So I watched Jason Bourne and London has fallen the other day. I do enjoy a bit of action and if possible a plot that makes you think. Now these two movies certainly don't require you to use your brain, iinfact you need to turn of most of it since various parts make no sense at all.
May contain a few spoilers:
- The blonde woman who tries to contact Bourne... No attempts to hide or camouflage her appearance. In a normal situation a blonde would already stand out a bit due to few blondes being around in Greece and such countries. There will be some around but to blend in I'd chose a dark hair color.... Not her. And by the looks of it she actualy was the only one with blonde hair, the only reason I can think of would be to make it easier for the audience to spot her in the crowd.
- Greek police blockafes seemed a bit randomly placed and I still haven't figured out how they knew to target Bourne amongst all those rioters.
- The whole scene where the CIA tries to stop Bourne from accessing those encrypted files, how they traced him etc. Little was believable.
- The "Use SQL to corrupt their database" (or something along those lines) was a line that made me laugh. They might as well have had various characters shout "Use protocol to attack/defend/trace/... target". Did the script writers got into some argument between using some proper or cool sounding lines (which could be too confusing for those who know zero about computers) and n00b lines (such as "break into their computer") and somehow this very poor and silly line came out?
- The one guy chasing the other (ex CIA) guy and him takiing out all those people... Why? Not to mention the red flags that would raise...
- Hopping from country A, to B, to C to D and in a timespan of a few days... Did they got funding from various tourist agencies? Only reason that I can think of...
- The scene at the airport and the passport... Lol. Surely a person like that would have used other means to get into the country... Also the border officer seemed very nervous (or had to go for a poop very badly) for no apparant reason. How would he last a single day behind that desk??
- The whole plot to take out those people at the conference seemed a bit... silly. Surely the CIA would have come up with better ways to deal with people who disrupt their plans off mass serveilance.
- The guy chasing Bourne dropped bodies by the dozens, must be hell for the cleanup crew and good luck keeping all those ops secret and undectected. Just... lol.
- The whole bit with those people in that room on one of the highest floors.... and all security sent to the ground floor... ROFL
- The escape from the hotel, a proffesional hitman surely would have a better plan than "slot throat of a lone SWAT member, hijack van, speed off". Such planning to enter the hotel undetected, make those shots, get away from the direct scene of action only to all throw it away like that... right...
- The SWAT van plowing through a dozen or so cars and making them fly into the air.
- So the chase ends near some sort of sewer/drainage system. Half the Las Vegas police for is on their teil. choppers spot them entering the tunnels... Bourne has that one last fight. I expect the police to storm in moments later to make the fight a bit more interesting... nothing.. okay maybe the police surrounded all entry points to there ... nope. Did they LV police went like "oh they went underground, well fuck that, let's go home and have some burgers and donuts"?
- Kinda confused about the ending, why would a young, junior female agent meet with that very senior government guy and hint at getting position X which became vacant? Just... no.
- And Bourne caught all that on tape, including the but where she says she will take Bourne down if she has to, surely Bourne knows that she was expected to say this since it's a hard sell to make any person believe the "Yeah Bourne betrayed the CIA but we can get him back because he is a true patriot at heart" garbage?
Overal: ROFL. Excellent watch if you are drunk or don't give a damn about anything making any sense at all.
London has Fallen:
- The senior staff of the various agencies acted as if they were very much not amused by having to organize such a massive event (world leaders attending in London). Even worse, they acted as if they never did such a thing before, and as if there were no detailed handbooks to deal with these very forseeable events. And if for some reason they lacked a whole lot of experience and handbooks... why not cooperate with other agencies such as say the US, Canadians, Germans, Dutch etc. Was the audience to assume that no western power ever had to deal with a "lots of important leaders from around the globe will be together and we must ensure their safety" scenario?
- Disturbing lack of roads being cleared while even at lesser events such as the olympics you will see entire roads or atleast lanes blocked off and reserved for VIPs. Looks like it was up to all the world leaders to figure out how to get to St. James. Poor old Japanese prime minister stuck in traffic etc. Lol.
