Superman Returns FULL REVIEW (spoilers) 9 replies

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Eulian

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19th September 2008

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#1 10 years ago

I've never liked Superman. It's ridiculous how many powers this guy has. From x-ray vision, to heat vision, to ice breath, to super breath, super hearing, flying, super strength, super speed, and a chest of steel. This is ABSURD. In one of his "classics", they even let the guy TURN BACK TIME. Are you kidding me? The whole idea in inventing a superhero is to give him a cool and unique ability. When thinking up this over-powered and over-hyped excuse for a hero, they just got lazy and threw in everything they could. Anyway, I'll try my best to give a subjective review without this bias. Admittedly, this will be hard not just because of this fact, but so little actually takes place in this film. It'll be like reviewing a picture about a conversation between a mime and a cardboard cut out of the Clear Eyes Guy. What can you possibly say about that?

Here is my review. It's divided into 6 critique areas. It MAY contain spoilers.

INTRO: There are two types of villains. Villain 'A' is mislead. He believes what he's doing is right and considers himself to be the "good guy". He justifies his wrongs by an unbalanced conscience and considers his acts to be for the greater good (a "higher cause", if you will). Villain 'B' is dispicable...and he knows it. He's deceptive, merciless, and heartless, with no redeeming qualities. His motivations are fueled by selfish desire and nothing more. Lex Luther is the latter, and he opens our film. This wasn't bad. We're introduced to our villain, and the audience instantly developes a dislike for him. Then, It isn't too long before our hero makes his debut...and what an uneventful debut it is. The sequence used to show his return is as long as 30 seconds and as emotional or moving as a trip to the grocery store.

PLOT/PACING: Superman Returns isn't about anything important. With the exception of the kid storyline (which is done horribly), nothing momentus happens, nothing is accomplished, none of these characters grow, change, or evolve. Superman simply RETURNS. And this isn't like Batman Returns. Batman came back to defeat new and impressive villains, be tempted by forbidden love, and conquer his own evils. Watching THAT return was entertaining. Clark's return is a like a 2 hour documentary hosted by paid programming that gets aired on your local station at 3 am. NO ONE should be watching this.

ACTION: There is only one legitimate action scene in this pathetic excuse for a fan-film. I loathe saying this, but the plane sequence is pretty cool. It's obviously entirely CGI, but cool nonetheless. Superman's flight is done very well, and the suspense is maintained due to the constant attention given to Lois' situation. It's been said that this is a very high-dollar sequence, but I don't know why. It doesn't look expensive, it's just choreographed/animated well. However, the quality starts and ends here, since everything before and after this sequence is a miserable bore-fest. You quickly get tired of Superman's ego, and his "amazing feats" will become annoying.

CHARACTERS: The man of steel is pompus, arrogant, self-centered, and self-righteous. His acts of herosim are seemingly motivated by his lust for glory and praise. He "saves the day", then just floats around letting people applaud and honor him. The guy has no shame. At least Spider-man humbly web slings away from his fans (pretending to be flattered). And even Batman selflessly takes the huge blame at the end of Dark Knight. But from what they show you about Superman's personality, it's hard for the audience to imagine this character doing anything that noble. I'm surprised he lifts a finger to help the "common people" (that's right, they're the ones that make him famous). Lois is just as bad. Clark shows his face after a long hiatus and she's shown to be whiny, bratty, immature and dishonest. One scene in the film shows Superman using his powers to spy on her. But I don't blame him, I wouldn't trust her either. Lex is the only character worth half the salt in his bread. Sure, he's an idiot too, but at least he's funny and adds a touch comic-relief to this thing. Without his anecdotes, you would get sad watching these people. CONCLUSION: If you're going to make a superhero as cheap and unethical as Superman, at least give him a real weakness. Oh, I'm wrong? His weakness is kryptonite? Lex luther shoves a good 6 inches of the stuff in his side and the guy still lives. After 105 minutes of garbage, this film would have actually redeemed itself by killing off this arrogant jerk. This would have worked well. The writers went through all the trouble of forcing us to accept that this guy has a son now, how fitting it would have been for him to have taken his father's place. What a great plot-line that works out to be: Superman returns...and dies. Good riddance...

SYNOPSIS: There is one scene worth the time of watching in this film. Too bad it's surrounded by 90 minutes of terrible directing, obnoxious characters, and a disgusting plot. Superman Returns was supposed to be this franchise's resurrection, but the only thing it accomplishes is taking away any life that may have been left. I give this movie a POOR rating.

This film was strictly a fan service and shouldn't be taken seriously. For those who have unfortunately already seen it, I'm sorry. There is nothing I can do for you now...




Primarch Vulkan VIP Member

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16th March 2004

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#2 10 years ago

http://forums.filefront.com/entertainment/227455-review-last-movie-you-saw.html


[color=#000000][size=2][b][i]Heralds of the coming doom, Like the cry of the Raven, we are drawn, This oath of war and vengeance, On a blade of exalted iron sworn, With blood anointed swords



Captain Fist

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17th December 2005

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#3 10 years ago

You need to stop reviewing movies. You'll be miserable for the rest of your life.




Eulian

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19th September 2008

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#4 10 years ago

"You need to stop reviewing movies. You'll be miserable for the rest of your life." - Ihaterednecks

Now THAT is funny...you should take my movie-slamming job




Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

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15th September 2004

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#5 10 years ago

Calm down here.

I'll think about putting these in "Rate the last movie you saw." You can write your critiques there, but they'll get less notice so I'll think about it.




Eulian

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#6 10 years ago

Kyle,

I usually do highly anticipated films that I have very strong/unorthodox opinions about (not just anything). And it isn't necessarily the last movie I saw...

You won't see more than 1 of these a week from me (2, tops). That's why I haven't put them in the other thread. But your call...




Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

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#7 10 years ago

I don't mind allowing you to do this, but separate threads may clutter up the forum. You could put your reviews into one thread. I sticky the thread, and we have a movie critic thread.




Lyon

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8th July 2003

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#8 10 years ago

Eulian;4607701Kyle,

I usually do highly anticipated films that I have very strong/unorthodox opinions about (not just anything). And it isn't necessarily the last movie I saw...

You won't see more than 1 of these a week from me (2, tops). That's why I haven't put them in the other thread. But your call...

Just organize all of your reviews that no one will read neatly into one thread.




Eulian

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#9 10 years ago

funny.




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#10 10 years ago

I am very happy with return of superman the first and best comic book superhero. In 2006 Superman Returns was nominated for one of the most fictional academy award nominated superhero film. Superman is a great comic character also innumerable books are published on superman.