Saints Row: The Third Review

The press packet for Saints Row: The Third promised that every mission, no matter what, would have a “holy Sh** moment”, a big, memorable, over-the-top scene guaranteed to wow the player and make them laugh out loud at the same time. The marketing has had the same theme, promising again and again that whatever else the game may be, it will be absurd, exaggerated, morally deplorable and, in every way that counts, the thematic opposite of the Grand Theft Auto games the Saints Row series initially cloned. I am happy to report that Saints Row: The Third is every bit as completely ridiculous as promised.

Think of it like the video game equivalent of kids wondering if Batman could beat up Luke Skywalker while having sex with She-Ra, and then actually drawing the comic making the case. Every single moment in the game – even the boring moments – feels like the developers were sitting around brainstorming the craziest stuff they could think of and then asking a 5 year old pyromanic to poke holes in it. The result is a violent, vulgar, profane to the extreme camp masterpiece that is difficult to believe until you play it.

It may not be be *best* game of 2011 – to claim otherwise would be to risk a flogging from angry Skyrim fans – but it is my favorite, and absolutely the most fun I’ve had all year.

Saints Row: The Third: – Xbox 360 (Reviewed), Playstation 3, PC
Developer: Volition, Inc.
Publisher: THQ
Release Date: November 15, 2011
MSRP: $59.99

The Story

Saints Row: The Third picks up some years after the end of Saints Row 2. Having turned themselves into popular media icons, they hawk everything from an energy beverage (Saints’ Flow), a line of comic books, even a brand of condoms. The game begins with a ridiculous advertisement for Saints’ Flow, and then turns into the silliest heist ever. The Saints have been hired by a cheesy TV Actor to give him a crime ride-along for a role he’s trying to get. You and your crew almost pull it off. Almost.

The Saints are then kidnapped and taken aboard a cargo jet where they’re introduced to a shadowy criminal group called ‘The Syndicate’ that are planning to move into Stillwater. After escaping, you’ll engage in a firefight on the plane during which a critical series-changing event happens, jump from the jet without a parachute, have a free-fall firefight with equally parachute-free enemies, and somehow manage to land unscathed in the new city of Steelport, a decaying, former industrial city now hopelessly violent and corrupt, that serves as Syndicate HQ.

The important thing is that you’ve just enjoyed a 30 minute prologue during which you robbed a bank, blew up a plane, killed a bunch of skydiving gunmen and landed safely in a new city. All of which is tame compared to what you’ll get up to when the game begins proper.

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10 Comments on Saints Row: The Third Review

fg

On November 15, 2011 at 12:39 pm

TL;DR

no

On November 16, 2011 at 12:09 am

intersting comment

Ok...

On November 16, 2011 at 12:32 am

The game itself is actually pretty fun, aside from the fact that my particular version seems to have a pretty serious glitch. The Escort mission for the guy who’s every line has been autotuned seems to be unbeatable because as soon as I start it, the game claims I have failed the mission before even hitting any buttons. I even tested it by starting the mission and then not pressing a single button and within 1 or 2 seconds the game claimed I had destroyed the vehicle. Also, the Guardian Angel Mission for the hacker chick (not Shaundi) also seems to be unbeatable, though that may be due to my own incompetence with a rocket launcher while sitting on the edge of a helicopter piloted by a fellow gang member. I hope that Xbox Live releases an update for the game soon to fix these problems, otherwise I will be out $60+ that I could have used for something much more useful.

Zee

On November 16, 2011 at 10:09 am

As an immature, perverted 12-year-old at heart, “Saints’ Flow” just makes me giggle too much.

Seema

On November 16, 2011 at 10:24 am

I can’t wait to play this game. Batman? She-Ra? SEX?

Faisal

On November 16, 2011 at 11:00 am

Great review. Thanks for giving us something other than the formulaic reviews we see so often on other sites!

Nick

On November 16, 2011 at 6:40 pm

When I’m in Guardian Angel mode, in the helicopter, I can’t get the guy I’m protecting to get in the car. He keeps hiding. What am I doing wrong?

shay

On November 17, 2011 at 10:45 am

To user Ok….
im having the same issues!! I can’t beat the helicopter mission for the hacker chick, and i am having the same issue with the escort mission- I wont even press anything and the second it begins I fail because I’ve “destroyed the vehicle”. This is annoying, I really hope they come out with some patches quick. Ugh.

PAL-18

On November 30, 2011 at 10:39 pm

Should i play either of the previous games before playing this? Will i lose any major storyline?

Okkkkk

On February 4, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Wtf.!!!!! Wat do I do wen it claimed ive failed the mission as soon as it startes on the mission Escort for the guy that uses the auto tuner (Zimos)!?!?