New GTA 5 Details: Rockstar Finally Previews Radio Stations
With two weeks to go until Grand Theft Auto V launches, Rockstar has made new
marketing materials three new updates to the Visit Los Santos and Blaine County website that, if you’re me at least, is making the wait somewhat difficult. Revealed today was some of the TV content you’ll be able to watch on in-game sets, teasing that the craziness of Republican Space Rangers is only the beginning. They also dropped the (apparent) full list of exercise-based activities you’ll enjoy when you aren’t committing crimes, as well a glimpse into the law enforcement and private security you’ll encounter while you are committing crimes.
Oh, and also, just over two weeks after the complete music sound files were leaked online, Rockstar has finally decided to get with the times and officially reveal a bit about the elaborately huge Grand Theft Auto V radio stations. At last, Rockstar is learning how the Internet works!
Those of you who spent at least 40 hours listening to the leaked audio won’t find anything new here, but for those who don’t want to know too much but still want to get a small taste of what to expect, visit the Music and Entertainment section of the site for a brief look at some of the stations. Most of it is unsurprising. Obviously there’s going to be a ton of West Coast hip hop. But the Spanish language music station – which apparently combines narcocorridos with Mexican electro and pop music – might be the greatest idea ever.
Meanwhile, this isn’t anything especially new, but it does seem that the physical fitness activities have been codified. They are cycling, hiking, tennis, swimming, BMX racing, and a triathlon (which returns from San Andreas). Obviously, there’s also golf, but that’s not exactly a hard core workout, except for your hand-eye coordination. I’m curious if this means there will be minigames involving hiking or if this is just encouragement to go walking around. Hopefully, you won’t get annoying calls from friends asking you to go hiking while you’re escaping the cops. You can see the whole thing here.
New information, if you can call it that, was also given for private security and Law Enforcement. It’s bare bones, but worth noting that the best thing here is the fact that one of the elite private firms is a German company called Gruppe 6 – “Group 6″ – spelled out as Gruppe Sechs. Never change, Rockstar.
Television and Entertainment
But by far, the best thing about today’s update is the confirmation that the alternate universe television programming which made the world of GTA IV so hilarious is back, and very ramped up. Both Weasel News and CNT return, with a large slate of programming that threatens to overshadow GTA IV’s Republican Space Rangers. Fortunately, RSR has already been confirmed to return, and it’s being joined by stabs at both abstinence-only education and nanny state liberalism.
The image at the top of this page is from Kung Fu Rainbow Laser Force, a kids show about super heroes who do whatever it takes to make sure people know sex is bad. Meanwhile, liberals take their knocks with The Adventures of Impotent Rage, an insufferably judgmental superhero who forces social goods down people’s throats while managing to change absolutely nothing. (This is particularly hilarious for those of us who live in LA. Regular readers of this site know my politics are to the left of Sweden and San Francisco combined, and those people still manage to annoy the living sh*t out of me. Here’s hoping there’s also a show about bike riders who ignore traffic laws and then complain about how cars never see them.) See them all here.
See anything I missed? Sound off in comments, and meanwhile, let is know what you’re looking forward to in Rockstar’s latest murder simulator.