The Diary of an MMO Virgin: Volume 2
I have been playing The Lord of the Rings Online: The Shadows of Angmar for a few weeks now, and I have had ample time to run across some very interesting people during my adventures in Middle-earth. While I have to say that the majority of them are great folks who go out of their way to help each other out there are some that are more vexatious than others.
I am sure there are many different forms of annoyances caused by other players that I have yet to come into contact with, but if you have played MMOs in the past or are currently grinding your way through one, you should be familiar with the simpletons of which I speak. One of whom is the QUEST STEALER
Ah yes, the exasperating Quest Stealer. He is the guy who follows you through the cave full of spiders that you are fighting your way through, clearing every biting nemesis from his path for him without any effort. He stands behind you, waiting for you to vanquish the foes, and just when it comes time to beat the quest monster – a big fat ugly spider with poison dripping from her mandibles – he suddenly rushes in like Rambo without a jockstrap and kills her. Mind you, this guy was not invited on the quest with you he is just a straggler who happens to need the same one as you and has let you do all of the work for him without you even realizing it. Then, he so graciously departs your company after committing such a foul deed, while you wait for the evil beast to respawn so you can finish your quest. Angry, shocked and ready to go PvP on his ignorant ass, you have to contend with your quest’s spider lackeys as THEY respawn. While you fight off these horrid beasts once more, suddenly out of the corner of your eye, your main goal respawns and immediately comes over and kills you where you stand. If it weren’t for the fact that it is socially unacceptable and also because of the fact that your mother would have to see your face plastered on America’s Most Wanted, you would like nothing more than to beat him to the point of paralysis with an etiquette book and your computer mouse.
Another wonderful person you may encounter in your journeys is someone whom you mistakenly connected with to go on a major quest or instance. This person may be a random stranger you hooked up with during the game, not much different than you would at a bar at 3 a.m. and decide to go on an adventure together. You know, since you are both heading the same way and all, why not? Of course, this person could also be a member of your guild or kinship, in which case, they need to be excommunicated at once. I am speaking of the LOOT WHORE. Yes, we are all familiar with the Loot Whore – the one who always chooses NEED on every item roll. The one who is a Dwarf, who has no need of the wonderful bow that gives you +10 in Might and +8 in critical hit points and goes wonderful with not only your level, but your outfit. Did I mention that dwarves do not USE a bow? The Loot Whore is only interested in how much money they can auction it off for or get from a vendor so they can save up for mount that they will not even get until they have reached level 35. Did I mention that said dwarf is only a level 11 at this point? There is always the option of privately trading something you have to get what you feel they stole from you – like a cool two handed axe that has a +4 fire damage attack. Something you think a short, muscular little hairy man would like, right? Nope. They are only interested in money because, they are greedy whores.
My favorite of the lot though, is the L33T SPEAKER. I really wish I had not even brought this one up, because frankly, this person provokes me more than the others. I understand that there is a time and a place for l33t speak, but when you are in the middle of an instance with demented walking oak trees and their roots trying to bludgeon you to death while the forest spiders bite you in the ass, l33t speak is not appropriate. So to the L33t Speaker, I would like to say this to you:
I understand that we live in a world of haste and when you are playing an MMO and need to convey a message without the benefit of a microphone to your war party, typing abbreviations is indeed acceptable. With the popularity of instant and text messaging on the rise, it is only natural that one would learn how to communicate with as little amount of letters as possible. There is nothing wrong with that, however, when your abbreviations border on the edge of Esperanto, it becomes not only confusing, but also highly annoying. Granted, a microphone is the best form of communication on large instances and if you would invest in one this issue would be a moot point. But, if you actually HAVE to type to convey your message, please make it so we do not have to decipher your typing because frankly it is atrocious. Trust me when I say that even the NSA would have a problem decoding your gibberish. I have provided an example:
- Thunderhammer: gt 2 rt $d of 17
- Karigon: ???
- Thunderhammer: wtf is mmm dn 1t wnt gt on his bksd
- Harrimanst: eh?
- Thunderhammer: lloll ftw 1 tly pwn3d b1g $p1d3r
- Karigon: I don’t know what you said, but she wouldn’t have got “pwn3d” if you had hit it with your hammer more instead of just standing there
- Thunderhammer: lloll stfu d00d ur m4d cux ma sk1llz r #1
- Harrimanst: Thunder— plz speak English ffs!
- Thunderhammer: dnt b l4m3
- Karigon: omg wtf is he talking about?
- Harrimanst: ??? No l33t speak plz
- ****ME Has Come Online****
- ME: Thunderhammer you twat!
- Thunderhammer: rotfl, ur sol
While l33t speak is all fun and cute, AGAIN – when you are getting whomped by a huge tree and its wonderful root buddies, l33t speak is not an appropriate way to communicate with your brethren. This becomes especially true when the majority of your Kinship, while familiar with l33t speak, are not completely immersed in the language. Save this fun little way of speaking for normal chat or between you and your forum pals, but when you try to speak like this during a major quest, it is just annoying and frustrating. If you perhaps think that we should become more proficient in l33t speak just to accommodate you, please think again. While I admit that this is a growing trend, personally speaking, if I wanted to learn a fake language I would have taken my brother up on his offer to teach me Klingon. Also, if you want me to be honest with you, you don’t even speak l33t very well. 7hx, 4nd h4v3 4 n1c3 d4y!
So you see, my fellow gamers, now that I have ventured into the world of MMOs I have come to understand why they are both so addictive and frustrating at the same time. While I have to admit once more that the majority of the people I have come across are fantastic, the few “tards” that I have had the unfortunate pleasure of crossing paths with have indeed enraged me more than I have given them credit for in this piece. With so many different people playing the same game at the same time with the same goals; some decorum and class should really preside over you. If you do not act like a numbskull in real life – don’t act like one online. If you are a numbskull in real life – then behave for your own sake because eventually you will need someone to help you during a quest and after you have alienated so many people – you will have no one to heal you as tree roots are slowly skewering you.
In closing, I would like to say that the next time I write about my experiences in LotRO, I will no longer be calling my piece The Diary of an MMO Virgin. Since this is my second post, you could almost say that I have reached “second base” and by the third post – well, I will have gone “all the way”. Plus, you can’t truly still be considered an MMO Virgin when you have reached level 21 now can you?
*** Names where made up, and are not actual players I have run across. If your name is one of the above, please note it is purely a coincidence.