10 Games In Which Everyone Should Have Died At the End
Not many game end with main characters/player characters dying at the end. And, sometimes, when it does happen, everybody gets all pissed off about it (like Fallout 3). But some games would be massively improved if the protagonist(s)/everyone just ended up dead once all is said and done. And here are a few of them.
10. Left 4 Dead
In The Sacrifice, one of the four player characters has to give up his life for the others. Now, imagine if you reached the end of Blood Harvest and you’re fighting off the horde waiting for the APC and you hear over the radio that it has crashed and won’t be able to get to you. Meanwhile, a half dozen Tanks and several other special infected show up, posing an insurmountable challenge. The four survivors will each eventually fall, and then you discover that’s how the game ends. That would have been amazing.
9. Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2009
Many “core” gamers haven’t played these games, so here’s the skinny for the Cabela’s virgins. The Dangerous Hunts games have story modes in which you roam around various areas hunting various animals, and then each area usually concludes with you battling some sort of awesome predator like a tiger. the 2009 edition takes a really hilarious turn in which you, at the end of the game, kill the bear who killed your father. My alternate ending has the bear fatally wound you before you shoot him in the head with your pistol, Modern Warfare-style. And then you f**king die.
8. Driver: San Francisco
OK, newsflash: this game isn’t out yet and so we don’t know how it actually ends. But the whole story is about a guy in a coma possessing cars and s**t with his mind, and there’s really no way for this to end other than with you trying to keep the bad guys from pulling the plug on you. They totally do pull the plug, and then a countdown time pops up showing how much time you have to live, and you use those last moments to ramp off a parking garage into your hotel room, killing the bad guys and destroying your own body. Yes, Ubisoft, I will rewrite this game for you, if you want.
7. Halo 3
Do I really even need to explain this one?
6. Lost: Via Domus
The game’s story ends some time during season three of the show, with the main character — who is not in the show, I should point out — getting on a boat to escape the island only to be swallowed up by a bright light. When the light subsides, hes back on the beach on the day of the crash, and his dead girlfriend is there with him. This ending makes no sense within the context of the story and it makes no sense within the context of Lost. So everyone should have just died.
5. Tie Fighter
The story contained within the Tie Fighter Collector’s CD-ROM, which includes the two campaign expansions after the main campaign, ends just before the Battle of Endor. You cant even believe how pissed I was as a kid when I reached the end of that 12th tour and have the Emperor talk about how we’re totally about to f**king crush the Rebels at Endor only for there not to be any more game left. Lawrence Holland really should have let you fight at Endor for 30 minutes and then die in a cutscene.
4. Fallout 3
I liked it better when you died at the end.
3. Super Mario Land
Most old video games were sisyphean in nature because they involved you fighting wave after wave of enemies that would eventually kill you no matter how good you are at the game. Super Mario Bros. was different because it had an end, but the whole “our princess is in another castle” thing was very sisyphean in its own right. Super Mario Land is just as sisyphean, and it adds a f**ked up Lynchian layer. You battle your way through each world, and there before you is Princess Daisy. But as you approach she morphs into some evil creature and bounces off. And this happens three times. The game should have ended with the princess morphing into a creature one time too many for Mario to handle, causing him to kill himself because he’s gone insane.
2. Every Metal Gear Solid Game
For a franchise that is so wrought with absurd and hilarious melodrama, it seems rather odd that main characters hardly ever die. Even Mr. S**tpants survives the entire franchise, for Christ’s sake. Raiden sacrifices himself by getting crushed by a huge warship in 4 in an amazingly over-the-top death scene, except it turns out he’s not dead. Liquid Snake dies in the first game but makes it all the way to the end of 4 because his arm is implanted on Revolver Ocelot and that allows him to possess Ocelot. Action melodrama requires actual meaningful character deaths, Kojima.
1. Final Fantasy XIII
No aspect of this game makes any sense, and I spent 75 hours wallowing in that nonsense, my hate for each and every character growing steadily the entire time. And then I get to the end and watch the completely baffling final cutscene in which none of the main characters die. If ever there was a game in which all the characters deserve death, it’s this one. The game should have ended with both Cocoon and Eden f**king exploding.