Transformers FULL REVIEW (no spoilers) 24 replies

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Eulian

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19th September 2008

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#1 10 years ago

I saw this on opening weekend with a group of friends and was the outcast because of my unique thoughts about this extremely overrated debacle of a movie. Many concede that it was "great" and few lament that it was an injustice to the famed "Robots in Desguise". Well, I for one will not be afraid to say that this is a BAD movie. So, I'm going to say it: "This is a BAD movie." But I won't ask you to settle for that. here's why...

Here is my review. It's divided into 6 critique areas. It will contain no spoilers.

INTRO: A fast and furious montage of explosions that lets you know what the next 2 hours will consist of - action (and nothing else). You quickly realize that this film is void of a plot, character developement, and any real storytelling. It's simply about the effects. The entire rising action, better yet, the entire MOVIE is plagued with this attitude. I call it an "attitude" because this was done purposefully. And ironically, It has NO purpose. The fake characters you're introduced to, the CGI reels, and all the "fluff" have no point. The only purpose is to blow stuff up and make it look cool. But this isn't the worst of it...by far. Wait till you get a load of the other 60 mintues...

PLOT/PACING: A concievable "plot" does not exist in this film. The "story" is only a means to show off their CGI robots - you can call the story-line laughable to be nice about it. "But wait!", many have said. (and this is the only defense people can make for this film's incompetance). "Transformers isn't about the STORY. They didn't care about the plot, they just wanted to make an awesome ACTION/SUMMER flick". So, is this the excuse we give to writers to make crap, hire artists to draw their crap, then earn money on it? Well, I'm not buying it (no pun intended). If people continue to accept this, we will have many more bad movies to deal with in the future. All films will be written by people who've created worthless/meaningless stories and then surrounded them with animation. Contrary to pupular belief, it IS possible to show off your cool special effects AND tell a story. Iron Man, X-men 1, Spiderman 1 and 2, Independence Day, War of the Worlds, Star Wars 4, 5, and 6, Mission Impossible 1 and 3, Die Hard series, King Kong (and the list goes on). These were good movies with awesome action that told great stories. Transformers, on the other hand, is refuse.

ACTION: I bet you're thinking that this is where I'm going to give this movie some positive remarks. Well, you're wrong. As far as I'm concerned, the action in this movie was nothing I hadn't seen before. They blew stuff up and made Auto-Cad images fight each other. This is 2008, we see special effects in every movie that hits the big screen. Just because it's oversized robots this time, doesn't make it any different. And I'm sorry, but if you don't have a good story surrounding your fireworks sequences, I just don't care about it. Is there a reason for the fighting, explosions, or action? No. It's mindless. And so are these writers.

CHARACTERS: If I actually remembered the names of any of these people, I wouldn't deserve to review another movie ever again. The main character was a drunk-punch comedian, and the leading actress was a brainless beauty. Even though I didn't care for the Boy, he was the ONLY thing that added charisma to this film. He's just exploding with idiotic personality. But the Girl was dissapointing. You never understand her motives, affection for the Boy, or her actions. She was so underdeveloped and deprived of any depth of a real person, I thought she was going to burst (in pinata-like fashion) into a cloud of confetti. Now...the robots. They killed this movie. The MAIN attractions were idiots. I thought they from a world of superior technology and science. They were so Americanized, crude, inappropriate, and down right dumb, that it was just unbearably ridiculous. I'm sure the writers were going for comedy, but I wasn't laughing WITH them, I was laughing AT these morons. Optimus was the only one with half a brain but he was too busy supervising the other "adolescent Transformers". This is intended to appeal to kids, but If I was a kid, I would think these were the dumbest heros hollywood has ever tried to con me into liking. This even beats Robin from the 90's Batman films. And we all just LOVED him...

CONCLUSION: This so-called "great" ending was a feat of "revolutionary" computer engineering (sarcasm). The ENTIRE thing was CGI. I don't even think the PEOPLE were real. They probably stopped paying the actors halfway through the filming of the movie and let polygons/textures finish this thing. Ok, I know. You do have to draw the robots, but at least flip some REAL cars, blow some REAL explosives. I'm not saying it was cheesy, but nothing was completely convincing. Anyway, it all came down to Optimus VS Megatron. It was ok, I guess. I didn't really care about either one of them.

