The Gaming Store Employee Known as "That Dude"
There is a gaming store that I’m sure most of our readers have been to. Now, for the sake of fairness, and advertising (cha-ching), I’m not going to mention their name. Perhaps the name is not important, as I believe this problem is universal concerning video game proprietors. While this troubling issue can assume many forms, the problem can be simplified in the moniker, “That dude”.
“That dude” is a menace. He can transform an enjoyable day at a video game store into a nightmare of epic proportions. “That dude” is a plague, an ungodly cyst on the lip of consumer satisfaction. There is really no excuse for “that dude”. There you are, an avid gamer, surrounded by the accoutrements of your obsession. You would suppose that in such a favorable scenario, your average experience would border on sublime. Alas, this usually is not the case, as “that dude” is there to take whatever joy could possibly be obtained.
So, who is “that dude” you ask? Well that, dear readers, is a question that spans the entire breadth of the human spectrum. Here are some of the more classic examples of “that dude”:
That “Know-it-all” Dude
“The Know-it-all” is a classic example of “that dude”. You can point him out almost immediately. Just look for the closest employee that is currently looking down his nose at a customer. Usually found with disheveled hair, and a t-shirt promoting some obscure Japanese Anime.
Regardless of the game you are buying, “The Know-it-all” will be sure to make some grumbling remarks about the inferiority of both you and the title you are currently purchasing. For the “Know-it-all”, popularity is proportional to greatness. For example, Gears of War? He hates it, and anyone who likes it. After informing you of his jaded opinion (and he will), you can be sure that “the know-it-all” will mention some obscure import that came out 10 years ago. This is a title that only he knows about, and is far superior to anything you have ever, and will ever, play.
Check the full list after the jump.
That “Too Cool to Work Here” Dude
Pay no attention to his Halo 2 t-shirt. The “Too cool to work here” guy is just that. If you asked him, he would explain that the only reason he has this job is that the store manager found his name in the phonebook and begged him to work there. Look for the guy doing the least amount of work, trying to look as disinterested in everything as possible. (You know, just in case his friends walk in)
Usually found in the back of the store, surfing the internet. If a customer asks him for help or a suggestion on a title, he angrily instructs them that he has no idea what they are talking about. Unless the title of the game has the words “Madden” or “Football” on the box, you can be sure that he has never heard of it before, regardless of the situation. The “Too cool to work here” dude could be wearing the game’s t-shirt, and be standing next to a giant pile of that game’s posters, and still have no clue what system it was released for. Just be sure to keep your distance, as he’ll get angry if you obstruct his reflection of himself in the store’s window.
That “Salesman” Dude
Chances are he is the oldest one in the store. Usually dressed in attire far too formal for his surroundings, the “salesman” stands out like your dad at a Fall Out Boy concert.
Why the “salesman” works there is always a mystery. Why does someone who obviously hates gaming so much want to work at a video game store? Regardless, the “salesman” earns his name. Pre-orders, back-orders, trade-ins, credit cards, he does it all. Do you want a subscription to this popular gaming magazine? No? Too bad, you are getting that and a pre-order for Halo 5. Unrelenting, and without remorse, the “salesman” is on a crusade to retail you to the brink of madness.
(Disclaimer: While I realize that not all female employees fit the following description, I believe that a large enough contingent exists to make this a viable category. Please don’t tell my girlfriend.)
This one is pretty obvious. Look for the only female employee in the store, and more likely, the only female in a 3 mile radius. She might be attractive, she might not. As it stands, her looks don’t really matter. She is the only girl around, and that makes her the hottest woman on the planet.
While not technically a “dude”, she is just as annoying. Does she know anything about games? Chances are, no. Does she have any sort of sales experience? My sources point to no. None of it matters. She has breasts, and that’s all the resume she needed. Usually located around the “too cool to work here dude”, her chances of being able to assist you fall somewhere between “never” and “as if”.
That “Emo” Dude
Go into a Hot Topic. Okay, you got a picture of the people in there? There you go. For all other aspects of his appearance, refer to “That Girl”.
I’m not sure why the “emo” culture is so closely tied to video games. Walk into any local LAN center, and you will be sure to see at least 2 or 3 of these peculiar individuals. Video games are deemed “Okay” by this culture, so working in a gaming store is as close as they can be to “conforming to this depressing capitalist system” without actually having to get a haircut. Don’t bother asking him about current game releases, as the only system he owns is an NES.