The Hunkiest Heroes in Video Games – Too Bad There Aren’t Enough of Them
Everybody who has ever played a video game can attest to the fact that the majority of the female characters in them are usually not horrid beasts whose appearance is so revolting that you want to gouge your eyes out. Usually, if a female character is insulting to our senses it is because they are either a zombie, some sort of enemy we are suppose to detest or they are the overly plump mother figure. The heroines, or the damsels in distress are usually pretty easy on the eyes and for a pixilated figure and and the fandom that surrounds Lara Croft, for example, can attest to this.For years on end, men have had their Dead or Alive chicks, Lara, the Final Fantasy babes, any female in Soul Calibur, and pretty much the whole gambit of scantily clad women in the RPG genre. This has always been okay with me, because I am not a prude and I understand that developers and the demographic that they cater too are mostly male. Men like to look at voluptuous women oozing with sexuality that can handle a broadsword with as much tender loving care as they would a helpless kitten. It is a scientific fact that men are stimulated visually when it comes to the opposite sex and therefore, if a game developer wants to include a female character in a game that wears nothing more than a thong, pasties, thigh-high boots and fishnet stockings and go for it! It does not offend me in the slightest.
I do however, have one request from developers: Why not make your main protagonists just as easy on the eyes as the women? I am not asking you to put them in a codpiece or have them in costumes that make them look like nothing more than a reject from a Village People casting call. I am not even asking for you to make them “really, really, ridiculously good-looking”. I just think it would be wonderful to have nice looking men who are just as easy on the eyes as their pixilated female counterparts. Handsome heroes in video games are few and far between and while Duke Nukem may be a bad ass, his resemblance to Howie Long only disgusts us to be quite honest. Solid Snake may be one of the most awesome heroes of his genre, but he is no Sam Elliot.
Because of the lack of hunky men in video games, I set out to find some that I personally though might fit the “handsome” mold. I shared my findings with some female friends who are also gamers, and they agreed with me on my selections. With more and more women taking up gaming as a hobby, if you are going to include a hot chick, make her counterpart just as hot. I have picked some of the hunkiest gaming heroes that have so far graced our TV/PC screens, and while there are not that many, the ones I have chosen and to me anyway and are the ones who are easiest on the eyes.
Leon Kennedy and Resident Evil 4
Leon may look like Matt Damon’s little brother, but he is not Matt Damon. This guy can take anything thrown at him, can handle a gun, can maintain his sense of humanity while a virus spreads through his body, and kill a horde of zombies without blinking an eye. He does this, all the while trying to protect the President’s jailbait daughter from being used as a pawn in a massive conspiracy. Leon even has the decency to turn down what would amount to a “sure thing” with Ashley at the end of Resident Evil 4, because he has a sense of dignity and self-respect. He is the stuff movie heroes are made of and a man that would make a woman in real life swoon.
Kratos and God of War Franchise
Ok, I know this may seem like a strange choice to some of you, especially considering how pale and ugly he was in God of War 2 and but that is neither here nor there. Kratos is a God. Let me repeat that and he is a God. Power, especially ultimate power such as that is sexy as hell. He is buff, ruthless, animalistic, and can please two babes at once. He still pines for his deceased wife, which proves that he does harbor some sort of vulnerability albeit in very scarce amounts. He is ruthless, dangerous, deadly, and above all oozing with manliness. He is the type of man that would pick you up, throw you down on the bed and make you feel privileged for being one of the notches on his blade. Kratos is the man you would want to try and “rescue” from himself, and eventually, end up heartbroken and unless grew tired of you and snapped your neck after nagging him too much about his constant desire for vengeance; plus he kind of looks like Vin Diesel.
