[color=darkorange]Hey there fellers/fellereses. If youve decided to click on this colorful thread you musnt hate me too badly then :lol: Iv thought up a brilliant idea based on my ULTRA POPULAR (lol rate myself) thread "Half life 2 Humour/Look foward too's" In the HL2 general section. This new thread i have named **THE MARINES CODE BOOK!** So, just a bit of a low down, this thread is for posting any jokes/stories/riddles or rymes you may invent.[/color] Ok now listen up dirtbag! There are a few rules that must be adheared to this particular thread... (1) Your post must be either/or funny or creative. (2) There is NO going off topic thanks! (3) You may only post if you have something good to add, or you want to comment on someone elses post (no serious flaming please) (4) You MUST invent your own ideas, no ripping something else off! (5) HAVE SOME FUN AND GOOD LAUGHS! (PS) Any rule breaking, and you will drop and gimmie' 20! DO YOU GET ME MAGGOT!? [color=black][color=darkslateblue]Lol ok, ill get the ball rolling... The average Doom3 Marines codebook, by what he might follow by as to keep himself out of harms way.[/color] [/color]
(1) "Remember the #1 rule, you can dodge most zombie attacks as they are slow and cumbersome, and can easily be taken down by succsesive shots of your standard issue pistol, however the average demon may take a few good shotgun blasts..."
(2) Don't forget to tie your combat boots! We wouldn't want any falls now would we!?
(3) Friendly fire isn't
(4) If you take a dump in someone elses foxhole, be sure to recive returned bombardment.
(5) Your average marine can only take so much damage before he falls, this works both ways!
(6) The anatomy and study of our enemies of hell have lead us to belive, that the most combat effictive way to kill them is by shooting them in the head... Duuurrr.... [color=navy]You know you've been playing Doom3 too long when...[/color] [color=black](1) You get out of your chair after 30 hours, find your dying of starvation and thirst, are over physcotic from lack of sleep, and that every sudden movement makes you issue a small "Gaahh!"[/color]
(2) When you go to McDonalds and ask for a McDemon Meal combo, with Burnies and an extra Cherub burger.
(3) When you hit the McDonalds staff up about not having the latest Pinky Demon figureen in your sons Happy Meal.
(4) When you get up at 1am to go to the bathroom, but decide to hold on untill the morning because you have no ammo left and something may be lurking in the dark.
(5) When you go on a shooting rampage with an Uzi yelling "Back to your firie chasm from whence you came demons!" As people run for thier lives.
(6) You go buck shooting with your mate, and start complaining at the lack of gore when you took down the trophy head.
(7) Callenge Bush to a shootout, as he is the "Biggest, and last boss" for this level.
(8) Shit your pants every time somebody yells at you.
(9) You go to your closest laborotory, and start slaughtering the scientests working there with various weapons/items to "Test the Physics and rag doll effects"
(10) When your key Board, monitor, mouse and body dont seem to work anymore because of overuse....
[color=navy]Ok... You guys get the Drift, now i wanna see some damn good funnies! STAT! Also id like to see some creative marathon stories, eg....[/color]
[color=black]We find our Doom Hero wandering a dark corridoor in the midst of the laborotory. He stops to wipe sweat from his brow with one shaking hand. In the distance, all that can be heard in the cold stiff air are the shrieks of innoncents being slaughtered. "Click, CRACK, BANG!" a loud noise issues from somewhere in the shadows behind him....[/color]
Our Hero opens fire at the general area where the noise came from with his assault rifle. After fireing maybe 30 shots he stops to listen. After not hearing anything he decides to walk foward and peak through the bullet holes in the wall. The walls and floors all around are heavily bloodstained and littered with body parts and corpses and other grotesque sights.... He comes closer to the wall and peeks through a single hole....
"DAMMIT MAN!" yells a darkskinned scientest with his dacks around his ankles, "CANT A GUY TAKE A SHIT IN PEACE!?" "FIRST YOU BLOW A HOLE IN MY NEWSPAPER, NOW YOUR PERVING INTO MA CUBICLE MAN"
[color=purple]lol alrighty, my efforts are fairly subtile, but I want to see every one elses! Have a descent crack at it... it will help us pass the next two weeks up hahaha. Ok post away....[/color]
[color=lime](PS) Any mods who for some reason "Merge/Lock" my beloved and colorful thread may find a flaming bag of shit on their front door step![/color]
The Internet ends at GF
12th July 2004
haha pretty funny.
Anyway, heres mine:
If you didnt get the doom iii copy on the day of the release because of "out of stock" or whatever reason, you can:
1. go to the hospital to steal a copy. i'll bet loads of people are lying in their death beds, still playing the game despite of their numerous heart attacks. 2. if u see the person holding the last copy of doom iii walking out of your local video game store, gut the person with whatever weapon u can find and claim to the police that u did it due to the irresistable demonic force that doom iii possesses 3. wait in your home and sulk 4. commit suicide and leaving a note saying that when the pinky demon was killed, u werent there 5. look at doom iii pictures with concentration for an hour, then conk urself over the head very hard with a baseball bat so u will dream about urself being inside the game and see the various demons (it works!)
please bless me for the first person courageous enough to reply to this DUMB thread (JK)
Hahaha very funny, ill add more stuff l8r
15th January 2004
Marine Code book
1. Discretion is the better part of valour. 2.Cowardice is the better part of discretion. 3.FLEE! FLEE FROM THE BIG SCARY THINGS!!! 4. use the shadows. demons have piss poor nightvision. WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF DEMONIC ATTACK If there is a trans-dimensional leak resulting in a demonic invasion, you should:
a) be somewhere else. If this doesn't work out b) walk softly and carry a really big gun. Or c) Bring a tank.
