5 Franchises That Got Beaten Like a Dead Horse in 2011
Yes, I know you built an exact replica of Darth Vader’s Executor Super Star Destroyer as seen in Return of the Jedi. Yes, I know it took you thousands of grueling man-hours to complete. Yes, I know you’re so deeply entrenched (get it?) in Minecraft culture that it’s coming out your eyes and you see it in your sleep.
I still. Do not. Care about creepers. Or anything else Minecraft meme-related.
Sure, Minecraft is an indie darling with its own convention and a Cinderella story of the highest video game order. It has a huge community and lots of open-endedness and a randomly generated world that stretches on in all directions forever blah blahblah blahblah blahblah. Great. That’s really great. Go play it then. But do we really need thousands of hours of YouTube videos and blogs and cardboard hats and incessant memes about creepers. Wait, creepers — they’re gonna creep? ARE THEY REALLY NOW?
Please call me when there’s something new to report from Minecraft. I’ve had enough for one year.
1. Assassin’s Creed
Activision is bad about Call of Duty, but at least it did add new stuff, like Call of Duty: Elite, to support its community (and again, Call of Duty XP was pretty cool and proceeds went to actual soldiers). Meanwhile, Ubisoft is seriously just leading us around in the Assassin’s Creed series, content to offer absolutely zero in the way of newness with its yearly iterations to a series. Seriously — Assassin’s Creed: Revelations? Exactly the same game as last year. Putting an awesome gray beard on your protagonist does not count as creating a new game.
Ubisoft has given precious few details about the larger (completely crazy) story of the Assassin’s Creed universe, and it took three games to tell us just about nothing while putting together an arc for Ezio Auditore. Look, I like Ezio, too, but I’m starting to get a serious “Lost” vibe from this series — as in, the writers have no idea where they’re going with all this and they’re stalling for time by raising more questions with zero clue as to what the answers are. We need an Assassin’s Creed game with a serious bump in story and a serious improvement in gameplay, and we need it soon. Because even climbing old buildings and stabbing guys in the back is getting old, as evidenced by the addition of about 900 new ways to kill people by the end of the Ezio arc. How’sabout some fresh content, Ubisoft?
Follow Hornshaw on Twitter: @philhornshaw.