50 Facts about Both Sexes 68 replies

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NiteStryker

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#1 13 years ago

I have a feeling this is old but i found it hysterical.

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.

32. The first naked man women see is 'Ken'.

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man- language.

36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentines Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

41. Did I mention that even after a careful and through explaination to the men in their lives, only women will understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'?

42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'

:rofl:




PropheticKarma

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#2 13 years ago

Just to tip the scales: 50 facts about men. 1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. 2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 3. If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush. 4. Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald." 5. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. 6. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him. 7. If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season. 8. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important. 9. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. 10. All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals. 11. The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. 12. Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know. 13. Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps. 14. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow,instead of a gun. 15. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. 16. Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. 17. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf. 18. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. 19. Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. 20. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. 21. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man. 22. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy. 23. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore. 24. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo." 25. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door. 26. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. 27. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies. 28. Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. 29. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. 30. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. 31. When four or more women get together, they talk about men. 32. Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly. 33. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. 34. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?" 35. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you. 36. Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." 37. Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women. 38. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks. 39. Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting." 40. Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. 41. Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit. 42. Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit. 43. Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed. 44. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. 45. When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk. 46. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles. 47. Men forget everything; women remember everything. 48. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. 49. Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony. 50. All men would still really like to own a train set. :rofl: :lol:




Admiral Donutz VIP Member

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#3 13 years ago

Haha old alright but still funny due to the exagerations and stereotypes. :lol: edit: I was just going to say there was a List with facts about man also but Karma posted it already. hehe.




NiteStryker

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#4 13 years ago

lol nice list karma, i changed the thread title to even it out a bit

" If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. "

:rofl:




PropheticKarma

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#5 13 years ago
NiteStryker 3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'. [/quote] :lol: God this is my mom.
NiteStryker 4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them. [/quote] Oh my dear god, yes. :vikki: Its pathetic.
NiteStryker 8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.[/quote] Again totally true here.
NiteStryker 10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.[/quote] Mostly true, I'd rather die than tell a secret like that.
NiteStryker19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.[/quote] :wtm:
NiteStryker 21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple? [/quote] If only, If only.
NiteStryker22. Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'[/quote] Quoted by a girl at school: "Formula one cars: Oh!! so they have wings and they make them fly?" :cort:
NiteStryker23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
NiteStryker 27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
Ladies and Gentlemen: My mother & godmother. [QUOTE=NiteStryker] 30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
True in most women, there are some select few who do want the truth though. [QUOTE=NiteStryker]31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.
Yup, you're in my way you're dead just by proxy.They used to joke that if a women was president she'd bomb someone every month. :p [QUOTE=NiteStryker]32. The first naked man women see is 'Ken'.

I found this hysterical personally. :rofl:

[QUOTE=NiteStryker]35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man- language.

Oh hell yes. duh. [QUOTE=NiteStryker] 38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
Tis true, damn the media! :uhoh: [QUOTE=NiteStryker]40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
:giggle: This is true only my mom has a clue there, its just a plate to me. [QUOTE=NiteStryker]42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
For most women this is true...:p [QUOTE=NiteStryker]45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

Been there, done that. ^_~ I mean...oops...




RadioactiveLobster Forum Admin

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#6 13 years ago
[color=purple] 50. All men would still really like to own a train set.[/color]

damn straight.......

" If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. "

it is personal, i spent 20 minutes getting that damn fire started........ My mom asked me this one time (word for word quote) (me and my dad were watching Die Hard) "What is it with men and explosions and gunfights?" I responded, "You just wouldnt understand."


If there is no image, Mikey broke something...



Admiral Donutz VIP Member

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#7 13 years ago

Hey miniaute trains own! I have a truck load of them on the ettic and its a damn expensive hobby! :D




AegenemmnoN VIP Member

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#8 13 years ago

good lists.

"50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'"

my fave.




Covin Narcissus

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#9 13 years ago
21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

I always got the idea that Adam was Eve the entire time?

But... there is some truth to that. The man always has to appologize first, and then I will... maybe.




-Ghost-

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#10 13 years ago

:giggle: Funny list, both of them. The sad thing is, a lot of them are true. :p