2005 CA State Employees Handbook Reviewed And Approved By Arnold Schwarzenegger 15 replies

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Spartan VIP Member

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4th August 2003

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#1 13 years ago

I think some of these might go over well with the GF staff... ;)

SICK DAYS

Ve vill no longer accept a doktor's shtatement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doktor, you are able to come to verk.

PERSONAL DAYS Each employee vill receive 104 personal days a year. Dey are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that dey can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because dat's all der time needed to drink der Shlim Fast.

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to verk dressed according to your salary. If ve see you vearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, ve assume you are doing vell financially and derefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so dat you may buy nicer clothes, and derefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-betveen, you are right vere you need to be and derefore you do not need a raise.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE Dis is no excuse for missing verk. Dere is notting you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-verkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to da arranchments. In rare cases vere employee involvement is necessary, da funeral should be scheduled in da late afternoon. Ve vill be glad to allow you to vork troo your lunch hour and subsequently leave vone hour early.

RESTROOM USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in da restroom. Dere is now a shtricht 3-minute time limit in der shtalls. At der end of tree minutes, an alarm vill sound, der toilet paper roll vill retract, the shtall door vill open and a picture vill be taken. After your second offense, your picture vill be posted on der company bulletin board under da "Chronic Offenders" category.

Tank you for your loyalty to our great shtate. Ve are here to provide a positive employment experience. Tank you, DER GOVERNATER




Col Jimmy Emeric

Led Zeppelin pwns all

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16th April 2004

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#2 13 years ago

lmao i like the restroom use and personal days and the dress code

that reminds me my friend has a shirt that has a picture of the terminator and underneath it is says "Arnold says no to girlie men" just thought i'd bring that up

just an interesting fact there are atleast 2-3 people who were in the movie predator who are now in an elected position




DCLXVI

Jose Cuervo: Obey your thirst.

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26th November 2004

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#3 13 years ago

lol good one.




Μαjïç MushrøøM

I would die without GF

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29th November 2003

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#4 13 years ago

SpartanRESTROOM USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in da restroom. Dere is now a shtricht 3-minute time limit in der shtalls. At der end of tree minutes, an alarm vill sound, der toilet paper roll vill retract, the shtall door vill open and a picture vill be taken. After your second offense, your picture vill be posted on der company bulletin board under da "Chronic Offenders" category.

That isn't going to fly well with those suffering from a bowel condition (constipation, explosive diarrhea, etc.). :p




AegenemmnoN VIP Member

The cream of the crop

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19th August 2003

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#5 13 years ago

i like it.




Ensign Riles VIP Member

No! I'm Spamacus!

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17th June 2003

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#6 13 years ago

I wish the dress code was applicable here, it would imply we were getting paid. ;)




Spartan VIP Member

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#7 13 years ago

You mean the cookies aren't enough?




Mastershroom VIP Member

Frag Out!

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18th November 2004

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#8 13 years ago

My God...you get cookies and you don't feel employed? You heartless bastard...




Admiral Donutz VIP Member

Wanna go Double Dutch?

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9th December 2003

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#9 13 years ago

Funny, though i don't understand what Arnold Schwarzenegger has to do with this? :confused:




Spartan VIP Member

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#10 13 years ago

He is the governor of California.




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