Even More GTA 5 Info: Regrettable Tattoos, Creepster Yoga

UPDATE: Soon after publication of this post, the full audio file for Grand Theft Auto V radio stations was leaked to the Internet. Read our coverage to see the still-incomplete list of songs and information about the stations there.

Obviously, you’re waiting impatiently for Grand Theft Auto V. Normally, I could tell you to play the latest Saints Row game to sate your appetite, but with Saints Row IV firmly making that series something of its own, distinct genre, its awesomeness fills an entirely unrelated void now. Sorry about that!

Luckily for those of you dying to play GTA V who also love marketing, Rockstar has once again updated the official GTA V site with three new additions to the epic tourism guide to Southern San Andreas1. Some of it confirms what we’ve already known, like the existence of tattoos and the ability to patronize country clubs, but the new entires provide a deeper glimpse into the world of GTA V and confirm once again that for the first time since San Andreas, a proper GTA installment is going to be full of incredibly immature fun.

GTA V will feature two different parlors, Ink Inc and Blazing Tattoo. Whether these will be single locations or franchises is not known, but it is clear there will be a much wider variety of tattoos than seen in San Andreas. Based on the images here, they’re taking a page from Saints Row. Here’s hoping you actually can get a tramp stamp.

Meanwhile, the Country Club is as you’d expect, a wretched hive of scum and villainy that only the super rich can afford. More interesting to my mind than the paltry details contained in that section, however, is the heavy devotion to a yoga school taught by someone named Fabien LaRouche (which, please let his name be a reference to professional troll and perennial political candidate Lyndon LaRouche.) Here’s a look at how seriously Rockstar takes yoga:

I’m willing at this point to speculate that the game won’t actually provide yoga as a side activity. That would be kind of boring, essentially the new age version of those terrible bowling activities in GTA IV. But I assume Fabian LaRouche is going to play a role in the plot. You are all invited to speculate just how in comments.

Meanwhile, some pretty new screenshots have been released. While you wonder just how this creep yoga instructor will feature in the game, why not have a look.

1) SoAn? SoDre? Both lack the ease of SoCal. Sorry!

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2 Comments on Even More GTA 5 Info: Regrettable Tattoos, Creepster Yoga

sep

On August 23, 2013 at 6:52 pm

that yoga pose is so erotic lol

Tasty Pete

On September 6, 2013 at 1:33 am

SanAn, dumbass!