8 Less Ambitious Game Boxes (LIST)
Last week we ran a contest following up on a Twitter meme called “Less Ambitious Movies,” and it’s inevitable spawn, “Less Ambitious Games.” Seeing as we like games, we challenged you readers to come up with a few “less ambitious” titles, daring you to be clever and win a thing by suggesting games for which developers wouldn’t have had to try that hard.
After the contest was through, we went through the comments and plucked out our favorites. Then we decided to make mock-up boxes for the best of them. What follows is what we came up with when we imagined a world in which games just don’t try that hard — a world you guys invented. We were limited only by our imaginations, the time we wanted to spend on it and our graphic design software. Enjoy.
8. Motion Control Experience Simulator
7. A POW Camp of One
A lone warrior under the boot-heels of an occupying army, you courageously go where you’re told, respond courteously to the guards when they ask you to do something, and strictly obey the light’s-out curfew rule. Name, rank and serial number, motherf–ker.
6. Learn to Fly
Excitement is at a mid-level ebb in this in-home, technology heavy simulator where you feel the joys of the outdoors and the manipulation of a piece of cloth and wind — all from inside, on your couch, using $400 worth of plastic equipment. It’s Sarah Palin’s favorite simulated outdoor experience!
5. Defense of Honor Against Insulting Cads
Sometimes the world needs a hero. Other times, a man insults you in front of a woman, and you can’t let him make you look like a fool like that. It’s pistols at dawn! Pace out the requisite steps, turn calmly, aim carefully, then go have breakfast and powder your wig.
4. It’s a Race — to the Toilet
You’ll need speed and skill to make it through Nintendo’s latest challenging racer, in which you have mere seconds to navigate through your crowded, dirty apartment to the bathroom down the hall, while performing tedious fine motor movements to unbutton your pants along the way — all without tripping or tipping off your girlfriend about what you just did to the couch.
3. Boredom: Your Toughest Opponent Yet
Strike fear into the heart of yourself as you fidget uncomfortably in a chair that feels like it’s made out of burlap, waiting for test results. In a single enclosed space, you must face your ultimate challenge — avoiding eye contact with crazy eyed white-haired lady who won’t stop staring at you while you pretend to read a copy of Highlights from 1989.
2. Become a Stir Fry Legend
The fridge is empty. You’ve got a single bag of frozen vegetables and it’s been four hours since your last meal. You could engage on a long and trying quest to the grocery store, where you’ll have to dodge abandoned shopping carts and ravenous, insane children, as well as check all the vending machine coin return slots for spare change to pay the bill. Or you could grab your $60 packaged plastic mini-pan controller from Red Octane and rock the wok.
1. It’s Time to Go to Work
They’ve got a job to do, and only a few short hours of networking opportunities before they actually have to go do it. Shake your Wii Remote to simulate meet-and-greet opportunities, and make sure you’re stocked up, because there are business cards to exchange.