Haha Chaka, well done i laughed my arse off at the shadows thing there. Ok.....
(1) You are not superman, you are superhuman. (2) Tracers work both ways. (3) If its stupid, but it works, its not stupid. (4) The imp's main weakness is its many eyes, be sure to have your flashlight handy. (5) Most Demons can be easily taken out with a long steady strand of fire, for those more hard to reach places, you may require a BFG9K . (6) The Difference between you and the average zombie is simply that you have more working limbs. Use this to your advantage. (7) If you find yourself trapped in a corner by numerous enemies, dont panic, theres always fists. (8) Yes it is true, the sniper has your 6, but so does the Demon creeping up behind you.
15th January 2004
NForce_1(1) if you see a dumb zombie walking towards you and cant be arsed 2 shoot just lay a grenade in its path and watch the show! (2) See a demon on the ceiling jump up and pray you headbutted it 2 death (3) If you are a religous person just try this - pray for a BFG when loads of demons come (4) gib every thing in sight - extra gore! (5)Quite simple - shoot everything in the head and see the brains fly! ( hold on do demons have brains??? someone answer this ) (6) Love the grenade! (7) stick a rocket up a demons arse ( if you can ) Short story! The marine is stalking through the corridor and sees the BFG, he picks it up and marvels at its design, its POWER and loads it with plasma. He carries on down the corridor and sees naked women scientists he gets closer and sees they are not zombies they are fine!! thank god he says because he didnt want 2 shoot women, never shoot a woman. He goes into the lab and sees demons with cameras taking pictues of the naked women. Confused he gets closer but he is more cautious. The demons see the marine and rage swells up in them. ( remember he has have killed hundreds of their kind :P ) Wtf are they doing with women anyway . The marine look at the women more closely and the marine finds that they are a 3d images to lure you into a trap. The demons launch at the marine and he fire the BFG but it stalls, sh!t the marine yells, f!!cking sh!te gun! He pulls out the super shotgun and one pounces onto him and he blasts it off, blue blood all over him. Hmmm their blood tastes like slush puppy! He kills them all and walks to the kitchen and gets a straw and sucks the bloody out of one. Yum. He gets up and goes to the corridor again to continue his journey. Inside his body the blood is eating him and turning him into a superhuman! The marine yells with pain and falls to the floor and is rapidly changing in size and power. the transformation is complete and he stands up and whacks his head on the ceiling. OW!! stupid ceiling!! and shoots it. The whole ceiling comes down and sh!t and p!ss rains onto him as he hit a sewage pipe!! DAMNIT he yells. wiping sh!t off himself. to be continued ps im not much of a story teller and i think this one is rubbish
well that was surreal.
lol nforce, a sh*t, pointless and storyline lacking as that was, i laughed my arse off when sh*t and piss started falling on him. hehehe so stupid and random :lol: :lol:
I want to be like the Admins
3rd August 2003
Chapter MMCDLIV (2454) When you get back to earth:
1) Do not go to a facility named Black Mesa. 2) If you see a rabbit's head on a stick, go back. 3) Don't buy a one way ticket to earth, for that may lead to a sequel. 4) Pack your shotgun and BFG just in case. 5) If somebody offers you to work as security on the moons of Jupiter or Satrun, say no. And As Always: 6) Beware of modders saying that they will change things to a "realisim" mod. This usually leads to you dying really easily.
The Internet ends at GF
12th July 2004
1. After u play the game, if u hear strange noises and see strange things, then u're normal. 2. The flashlight is more preferable than ur fists if u run out of ammo. 3. If u beat to level 3 without getting at least one jump, then u're a pro gamer! 4. The game is not about killing everything; it is about surviving everything 5. If u're crying due to fear, then u're a real CRYBABY. i mean, the marine u're playing as does not cry and HE is the one who has to face all the demons and monsters and stuff. 6. If ur'e died, my suggestion is do not watch the death scene. It is EXTREMELY disturbing seeing the marine getting killed a gruesome death, especially since u were playing as the marine. 7. Avoid unlucky signs. For instance, if there is a hallway named "Hall 13", go to "Hall 12". 8. Don't kill demons because they will be sent to hell after u kill them. This is extremely important since later on, u'll be going into hell as well. U dont want all the demons whom u killed earlier on to try to kill u again once u're in hell.
I would die without GF
29th November 2003
NForce, that story is a bit off-topic for this thread. Please take it to a new one (copy what you have of it and put it into a new thread, as Duke Nukem#1 did with his Doom novel). Thanks.