Casting the Diablo 3 Movie

 

Despite the rocky start, it looks like Diablo 3 is settling in to become the massive hit that everyone expected it to be. And though the uncertain status of the World of Warcraft movie provides a cautionary example, we got to thinking: what if they made a Diablo 3 movie? And, more specifically, if they did, who would star in it?

Some disclaimers: we cast only a single gender for each of the player characters, picking the gender more prevalent in Blizzard’s promotional efforts. We also limited ourselves to characters from Diablo 3 in the interest of brevity. And we realize that no actual movie would be able to include such an array of actors, but where’s the fun in that? Finally, this post contains a few !!SPOILERS!!


Player Characters

Barbarian – Mickey Rourke

 

Sure, there may be more massive options, but as The Wrestler demonstrated, Rourke can be physically imposing while also looking old, weatherbeaten, and haunted by tragedy. As a bonus, the fake beard will cover most of his wacky plastic surgery.

Demon Hunter – Kate Beckinsale

 

We tried to avoid the blindingly obvious in this list as much as possible, but we had to relent in this particular case. The female Demon Hunter is cleary inspired by Beckinsale’s raven-haired character in the Underworld series, and she’s probably used to wearing skin-tight leather outfits at this point.

Monk – Mark Strong

 

Strong has the bony face and the bald head, and we think he’d do a good job capturing the Monk’s uncompromising world view. He and Mickey Rourke can hang out together while getting their fake beards attached.

Witch Doctor – Djimon Honsou

 

Blizzard’s visual portrayal of the Witch Doctor is perhaps not the most sensitive, and we had to tread carefully with this choice. On the other hand, we liked the wisdom and sly humor of the voice acting, and Hounsou’s Oscar-winning chops and natural Anglophone African accent make him a good fit.

Wizard – Grace Park

 

Already a nerd favorite from her time on Battlestar Galatica, Park could convey the cockiness of the Wizard, while also looking great in her more revealing armor sets.

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5 Comments on Casting the Diablo 3 Movie

clamsarehot

On May 22, 2012 at 7:16 pm

D3 may be a success moneywise but it’s a flop by every other measure. And this article is tripe.

clamsarehot

On May 22, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Blizzard censorship: http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/5151720416

Won’t ever buy another game from them. Deable.

Randomtasks

On May 23, 2012 at 8:34 am

The first 1/2 of the movie would have to be Error 37, you know, for accuracy.

lavosslayer

On May 23, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I think the Demon Hunter is inspired by Kate Beckinsale’s character in “Van Helsing” more then “Selene” from Underworld…

Baker

On May 25, 2012 at 1:29 pm

The final one…. Bieber…. etc.

Very well played.