10 Celebrities We’d Like to Knife in the Back (In Modern Warfare 3)
Did you know celebrities play video games? I didn’t, and I just now learned that fact. Excitingly, this means it’s theoretically possible for me to now act out my celebrity murder fantasies in video games. Here are my top ten picks for celebrities I’m going to try to murder in Modern Warfare 3 this week.
Note: These are these people’s alleged gamertags. I don’t yet know if all of these are legit.
10. Chad Ochocinco
Reason for bloodlust: Chad made a bet two years ago that if Darrell Revis shut him down, he would change his last name back to Johnson. Revis shut him down, and he didn’t change his name. Now he’s saying he’s going to change his name. What a douche.
9. David Beckham
Reason for bloodlust: Every time David Beckham opens his mouth, I’m surprised by how high pitched his voice is. It’s absurd. You really ought to do something about that voice, Dave, because everyone is weirded out by it.
8. Tony Hawk
Reason for bloodlust: This should be obvious. Have any of you actually played Tony Hawk Ride or Shred? I own that s–t and the stupid-ass skateboard thing, and I have never had fun with it, even though I actually played it enough to get good at it. It took a long time to get good at it, too.
7. Jason Giambi
6. Soulja Boy Tell Em
Reason for bloodlust: Is there a worse name for any celebrity than Soulja Boy Tell Em? It was bad enough when it was just Soulja Boy, but this is just intolerable. Seriously intolerable. I’m gonna knife this guy extra hard.