Attacked by a monkey (non-rabid I hope) 29 replies

Please wait...

Guest

I didn't make it!

0 XP

 
#1 13 years ago

There I was, minding my own bussiness walking through city park. It was around 8:00PM and just turning dusk. I have a habit of whisteling while I walk, so it tends to make things around me inaudible. Just then I heard a crackle from somewhere behind me, but I wasn't sure. I stopped my tune and took a quick 360 look around me. Nothing. So I kept on walking. About ten minutes later, as I neared the section that lacked street lights, it happened again. But this time there was also a hoot. I straightened up, ready to defend against some crazed New York sex pervert... but nothing happened. So I picked up my pace and moved straight ahead for a section of lit benches. As I neared the benches I got a strange eerie feeling, like somebody was near me. So I turned around again, and stopped to squint into the ever knowing darkness. Just that second it lept at me. A four foot high monkey, with long white teeth and a crazed look in his eye. "Get back you bastard" I shouted at him. I reached into my pocket for my can of super-mace. The stuff is super powerful and I am told that it is capable of folding a 300LB man on contact. Unfortunately, as I shuffled deeper in my pocked all I found was a gaping hole... the can had falled out somewhere along the walk. I snapped again tward the monkey to make a defending posture. I hooted, and yelled and jumped in the air like a pill fiend. But I was screwed. The monkey somehow had picked up my mace along the way. I backed up VERY SLOWLY... cursing softly under my breath. "My god" I thought "What if he actually knows how to USE it?" He began to look agitated, and stood up on his hind haunches. He started another crazed hooting session and raising the mace high in the air like a trophy, almost crotch level. He screamed, I screamed... he sprayed the mace. Luckily for me, monkeys dont have aposable thumbs and are therefor very bad shots. The stream zipped pasy my left arm, narrowly missing me. But the mist was all in that air and both I and the monkey were feeling the effects. This just enraged the beast further... so I made my move. I finished him in one fell swoop, with a swift sandal kick to what I estimated to be his monkey crotch. The blow knocked him over, sent him howling in agony. I would have loved to stay and savor my victory, but felt the sudden need to RUN. So run I did... unimaginable fast, much faster than I had over gone before. For I was running from a screaming monkey, one who I just kicked square in the nuts. I was lucky that day. I hate to think what might have happened if that foul beast had taken after me again. Perhaps I wouldnt be sitting here today. Or perhaps I would have a stuffed, ball-less monkey here on my wall above my computer. But one thing is FOR SURE... if I ever see that little bastard again HE had better be the one to run. Cause now I carry TWO cans of mace.




Ekips

Dread thinks I'm a special person

50 XP

18th November 2004

0 Uploads

316 Posts

0 Threads

#2 13 years ago

what?




!moof

Note to self: Find pants.

50 XP

19th October 2002

0 Uploads

2,321 Posts

0 Threads

#3 13 years ago

The hell is this?




Guest

I didn't make it!

0 XP

 
#4 13 years ago

If you would have bothered to read it, you would know.




!moof

Note to self: Find pants.

50 XP

19th October 2002

0 Uploads

2,321 Posts

0 Threads

#5 13 years ago

If I hadn't read the thing I wouldn't have asked the question.




yod@

I'm way cooler than n0e (who isn't though?)

50 XP

14th April 2004

0 Uploads

4,898 Posts

0 Threads

#6 13 years ago

guys dont spam or i'll have to close this




Overwatch

Woot!

50 XP

6th June 2005

0 Uploads

1,189 Posts

0 Threads

#7 13 years ago

true or flase, seriously?




LIGHTNING [NL]

FH2 Developer

50 XP

30th May 2003

0 Uploads

9,811 Posts

0 Threads

#8 13 years ago

The pub is for serious discussion, not bedtime stories.

Moved to General Discussion




colonel_bob

Here & There

50 XP

4th June 2004

0 Uploads

6,685 Posts

0 Threads

#9 13 years ago

Yeah, that sounds really made up... MAybe its just good storytelling, but I'm guessing not.




Phoenix_22 VIP Member

46 and 2, are just ahead of me

255,785 XP

23rd September 2004

0 Uploads

24,266 Posts

0 Threads

#10 13 years ago

You got attacked by a monkey? :wtf: Seriously? But most monkeys are not 4 feet tall.