Semovente: Si Muove, Baby. -1 reply

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Fuzzy Bunny

Luke, I am your mother.

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2nd May 2005

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#1 12 years ago

So, me and Joey Potato was sittin' on pop's front stairs, talkin' about how we was gonna do a heist on old Gerschenbaum's pawn shop up on 5th, and Joey comes up wit' dis GREAT idea, I tells you, he wantsa use a tractor from his cousin Sally's construction lot, an' I tells him, "Joey, youse a GENIUS, like that Einstone fella", and Joey sez, "watch it, you mean Sol Einsteen? The guy who went out with my sister? I oughta pop you one." So's we gets the guys together, and Vincent the Plug (he's the smart one, see) says he's got this uncle back in the old country, Benny somethin', who's planning a job on one of his neighbors, but you see, Benny was never the most al dente noodle in the linguini if you gets my drift, so's he could use a little help, see, and maybe we can make a lot more moolah than from Gerschenbaum's by boosting a coupla these tractors from Sally's, gettin the insurance off 'em, and sellin' em to Benny's boys, and you see, Joey brother knows a storehouse where they got a buncha old guns from the big war, maybe we could bolt 'em to these things and charge a bit more... History In 1940 the Italians decided they needed a self-propelled light assault gun to provide cover for equally light tanks and Vespa-mounted shock brigades, and came up with the Semovente L40 series (Semovente = "self-moving", but only just) by mounting a box structure on an L6 tank chassis. For lack of a real tank destroyer, these vehicles were pressed into this role, similar to the StuG-III, except much smaller. And of course way slicker. What can I say, they're Italian, not the Volkswagen-driving hordes that hit Rimini each year. The Semovente was a seminal moment for Italian self-propelled artillery design, as it was the first such vehicle whose designers agreed (albeit reluctantly) to spoil its lines with ugly guns. 3-man crew, ca. 35km/h, ca. 6.7 tons, 6-30mm armor (WOOHOO!) and either a 47mm or 75mm 75/18 m35 main gun (command versions had a Breda M38 8mm MG cleverly disguised as a 47mm gun.) Range ca. 125km, tested by head designer Enrico Ansaldo when he drove it to mamma's house in Liguria on a weekend. In 1941, the first 47mm-armed L40s were produced, followed in 1942 by the 75/18 (just in time to help their Amici Tedesci receive a historic ass-whooping at El Alamein.) Good thing you, paisan, are not that upstart Rommel, and naturally you'll do better. Hey, if you don't, the Americans are coming soon, they're all from Brooklyn too. The Semovente is basically a Cinquecento with tracks and a gun. Both the L40 47/32 and the 75/18 are actually the same vehicle (the 75/18 was really called the L40 75/18, but I'll just sit here smugly smiling, sipping my espresso instead of guilt-tripping our fearless leaders on shoddy research.) Only about 200 75/18s were made, and the Germans grabbed all of these that they could find after the 1943 armistice, which says something about their quality. Usage 1. Gunsights: L40s can not use artillery sports. Additionally, the 47/32 has a simple crosshair-type sight, while the 75/18 has a German-style sight. 2. Aiming: The 47/32 shoots low to the left of center, the 75/18 low to the right of center. Specifically: the L40 47/32 hits at the left end of the first left bar in the gunsight crosshair, and at the bottom of the first lower vertical bar (at close range.) The 75/18 hits a tiny bit more than two large triangles below the bottom of the center triangle, and a tiny infinitesmal bit left of the right edge of the first small triangle to the right of center. I tested this. Trust me. Would this face lie? 3. The Italian Cisalpino is a marvel of streamlined engineering design. Unfortunately, on the last one I rode, the toilets were broken, the automatic window blinds didn't work and the powered door of my compartment tended to slam into passengers' faces. Likewise, the Semoventes provide a convenient headlamp and a spigot for the built-in espresso machine out the rear, neither of which work. But the license plates match! 4. If you've ever driven a Ferrari, you'll notice that there is space for one of these, miniskirt%2520is%2520back%2520sexy%2520fashion%2520skirt%2520boutique%2520designers%2520marc.jpg a change of clothes (for her), bad-girl-thong.jpg and a pocket travel guide (if you pack creatively.) The Semovente is built the same way. The luggage is supposed to be on the top, do not panic, this is a design feature. Plus it stops bullets. 5. Bella bambina, 3 o'clock! Too bad you can't look to the side to see her. Unlike the real thing, in FH both the L40 47/32 and 75/18 have very limited horizontal gun traverse (hello, devs, this seems to be a favorite omission on all the really cool vehicles.) 6. Remember my midget playing soccer analogy with the Vickers? Ditto, except you are now the MIDGET KING. And you have a hammer. 7. Riding a classic Vespa is tricky--you gotta work the pedal with your foot facing out sideways and push it slowly with your heel, otherwise it takes off like a rocket and you won't have Maria snuggling up behind you anymore, but screaming obscenities from the mud. My 1946 Moto Guzzi is an equally cantankerous bitch, requiring simultaneous manipulation of levers, buttons, plugs, wires, grips, handles, pedals and knobs. The Semovente is different (except for the fact that it has a 2-stroke Vespa engine.) A comfortable 5mph is all you'll have to put up with. Which once again proves that someone wasn't doing their homework, because if they'd ever checked up on Italian cars, they'd know a bit more about how mechanically reliable they are... 8. The guns on the L40s are fairly buff--2 shots to the tracks for a Crusader (and 2 for a Vickers, but I don't know whether this says something about Vickers or Crusader build quality) and most other medium tanks you'll encounter. Most lighter vehicles will take one shot to the side. 9. You're tiny and you blend in. Except for that REALLY NOISY VESPA ENGINE. Hide. 10. Avoid all situations where infantry can get behind you. The Semovente has a great sun deck out back where miniskirt%2520is%2520back%2520sexy%2520fashion%2520skirt%2520boutique%2520designers%2520marc.jpg can hang out wearing bad-girl-thong.jpg Unfortunately, that's also a fantastic place for satchels. 11. No machine guns on either. Fhmod.org tells lies. Do not trust fhmod.org. Only trust Fuzzy Bunny. 12. Armor: Marder II, frontal, one shot. Nuff said. 13. You're equally handy doing whack jobs on infantry as you are on tanks. Rape any bunker you come across, but be sure to take on tanks at any opportunity. They may not see you. Remember: midgets with hammers. 14. It may look sluggish and impractical, but really, it is a beautiful thing. You see: Ita-75mmSPG.jpg Elegant greyhounds of the dunes, are they not? Compare to this hideous monstrosity: tank_infantry_mkii.jpg Although to be fair, anything looks good with an Italian flag on it: 300px-MatildaII.jpg Vaffanculo Monty, you have no beautiful.




