In The Name Of The King 2 Is Actually Happening

There are things that make no sense at all, and then there are things that don’t just not make sense, but actually mock the very concept that the things we observe can be studied rationally. In the first category goes 2008′s In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. Possibly the most insane Adaptation-In-Name-Only ever based on a video game, Uwe Boll’s low rent-low concept take on the Dungeon Siege series offers the viewer nothing. Nothing, that is, save the sheer, wacky joy of watching an absurd collection of clashing accents and anachronistic hairstyles dutifully hamming their way through the worst recreation of the middle ages since Army Of Darkness – except not on purpose.

Seriously, you have Jason Statham, Ray Liota, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Perlman, Claire Forlani, Fracking Matthew Lillard(???), none of whom can convincingly play any accent but the one they grew up with, and yet they’re all citizens of a magical fantasy kingdom that strongly resembles Ye Olde Englande. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a film that is almost certainly better while under the influence of unlegal pharmaceuticals, and I didn’t actually wish I had some. To be sure, as a portrayal of the venerable Dungeon Siege universe, it is a terrible thing, but as a film, surely we can admit it is an even more terrible thing.

Which brings us to the second category of things that do not make sense. ITNOTK is an awful movie, but it is awesomely awful. It’s awfsome. Which is why it bombed as if it had been strapped to the chest of a dissident studio employee. And yet, somehow, despite earning a paltry $14,865,984 from DVD sales (the bulk of which probably came from ironic purchases), there is going to be a sequel.

No, we are not kidding.

There is really, truly, actually, going to be In The Name Of The King Two. And Uwe Boll has actually been hired to direct it. And Dolph Lundgren is going to star. And ZOMG MY MIND CANNOT FATHOM HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE. Via Bloginity:

Dolph Lundgren has signed up for ‘In The Name of the King 2′.

Let that sink in for a minute. And then let Lundgren drunkenly mumble his way through explaining what happens:

“I play an ex-middle ages war veteran who gets f**ked up but he gets pulled into some sort of medieval power struggle, kind of gets a bit of a redemption for all his pains in service. It’s a role I just wanted to play. It’s fun to exercise my acting chops once in a while.”

Yep. Dolph thinks he has acting chops. Amazing! Finally, someone who can compliment Uwe Boll. Speaking of Uwe, any hope that he might actually have managed to play a Dungeon Siege game since vomiting out the last movie has been dashed.

{D}irector Boll said: “It’s like contemporary, right now big city, and we have Dolph Lundgren basically being a cop or like a fighting coordinator working as this, and one night he gets attacked by ninjas in his house and fell with the ninjas into a vortex back in time.

“And then it turns out it’s like 50 years after the first part ‘In the Name of the King’ ended, and Ehb is destroyed and everybody is dead, Jason Statham and everybody who was in the first part, got wiped out.

That wins my vote for craziest F*cking Sh*t I’ve ever heard of, hands down. Presumably, In The Name Of The King 2 (too?) will be out next year. Until then, better hope Dungeon Siege 3 comes out first.

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1 Comment on In The Name Of The King 2 Is Actually Happening

Rosario Dobine

On December 2, 2010 at 8:03 pm

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