SYNOPSIS: Intended to be a summer/action flick, this movie delivers CGI and slapstic comedy. A true story and plot have been sacrificed in order to feed the masses special effects and "water-cooler moments". The characters weren't believable, came off underdeveloped, and annoying. The ending was a computer reel that played out with big explosions and rock music. Overall, this movie fails. A lack of story and logic brings this beloved cartoon adaptation way down. I give this movie a BAD rating.

It's safe to say you can pass this rental up. If you're ever forced to sit through a viewing, just be glad that it's free. A few of you may have liked it, I'm glad and very happy for you. That means your money didn't go to waste. I would have rather purchased 10 double cheeseburgers with mine.




Day_Man

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28th January 2008

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#2 10 years ago

I'm not going to slam you for your opinion, but you sound a tad pretentious. The sole reason this movie exists is to show shit getting blown up. If it was trying to be anything besides that, I would agree with you, though.




Eulian

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19th September 2008

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#3 10 years ago

You make my point exactly Day_Man. The reason for this film existing is entirely asinine. Film, literature, plays, art: these things exist for furtherance of our knowledge. Whether it's a love story, a good action flick, or a nude sculpture, the creator wants to supply innovation and insight into our world. I won't give a film thumbs up unless it does this. Every good piece of art WILL do this.

Transformers is just pathetic. No thought was put into its writing, nor effort into the screenplay or characters (these elements are the very ESSENCE of a story). The money was spent on hiring artists and funding their drafting projects. This is GOOD computer animation (the drafters deserve top-notch plaques), but this is BAD film.

And as I said, if this sub-par standard continues to be accepted, the Dark Knight's and Iron Man's of the world will disappear. All that will be left is shallow plot with brainless characters. "Stop lubricating the humans" You have to be freakin' kiddin me...

And trust me, I wasn't being pretentious, merely giving my honest opinion and trying to be entertaining. You see, this is the nature of my reviews.




Eulian

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19th September 2008

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#4 10 years ago

If what you say is true, that they weren't "trying" to do anything other than blow stuff up, that means they weren't trying to make a good movie. If they purposely disregarded plot and character development, they purposely intended to make a bad movie. It doesn't take a lot of thought or effort to script satisfactory action. You and I could get together and come up with a bunch of great action sequence ideas. All we would need is money to execute them and pay our artists. But funding our "awesome" montages doesn't neceassarily translate into good cinema. Unfortunately, many directors in our modern industry think it does.




Day_Man

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28th January 2008

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#5 10 years ago

Although I do agree with you on the whole explosion montage thing, I've seen FAR worse action movies than this. Also, if you want to review a movie, there's a thread for that. http://forums.filefront.com/entertainment/227455-review-last-movie-you-saw-103.html#post4600498




Commissar MercZ

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#6 10 years ago

Well, this movie has been out for a long time. You're kind of late to the party.

You have some points though, especially with its focus on action, but I wouldn't slam the film down as hard as you did though. It's transformers, the cartoons weren't meant to be a serious, deep works of art- they were Saturday morning cartoons. It's Michael Bay though, this man loves special effects.

Next time you write a review though, could you use regular text?




Psychokenesis

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16th October 2003

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#7 10 years ago

While Eulian comes down pretty hard on Transformers. I have to agree. You spend a hundred million dollars and you expect to get a little ...heck...a lot more than a live action version of a Saturday cartoon. I spend 8-10 dollars on a movie, I expect something worth while..

Let's be honest Transformers could have been any movie....Hmmm. Let's call it.. Armageddon....same idea ...explosions, the motiff is just different.

I was hugelyl disapointed on this one. It lacked substance at about every juncture. The Previews spun this into suspence triller what we actually got was action comedy. And bad comedy at that....talk about false advertisment.




Crumbs

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11th September 2002

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#8 10 years ago
Eulian;4600138...I would have rather purchased 10 double cheeseburgers with mine.

I know somebody who did that. Those were good times.




sasha

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4th July 2008

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#9 10 years ago

1 year too late bub. overall concensous sais this movie rocks and i agree.




Day_Man

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#10 10 years ago
sasha;46030781 year too late bub. overall concensous sais this movie rocks and i agree.

Care to expand on your opinion? Otherwise, you're just proving this guy's point.