I think some of these might go over well with the GF staff... ;)
SICK DAYS
Ve vill no longer accept a doktor's shtatement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doktor, you are able to come to verk.
PERSONAL DAYS Each employee vill receive 104 personal days a year. Dey are called Saturday and Sunday.
LUNCH BREAK Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that dey can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because dat's all der time needed to drink der Shlim Fast.
DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to verk dressed according to your salary. If ve see you vearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, ve assume you are doing vell financially and derefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so dat you may buy nicer clothes, and derefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-betveen, you are right vere you need to be and derefore you do not need a raise.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE Dis is no excuse for missing verk. Dere is notting you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-verkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to da arranchments. In rare cases vere employee involvement is necessary, da funeral should be scheduled in da late afternoon. Ve vill be glad to allow you to vork troo your lunch hour and subsequently leave vone hour early.
RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in da restroom. Dere is now a shtricht 3-minute time limit in der shtalls. At der end of tree minutes, an alarm vill sound, der toilet paper roll vill retract, the shtall door vill open and a picture vill be taken. After your second offense, your picture vill be posted on der company bulletin board under da "Chronic Offenders" category.
Tank you for your loyalty to our great shtate. Ve are here to provide a positive employment experience. Tank you, DER GOVERNATER
lmao i like the restroom use and personal days and the dress code
that reminds me my friend has a shirt that has a picture of the terminator and underneath it is says "Arnold says no to girlie men" just thought i'd bring that up
just an interesting fact there are atleast 2-3 people who were in the movie predator who are now in an elected position
lol good one.
I would die without GF
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29th November 2003
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SpartanRESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in da restroom. Dere is now a shtricht 3-minute time limit in der shtalls. At der end of tree minutes, an alarm vill sound, der toilet paper roll vill retract, the shtall door vill open and a picture vill be taken. After your second offense, your picture vill be posted on der company bulletin board under da "Chronic Offenders" category.
That isn't going to fly well with those suffering from a bowel condition (constipation, explosive diarrhea, etc.). :p
I wish the dress code was applicable here, it would imply we were getting paid. ;)
You mean the cookies aren't enough?
My God...you get cookies and you don't feel employed? You heartless bastard...
Funny, though i don't understand what Arnold Schwarzenegger has to do with this? :confused:
He is the governor of California.
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