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Real-BadSeed

Science experiment

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5th December 2004

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#1 12 years ago

Ok heres a thread for jokes people might have and want to share. keep the jokes clean so they dont break the forum rules.. k joke#1 Who ever said that a person being retired had to diminish their sense of humor. Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. This what I found out .......................... Well for example, the other day my retired friend went into town and went into a shop. He was only in there for about 5 minutes when he came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. He went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" The cop ignored him and continued writing the ticket. Then he called him a Nazi turd. He glared at him and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So he called him a craphead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more he abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, he didn't really care.. because he came into town on a bus! This was his entertainment for the day. [COLOR=black]hehe evil hehehe[/COLOR] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- joke#2 An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another false alarm and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off him and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down, replied: "I'm not sure but I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost". :D




Josey Wales

Save the wales !

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1st December 2003

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#2 12 years ago

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him."

"Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs."

"Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

JW




Josey Wales

Save the wales !

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1st December 2003

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#3 12 years ago

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty nine year olds?

Because there's twenty of em

JW




Biiviz

Eggs!

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29th February 2004

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#4 12 years ago
Josey Wales

Save the wales !

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1st December 2003

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#5 12 years ago

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"

JW




snotvod

11

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26th May 2005

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#6 12 years ago

A man decides to go to the hospital because his arm hurts. Because there is a large amount of people waiting to be checked, he goes back to his car to come back the next day. But at the door of the hospital there is a machine, it looks like a coffee-vending machine, with little cups hanging next to it. The man is thursty so he wants to get a coffee, but he finds out the machine doesn't vend coffee, but it makes a diagnose based on your urine, contained in a cup. Since the man is allways up for something new, he takes a cup and goes to the toilet. When he comes back, he places the cup into the machine, and after a strange buzzing sound, the machine writes a note: You have a tennis elbow The man is in awe about the wonder of technology this machine is, but he is still a bit sceptical, and wants to test just how good this machine is. He takes another cup and drives home. He goes to the toilet, masturbates in the cup and takes a used tampon out of the trash can. When he goes back to his car, he spots a dog turd, and he puts it in the cup too. Once arrived at the hospital, he puts the cup in the machine. Again, that strange buzzing sound, and again, a note comes out: Your dog has worms Your doughter is pregnant If you dont stop masturbating, your tennis elbow will never heal




pvt. Allen

I would die without GF

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20th July 2005

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#7 12 years ago

No offence to anyone, but this is the first one that came to my mind. What's the formula for escaping a ww2 German death camp? h*v, in other words chimney's height multiplied with velocity of the wind




FlyGuy45

*TRA* Spsk. Pilotka VVS

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22nd June 2005

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#8 12 years ago
pvt. Allen;3354697No offence to anyone, but this is the first one that came to my mind. What's the formula for escaping a ww2 German death camp? h*v, in other words chimney's height multiplied with velocity of the wind

Your terrible. :naughty:




Josey Wales

Save the wales !

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1st December 2003

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#9 12 years ago
pvt. Allen;3354697No offence to anyone, but this is the first one that came to my mind. What's the formula for escaping a ww2 German death camp? h*v, in other words chimney's height multiplied with velocity of the wind

Honestly, thats not a joke, allen.

JW




Real-BadSeed

Science experiment

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5th December 2004

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#10 12 years ago

Hear about the new Micheal Jackson doll? Wind it up, and it plays with your kids... :p