- Wouldn't all these world leaders be arriving one by one at St. Paul's in a very organized manner? Which ofcourse would be the perfect moment for the baddies to strike with all world leaders in one spot.
- Speaking of the world leaders, they all seemed to be enjoying a fine day off. Relaxing in their boat and various locations. Acting like staff from some company and being sent abroad for the first time and using every oppertunity to enjoy themselves as if it was a mini holiday all expenses paid for.
- The number of baddies dressed up as police etc. One or two baddies possing as officers would be difficult, the number which we saw... not very plausible shall we say. Not one baddy got flagged by the agencies when hiring personell? Not one person who was approached by the baddies decided to blow the whisstle on them? Ugh.
- Now a good number of fake officers etc. could have simply in disguise but that made scenes such as at the steps of St. Pauls even less believable. Good luck trying to sneak in 75-90% fake cops at the very door step of a hug event.
- The bomb on the bomb-checking mirror....
- Explosives all over the place, installed undetected and also not disovery during one of many security sweaps...
- The scene with the armed guards at the palace made me laugh so loud.. Hahaha, a scene straight from ... well something very silly.
- Bombs go off, shots fired, US president makes a run for it.. yet people a street away go about as if nothing had happend.
- Everybody at the choppers acting like the president got back from a quick meal.... might explain why the choppers did not fly way up high and at maximum speed and away from known hostile areas but decide to fly over low, slow and staying within range of the baddies. Note the lack of any other choppers in the areas, since as we all know, during such events the authorities make sure there is zero air support of any kind (weapons, unit drops, surveilance, extraction, ....) what so ever.
- The whole chopper scene... silly tactics (tactics??), not bothering with seatbelts or brace positions when going down... Must have been some teenagers taking daddy's militairy chopper for a spin.
- MI6 stronhold with glass roof access... but the doors and such didn't look very secure either. Guess they just moved in the other day.
- First the embassy is a no-go but after the MI6 compound they decide to head for the embassy? Why???
- Trained commando's deciding not to use cover, get shot, and our hero walks across the very same spot not giving a shit since he know's he won't be shot by the baddies...
- If you are a baddy and do capture the US president, remember not to kill him straighy away but wait for a bit , wait some more and when you are good to go stall more and more while having not having all those dozens of henchmen secure the hallways directly around the room where you are holding the president.
- Scene with the gaspipe was a guaranteed deathwish. YOLO!
- When I heard that the Russians would not be attending I hoped that the Russians would be behind it. Atleast in the first movies they did not go for the "pissed off evil middle eastern baddies are the mastermind behind all of this" plot, sadly instead of chosing an other less boring, obvious and cliche popular enemy they decided to take the obvious route for this movie. Anything with a beard or that looks arab is evil and plots to destriy the wesZZZzzzzz
- Oh and who oh who could the mole be at Scotland Yard? 3 people were prominantly shown their so like we are used to from Hollywood that already narrows things down. And guessing who of the 3 was the mole was not exactly rocket science either... And when one of the other two finally figures things out.. don't bother with say a shot to the leg. Either cufs or a body riddled with bullets and nothing in between is an option.
- And in the end, what would the baddies have achieved? After years and years of planning and by some miracle not being discovered they killed a few world leaders, with only the US president surviving (who would have thought? would be a nice change if he got killed and they showed some other world leader surviving as that would have been less predictable) . Those leaders will be replaced swiftly, so little gained there. The public will be shocked but very very pissed off and wishing revenge, so nothing gained there either. The only winner are the weapons manafucturers but those have been winning for a whle now with all the silly wars around the globe.
- Overal I did expect this movie to be more about brainless action than Bourne but even taking that for granted various scenes just were so wrong. So here too I would advise to get pissed before watching it. The action was fun but for he love of all that is dear try to make the plot a bit more believable or simpl don't bother at all and go Rambo style.
Edit: If this does not make you go "ROFL, how plausible" I don't know what will: