10 Nintendo 3DS Games We’d Like To See (LIST)

We’ve gone on and on about the rather… limited slate of release titles for Nintendo 3DS. While it hasn’t been a complete wash, it’s going to be a long time before the lack of games to play is fixed.

Dammit, that’s not soon enough for us. To motivate Nintendo to change famous tendency to drag their damned feet when it comes to supporting their new tech, here’s 10 games we’d like to see for 3DS.

1) Metal Gear Solid: Exclusive 3D Cutscenes 3DS Edition

You might have heard they’re remaking Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater for 3DS. Is this a good idea? Depends on how awesome you think a game that is 80% hiding under buildings is… IN 3D! Yeah, we know. But the Solid series isn’t just known for taking the action out of action games, they’re also notorious for lengthy, can’t-skip cut scenes, and Snake Eater took that to absurd levels, including the famous Bond-esque theme song. We say skip the game and give us what Konami thinks we want anyway; A Metal Gear Solid game consisting of nothing but cut scenes for 8 hours, but in 3D.

You laugh, but just imagine how much less frustrating the inability to skip past something you’ve seen 40 times will be if it’s popping out at you!

2) Wii Sports for 3DS

Not pictured: Headaches.

Wii Sports was a surprisingly wonderful pack-in that to this day remains a staple of drunken parties at the houses of people who only own a Wii. But wouldn’t it be even better in 3D? Sure, Wii Sports depends on the Wiimote and Wii Motion sensor to work properly, but 3D is The Future! Imagine the headaches you’ll enjoy during tennis! Thrill to the elbow-rotator cuff exercise during Wii Bowling… in 3D. Team up with strangers via StreetPass and try not to pass out from migraines. Best of all, Experience actual permanent eye damage while playing Wii Boxing.

3) Second Tier NES Titles

One of 3DS’ biggest selling points is the surprise resurrection of the long moribund Kid Icarus franchise. But it does illustrate that we’ve probably reached the end of top tier titles from Nintendo’s mythical past. Normally we’d be sad but much like how the best DJs often find the 1 good song on a Spanky and Our Gang album from 1968, now is the time for enterprising developers to dig deep in their old Nintendo crates. Hogan’s Alley? Now it’s a gritty 3D shooter. Fester’s Quest 3D will remain as frustrating and unplayable as its 8-bit original, unless you use the repurposed 3D slider to adjust its horrible design settings. But we can’t wait for Wizards and Warriors 3DS, with stunning 3D Fabio.

4) Punch Out In 3D

This fist, comin' comin atcha in 3d.

As with Wii Sports, the thrill of actual eye damage is a major draw, but the best thing about a 3D Punch out: Watching the Ripples on King Hippo’s belly in 3D. The nausea will be so worth it.

5) Heavy Rain 3DS

This one’s a twofer: not only does it make Phil Owen red with rage, it combines the creepy sensation of doing cruel things to hapless people with the visceral realness of All Three Dimensions. Imagine how much harder it is to watch your younger brother die drowning when it happens in 3D! Now add the ability to create Miis from your photo and insert that photo into your game. BAM: Instant gold. Bonus? StreetPass lets you bring the fun to random strangers who get to be horrified by your awful accent and tragic backstory.

6) Dr. Who? Opening Title Credits: The Game.

It’s this:

But 3D. Case closed.

7) Star Trek: 3DS9

Great news for people who design video game box art and are extremely lazy! Star Trek: 3DS9 for 3DS would feature the plot, setting and 1990s special effects of the underrated Star Trek: Deep Space 9. It would also ham-fistedly cram the two logos together, which is very important when you’re trying to save money. Most importantly Avery Brooks’ Deep, reassuring baritone voice would narrate the training levels. In 3D! Best of all, it would take only the slightest tweak of the logos for both corporate properties. Synergy never seemed so three dimensional.

8 ) Wolfenstein: Spear of Destiny

Take everything about Wolfenstein: Spear of Destiny. Add no updated graphics, no updated gameplay. Simply take everything about the original 1992 First Person Shooter and make it 3D. Then make it compatible with StreetPass and see how many Godwin violations you can rack up through 22 levels of early 90s graphical magic.

9) True Grit: Rooster Cogburn Hunt In 2D For Nintendo 3DS

3DS has some pretty impressive 3D. But just think how much more impressive it would be if you were robbed of your depth perception. In True Grit: The Rooster Cogburn FPS In 2D, the right side 3D projection is disabled, giving you 50% of the 3DS capacity during increasingly difficult shooting galleries based on scenes from the Oscar-nominated movie. Try differentiating between Tom Charney and Mattie Ross without the use of your right eye!

10) Dramamine Adventure for 3DS

In this medically necessary platformer, players ingest regularly prescribed doses of the popular motion sickness treatment while using the 3DS 3D camera to navigate their own apartment. Play for endurance points; the longer you last without losing your lunch the more bonus points you collect for valuable power ups like antacids, 10 minute breaks and the ability to focus.

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1 Comment on 10 Nintendo 3DS Games We’d Like To See (LIST)

BinaryStar

On April 8, 2011 at 9:20 am

Blastcorps [Brand new game]
Pilotwings 64 [N64 3D Classics in e-shop]
Shenmue 1
Shenmue 2
Killer Instinct [Brand new game - colab' with Rare]
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter [N64 3D Classics in e-shop]
Turok 2: Seeds of Evil [N64 3D Classics in e-shop]
A Link to the Past 3DS
Majora’s Mask 3DS
Metroid Prime Trilogy 3DS
Super Mario World 3DS
Fight Night: Champion 3DS
Need For Speed Most Wanted 2
WWE Smackdown vs Raw 2012
Deus Ex spin-off title
Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots 3DS
Metal Gear Solid: Rising spin-off title
Metal Gear Solid: Peacewalker 3DS
Metal Gear Solid: Peacewalker 2 3DS
Chrono Trigger 3DS
Bioshock 3DS
Bioshock 2 3DS
F-Zero X 3DS