Four-Hour Original Script for "Meet the Sandvich" Revealed!

Many fans of Team Fortress 2 were taken aback when Valve revealed the newest character in their series of “Meet the…” videos was in fact a sandwich. But what you might not know is the story behind the movie, which involved trimming down a four-hour epic to a minute-long short. The writing staff at Valve had devoted much of their time and effort into crafting an original script (with their names on it and everything!) only to have the whole thing scrapped be the powers that be. In this lengthy blog post, the writers re-enact the meeting between them and “the suits” that ultimately led to their master opus being destroyed:

“Could you explain to us how your script is in any way different from Predator?” asked one of the suits.

Predator takes place in Guatemala,” Erik Wolpaw explained, using his I’m-explaining-something-idiotic-to-a-child voice. “Meet the Sandvich takes place inside a refrigerator in Guatemala.”

“Where you can hear Predator happening outside of the refrigerator,” clarified Jay Pinkerton.

“Also, Predator is two hours long,” Erik continued. “Ours is four hours long.”

“Right,” said a suit, “but only because the script includes the first half of Predator…”

We nodded.

“… then all of Road House, and then the rest of Predator.”

The whole film was meant to be a allegorical sandwich in itself! Brilliant! That’s the sort of thing they’d invent an Oscar category called “Best Use of Someone Else’s Script for a Web Video Promoting a Video Game” specifically to give the writers one.

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