The Funniest Dialogue From The Grand Theft Auto Series

The news that Grand Theft Auto V is definitely happening isn’t that surprising. It has been 3 and a half years since GTA IV after all. Sure, we’re happy to have played Red Dead Redemption and L.A. Noire in the interim, but we’re also used to getting a new GTA title every year and a half. Finally!

Of course, given how long it’s been, we’re going to have a lot of items on our GTA V wish lists. And at the top of mine? Hilarious interstitial dialogue. Sure, the story dialogue has to be strong too, but one of the best things about tooling around a fictionalized version of a real city (and killing everything in sight) is the brutally funny random lines from the protagonist, from NPCs, and especially from the radio stations.

We’ve still got a long way to go before GTA V arrives, so to tide you over, let’s look back on one of the series strongest features. Here’s the funniest dialogue from the Grand Theft Auto series.

5) Roman from GTA IV

As a work of satire, GTA IV is definitely the most effective game in the franchise. And I’m not just talking about the awesomeness that is Republican Space Rangers. The main reason it works so well is that you’re playing as Nico Bellic, an immigrant outsider experiencing America’s weirdness for the first time. And his guide to all things America is his cousin Roman, who not only wins the prize for “Biggest BS Artist in GTA history”, he also has the best swears ever.

4) Getting drunk in GTA IV

Though the idea of getting your video game character drunk wasn’t invented by the GTA series, GTA IV might have perfected it. The otherwise annoying social ‘sidequests’, basically an invitation to hang out from one of Nico’s friends, are saved whenever said friend wants to go out drinking. Rockstar really milks the public intoxication for all it’s worth and the result is some of the funniest dialogue in the game.

3) Fat CJ in San Andreas

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is a stand out in the series. Epic in scope and taking place in the largest variety of environments in GTA history, it also contains light RPG elements that in my opinion are sadly missing from subsequent games. Players are able to choose from a vast array of clothes and hairstyles, and can even customize protagonist Carl “CJ” Jones’ physical appearance, making him skinny, super muscular or just incredibly fat.

While it guarantees a much more leisurely paced game, making CJ fat results in the funniest possible game. Not only does look hilarious, CJ’s personality also changes to suit his rotund appearance. Examples: “A’ight girl, I hope you don’t mind a little sweat” when he’s about to hook it up, “yeah the car is tight. Tight for me to get in”, and my favorite, “I’m gonna spend this on a delicious meal’ when he robs someone.

Here’s an awesome compilation of the fat CJ dialogue.

2) Tommy Vercetti.

Though GTA III boasted its own cast of excellent voice talent, it was casting Ray Liotta as Grand Theft Auto: Vice City protagonist Tommy Vercetti that really elevated things. Not only did he deliver a convincing performance that overgame Vice City’s awful character graphics, he also recorded hours of pure profane gold. Lines like “I need this”, “You’ve got insurance, so don’t be a prick.” and “Just think of this as socialism in action.” are some of the most famous, but he’s nearly a nonstop reservoir of scripted win, as you’ll hear in this compilation.

Click on to find out what made the number one spot on our list!

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