affeee

Proud to be an FH player

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15th January 2006

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#2 12 years ago
11. No machine guns on either. Fhmod.org tells lies. Do not trust fhmod.org. Only trust Fuzzy Bunny.

:rofl: your lesions(sp?) are so nice! keep them coming! :bows:




GeRmAn~BRATWURST

FH2 Dev .. eventually

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28th November 2004

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#3 12 years ago

hmmm ... I read nothing bout Lllamas. I wanttt kkratsy Lllamas! Or aht se least a mØØse




wjlaslo

I've defected to the Pies

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13th August 2004

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#4 12 years ago
FuzzyBunnyAlthough to be fair, anything looks good with an Italian flag on it

LOL great 10/10 again




Gauntlet

Dead rather than Red!

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26th April 2004

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#5 12 years ago

:lol:

Great as always, Fuzzy! Thanks!




stylie

Mas stylie por favor...

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13th April 2005

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#6 12 years ago
affeee:rofl: your lesions(sp?) are so nice! keep them coming! :bows:

I too enjoy your lesions!!! skin1.jpg




LIGHTNING [NL]

FH2 Developer

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30th May 2003

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#7 12 years ago

Nice post Fuzzy...

Except for dissing the Matilda! She's the queen of the desert and she has Semovente's for breakfast! And again for lunch!

Also, that last picture - it's not a captured matilda, it's a captured Italian flag. ;)




Fuzzy Bunny

Luke, I am your mother.

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2nd May 2005

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#8 12 years ago
'LIGHTNING [NL']Also, that last picture - it's not a captured matilda, it's a captured Italian flag. ;)

I didn't say it was captured, just that it looked better with a tricolore on it, you pedant. Here's a real captured one for you Matilda II geeks:

2773d3ik3.jpg

Hah! But alas, it's just not the same, is it :-(




MkH^

FH tester

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25th September 2003

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#9 12 years ago

Haha. Good posting!




Moose12

I am also [130.Pz]Gef.Elche Pz

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6th December 2005

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#10 12 years ago

"Riding a classic Vespa is tricky--you gotta work the pedal with your foot facing out sideways and push it slowly with your heel, otherwise it takes off like a rocket and you won't have Maria snuggling up behind you anymore, but screaming obscenities from the mud."

haha Fuzzy I actually LOL at this one, Maria, poor Maria.




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