Repeat after me: "There is no such thing as a good Tom Cruise movie". -1 reply

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jumjum

Write heavy; write hard.

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10th April 2005

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#1 12 years ago

Oh God. I just died of a self-inflicted wound. I watched most of the last 1 1/2 hours (at least with commercials - AMC) of the Last Samurai. I am so stupid, stupid, STUPID!

The jaw-dropping arrogance of the man. Okay, I remember the hitman movie with one of the Wayans brothers, but in the last 15 years has he been in a movie where he wasn't so incredibly competent, brave, honest, generous, honorable, intelligetn, energetic that no on else in the film comes close to him? Hell, even as the hitman he was supposed to be the world's best.

What got me about The Last Samurai wasn't the Bruce Lee moves that somehow got to 19th century Japan, nor the idea that this shrimp (who wears such lifts that his shoes must look like a matched pair of build-ups for clubfoot) is such a commanding presence that his every movement must be shadowed by his enemies. No, not the idea that he could survive being set upon by what looked like 6 assasins, they apand he after having been held as a POW for a few months (I didn't see earlier parts, thank goodness) somehow having acquired godlike fighting skills that he vanquishes all in seconds, even with his back to one.

Not even the idea that, having arguably reneged on a mercenary contract with the lawfully constituted governement of Japan, joined with rebels, and having taken up arms against the armed forces of the government of Japan, having engineered the deaths and maimings of, even the living immolations of, hundreds of government troops, and having survived, tremendously outnumbered, armed with only his handy katana and red-laquered-wood breastplate, against trained troops armed with repeating bolt-action rifles, a grand battery of field howitzers, and half-a-dozen non-jamming Gatling guns, and having been disabled by numerous wounds, and having finally participated in an act of utter disdain toward the government commander, in his very face....all these, and yet the Japanese troops were not angered, not incensed, not even remotely true to their heritage and history, and didn't capture and torture this mercenary, or even dispatch him with, uh, dispatch; rather, they gave him immediate medical treatment, and gave him the run of the country, with complete freedom of movement.

No, not even that some former US Army captain, the same recent armed rebel against The Son Of Heaven, the Emperor of all Nippon, has such ease of movement that he can at his whim interrupt a high diplomatic meeting attended by the Emperor himself, and somehow use his Cruise-y mojo to compel that Emperor to abrogate a treaty with the United States.

Nope, not even the howler that, in loftily teaching the Emperor a thing or two about how to act like a man, proffers the deceased rebel-chieftan's sword, and implores the Emperor to remember what the fading samurai class "had died for". (My God, that is a good one, and might have tipped the scales. To suggest that the samurai class, as a class, for centuries had nobly sacrificed their lives for the good of Japan - and not for endless squabbles between feudal lords, or drunken rages and insulted arrogance! As if they were chai-sipping Minutemen, eternally on the watch for chances to give their lives so that every man woman and child in Japan could be free. Hoohoo! That is rich.)

What really got it for me, was the truly astonishing conceit that he would play a character that had such obvious "honor" that it oozed from every pore like some neon aura, so that every honorable samurai, even every Japanese, immediately recognized it. And that this Cruise mojo was so superior to the shabby little honor of the Japanese that they felt in awe of Cruise, and honored him for just being Tom Cruise. Am I getting through here? It was almost offensive to me to watch a movie which assumes that the western man is such a superior being that he is immediately catapulted to the fore of the Japan's most important events. The very idea that they would feel unworthy or outclassed by Curise, it just makes my head hurt. What kind of an arrogant ass would have to make a movie like that?




Cap'n Rommel

The Good

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7th August 2004

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#2 12 years ago

I actually think that the Last Samurai, was pretty good... atleast better than other some movies




Strumtrupp

FH:STURMTRUPP4|BF2:HG_The Tank

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1st January 2005

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#3 12 years ago

The movie would have been fantastic had it not been for TC. Still a great movie because the other actors really steal TC's show.




stylie

Mas stylie por favor...

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12th April 2005

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#4 12 years ago

I think You're a loose cannon. SHOWBOATIN! ICEMAN!!! top_gun_3.jpg




Gauntlet

Dead rather than Red!

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25th April 2004

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#5 12 years ago

I'm shocked Jumjum! Rain Man is a damn good movie...!

And Top Gun is a good ol' classic, so don't bother trying to ruin it for me! :p

"Thats right Iceman...I am dangerous!" *snapps teeths*




stylie

Mas stylie por favor...

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12th April 2005

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#6 12 years ago

Rainman was pretty good. But I liked Vanilla Sky to. I think that was more for Penelope. She's not the hottest thing, but she's got a little something about her=== YUMMY!




Fuzzy Bunny

Luke, I am your mother.

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1st May 2005

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#7 12 years ago

You people are all too young.

Risky Business was awesome.

And mmmhrmmmmm Penelope Cruz...

ps: Jumjum, you fool, how could you dislike a film about S0RDZ? Last Samurai had GRASS NINJAS and S0RD HEAD CHOPPING.




oscar989

http://www.forgottenhonor.com/

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3rd April 2005

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#8 12 years ago

Jum jum you didn't even watch the whole movie, so I don't think you should judge it.




Jetro

There's a satchel on your tank

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6th December 2004

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#9 12 years ago

I saw the whole movie and his rant is spot on. The movie was had an extreme arrogance about it. All American man Tom Cruise, the Great Superior white westerner, comes to Japan dazzling all who see him with his rugged manliness and the mysterious aura that comes from his dark past. He can do anything.

Mastering the art of swordsmen ship that takes decades of commitment to fine tune in a few months to the point that 6 assasins that have trained their entire lives can be dispatched by the simple flick of his blade? Check.

Teaching the Emperor of Japan how to respect his own culture, healing his woeful inadequacies as a rule with a mere gesture? Check.

Showing Katsumoto the meaning of honor, becoming his most trusted millitary advisor and even denying Katsumoto of the strength to commit his last act of honor (seppuku) so Ameriman Tom Cruise can help. Check.

Killing that samurai in the beggining of the movie and then befriend his family, takes his food, sword, armor, the love of his kids, and his woman for himself. Check.

Writing himself into a critcal moment of Japanese history showing blatant disrespect for their culture and heritage. Check.

Funny thing is, if the Japanese made a movie with an imperial soldier helping George Washington win the Revolution with ole' GW as the side kick, we'd be enraged. But I guess it's ok when it's just the Japs history you trample.:uhm:




Fuzzy Bunny

Luke, I am your mother.

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1st May 2005

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#10 12 years ago
JetroFunny thing is, if the Japanese made a movie with an imperial soldier helping George Washington win the Revolution with ole' GW as the side kick, we'd be enraged. But I guess it's ok when it's just the Japs history you trample.:uhm:

Why? I mean, we were pretty keen on a bunch of Germans, Frenchmen and Poles doing just that :-)