11 Games With Hilariously Stupid Names (DEEP ANALYSIS)

There’s an art to naming things, and for the most part developers and publishers do a pretty good job. The key is less about coming up with a great name than it is about not coming up with a bad one. Names can be bad for many very different reasons, and this list will cover a few of them.

Note: No Rooms: The Main Building here, since I already covered that one.

1. Enchanted Arms

This title clearly feels like an attempt to trick people into thinking this game is part of the Wild Arms franchise, and in doing so it also tricks people into not thinking about how dumb the name really is. The title of the game refers to how the protagonist does magic with his arms. Really! That comes close to making this the most bland and boring name in gaming history, but it’s topped by another game on this list.

2. Knights Contract

Language is like math to me; for a sentence to be correct, the grammar math must add up. As with math problems, there is usually more than one way to reach a solution to a grammar problem, and, like math, context can play a part in calculations. Unfortunately, after trying out all the grammar equations I know on and applying all possible contexts to “Knights Contract,” I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a grammatical equivalent to 2+2=5. There is no context in which “Knights Contract” makes any kind of sense. All it needs is an extra apostrophe…

3. Split/Second

OK, guys, I get that the slash looks nice on the box art, but when I see it there, in text, without the context of the box art, I just want to cry. No one in the history of the English language has ever used a slash that way, and I absolutely hate whoever it was who came up with that.

4. Infinite Undiscovery

There is a big danger involved in making up words in titles; if you aren’t careful, you’ll end up creating a word that implies your game is about a smart person becoming stupid, even though it’s just a random JRPG. Maybe it was a marketing ploy intending to draw in gamers with a title that teases philosophy and abstract ideas. Unfortunately, everybody just thinks this title is stupid. And it is — Undiscovery? Really?

5. Hannah Montana: The Movie/Bratz: The Movie/Spider-Man: The Movie

Look, now, it’s OK to make a movie tie-in game, but this is just silly. These titles lie to you, telling you that they aren’t games at all. These titles are weird attempts to trick you into buying them because you think they’re actually movies. You’d be surprised how well this works — Bratz sold a half-million copies, Hanna Montana 1.15 million and Spider-Man 3.7 million.

6. Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together

This title sucks because it’s totally offputting. Imagine the bro response: “Let us cling together? I don’t think so, bro. Keep your gay-ass hands off me.”

With a title like that, this has to be either erotic romance or some kind of mourning simulator, but when you throw the word “Ogre” in there, most of the people who would want to buy either type of game is turned off. That means the only people who want this game are folks who want to bang an ogre. That’s a really niche audience.

7. Z.H.P. Unlosing Ranger vs. Darkdeath Evilman

This is some kind of ADHD name somebody came up with during a weekend meth bender. There’s not really much else to say about this.

8. Canada Hunt

This is another language problem, but unlike “Knights Contract” this actually means something. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean what the makers of the game would like it to mean. Canada Hunt is a hunting game, but the noun you put in front of the word “hunt” is the thing you’re hunting, not the place you’ll be hunting in. And since this game is not about a military invasion of Canada, “Canada Hunt” becomes nonsense. It’s actually worse than just that. From the product description:

  • Go after whitetail deer in Saskatchewan
  • Hunt spring gobblers in the low country of South Carolina
  • Target elk in the Colorado Rockies

What? Everything about that title is a lie, it would seem.

9. Marines: Modern Urban Combat

This is unbelievable. Seriously. At least “Call of Duty” and Medal of Honor” evoke a sentiment; this game might as well be called “Shooting Guns At Bad Guys” for all the uncreativity (see what I did there?) that title shows. Yeah, I get that this is a nothing Wii game that only sold 30,000 copies, but I bet it could have moved at least twice that if it didn’t have the blandest, most unmemorable title ever.

10: Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

This one is THE clusterf–k of all game name clusterf–ks. First, the way you say the name of this game (Kingdom Hearts 358 Days Over 2) does not jive with the way it’s written. At all. But that’s a small problem. The big problem is that the person who came up with this title is a moron who was trying to be way too cute and only succeeded in coming up with a nonsense title that doesn’t, by any rational interpretation, mean what they think it means. The title is supposed to refer to the journeys of two characters over the course of 358 days. Have fun trying to make that fit. Chirst.

11. Final Fantasy games with made-up and random German (thanks, DJS) words in the titles

These are all stupid. Infinite Undiscovery is one thing — at least it’s based in a real word — but Ehrgeiz is something else entirely. So take your “Dissidia” and go straight to hell, you jackass.

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6 Comments on 11 Games With Hilariously Stupid Names (DEEP ANALYSIS)

DJS

On March 12, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Good article, except for the last part. Ehrgeiz is german for ambition or aspiration.

bob

On March 12, 2011 at 6:27 pm

“The big problem is that the person who came up with this title is a morn who was trying to be way too cute”

What’s a morn? Seems a little mornic.

Nick

On March 13, 2011 at 10:53 pm

“-ass hands”? Must we?

JS

On March 15, 2011 at 9:21 am

“Hunt” can be a noun as well as a verb.

Dissidia.. Hmm, its absolutely criminal when people make up new words. Its like, why don’t they use the English words that have always existed – Oh, wait.

I notice on the boxed version of “Tactics Ogre: Let us cling together” the girl in the top right is wearing stockings of some sort, while in the art at the top of your article shes basically not wearing any sort of leg coverings. I guess they narrowly dodged offending the Mourning Simulator crowd.

JS

On March 15, 2011 at 9:31 am

Also, I think “Infinite Undiscovery” is a cute play on words, but it is confusing.

Do they mean “there is an infinite amount of undiscovered things to discover in the universe [but not necessarily in this game]“. In that case, if they had said “infinite discovery” would it have made any more sense? Would it be inferred that the discovery is continuous; unending? Saying “undiscovery” might imply that the infinitely undiscovered might not necessarily be discovered within the course of the game, and thus the title avoids false advertising.

If they mean that “undiscovery” is an action that you’re doing “infinitely” then, wow, that sounds super-bad-wicked-cool.

dave

On May 14, 2012 at 8:50 am

how is the Arma series not mentioned..? stupidest name ever.