Indiana Jones and Indiana Jones and the Emperor’s Tomb
This is a no brainier, despite how much this game sucked. Indiana Jones is the stuff legends are made of. He is a man’s man, intelligent, handsome, adventurous, flawed and sensitive. Plus it does not hurt that he looks like Harrison Ford. Most women my age had a crush on Indiana Jones as a kid, and not just because Harrison Ford was also Han Solo, but because Indiana Jones was something straight out of a romance novel. He signified what every woman truly wanted and we need more men like him in video games, which lead me to my next choice.
Nathan Drake and Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune
Nathan Drake is the new Indiana Jones of the video game world. He is almost a swashbuckler and he lives on the edge, he packs a gun, he has a sense of humor, and above all he is not hard on the eyes. It is about time we started to see decent looking men portrayed in video games, and Nathan is a great start.
Altair and Assassin’s Creed
When Altair is indeed the assassin, he is pretty hot. Unfortunately he is not so hot when he is not in his dream sequences. When Altair is in the Middle East assassinating Templars, sneaking around, leaping from towers into piles of hay and he is at his hottest. He is slinky, mysterious, brooding, and on a mission. What could be sexier?
Dante and Devil May Cry Franchise and Specifically DMC4
Over the years, Dante has grown on me. Originally, I felt he was a bit too feminine to be considered attractive by video game standards. He reminded me more of a FF reject although not as feminine looking as Tidus, but pretty namby-pamby looking nonetheless. However, with the release of DMC4 Dante has grown up and is now pretty good looking for a computer-generated hero. Sporting a five o’clock shadow, a lopsided grin, and dripping with macho confidence and this half demon is just what the doctor ordered. Plus, he can kick any demons ass you throw at him.
Max Payne and Max Payne Franchise
Max Payne is not exactly the best looking man in video games, but he is decently attractive. What makes him one of the hunkiest men in video games is his tortured soul. The death of his wife and child left a gaping hole in this man, and as he takes his revenge out upon any baddie that comes his way, you see the pain in his eyes and you just want to hold him and tell him that everything is going to be ok. Women are sucker for that.
Geralt of Rivia and The Witcher
Geralt is just flat out sexy. Sometimes, he may look like the video game equivalent of Sam Neill, but that is no matter. He is the Captain Kirk of the medieval world and bedding any female regardless of whether she is human or succubus. Plus, chicks dig scars.
Agent 47 and Hitman Franchise
Agent 47 is pretty hot. He is a tall, dangerous, imposing figure who although trained to kill has been known to show compassion on rare occasions. While not quite superhuman, he is at the extreme end of what a human being is capable of, can take a shot to the chest, run faster than most men dare dream and his is very strong. He is sort of like the bionic man except instead of being made of bits of machinery; he was formed in a lab from 5 different crime bosses’ DNA. Again, his appeal falls into the “danger is sexy” category, which seems to be prevalent in video game heroes.
HONORABLE MENTION: Sephiroth and FF VII, Crisis Core, Advent Children, Kingdom Hearts, etc.
Sephiroth may be slightly feminine looking, and yes, he is totally insane without a shred of humanity in his black soul and but he is pretty dashing. No, I am not a member of the Silver Elite or anything and but for an evil bastard, he is pretty cool. He is tall, handsome, has long silver hair, bright emerald green eyes, and dresses really interestingly. His theme music is rockin’, and you cannot tell me that there were many occasions during FF VII that you just wanted him to kill Cloud and be done with it. Sephiroth is only an honorable mention on this list because in reality and he would have nothing to do with a simpering human being no matter how hot she is because he is above that. Plus he is a villain – not a hero.
I know that I am in the minority when I say this, but it is high time that lady gamers were catered to just slightly in the video game industry. Men have breast psychics to look forward to in games, so we should have something to look forward to as well
This is just a small sampling of even slightly attractive male characters in video games. If there are any female gamers out there who think I left anyone out, please feel free to mention them in the comments section. I know that this post is just the nonsensical ramblings of a lunatic mind and the way it is written will not garner any award any time soon and but it is not meant to be a grand piece of literature, but just something fun and out of the gaming norm. I hope you enjoyed it on even the most minuscule level.