The 5 Worst Star Wars Games Ever
With Star Wars: The Old Republic looming over us like a rancor with its mouth open, my editors have seen fit to ask me, Game Front’s resident recovering Star Wars addict, to make a list of five terrible Star Wars games. And so it is with great regret that I do something that I never like to do: dig into my past and turn some good memories into bad ones by pointing out how things I once enjoyed are actually horrible. YOU’RE WELCOME.
Note: I played every game on this list obsessively at one point or another.
5. Super Star Wars
I know the nostalgic asshole in all of us likes our games hard, but come on, man. I had the chance to revisit this one at the Star Wars Celebration VI convention in 2007, and my god it was a painful experience. I couldn’t go ten steps without getting brutally murdered. It was not even remotely fun to play the first five minutes over and over again until I finally conceded defeat.
4. Force Commander
In addition to being obsessed with Star Wars when I was growing up, I also had quite the fetish for Command & Conquer. So I was naturally quite enthusiastic for the first ever ground-based Star Wars real-time strategy game. Little did I know that I would spend hundreds of hours of my life playing the most clumsy and technically flawed strategy game I would ever touch. I thought I just needed a better computer; it turns out the game was just poorly made.
3. The Phantom Menace
Like every good little 11-year old, I was totally into The Phantom Menace. And, of course, I was into the game based on it despite the fact that it was totally the most awkward Star Wars game ever made, nevermind Jedi Power Battles. Yeah, it had combat that was basically broken, but I didn’t give a damn because I had f–king cheat codes.
On the plus side, this game did let you murder children.
2. Masters of Teras Kasi
This was one of the first games I got for the original PlayStation, and boy do I now regret this being my fighting game of choice for so long. I mean, it was Star Wars. But that doesn’t excuse it also being the worst fighter this side of Shaq Fu. You know how good fighting games have balance? Yeah, the folks who made this game had never heard of that. Also, it’s stupid to make a Star Wars game that doesn’t even remotely fit within the canon. They actually made up characters for this game, including a sand person named Hoar, which is ridiculous considering there are literally millions to choose from. Also, Mara Jade fighting with a lightsaber during the Original Trilogy era? Yeah right. God, I’m such a loser.
1. Rebel Assault
This was basically a light gun game in which you had to use a joystick instead of a light gun, and it’s exactly as lame as that sounds. Well, sometimes you get to sort of fly things, and that’s not fun either. This game is even a worse offender of the canon than Masters of Teras Kasi, because it gives somebody named Rookie One credit for blowing up the Death Star, and it put the Battle of Hoth before that first Death Star battle. The sequel was an improvement only because it had full-motion video cutscenes.
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