Chav Jokes 36 replies

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AzH

I'm too cool to Post

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17th September 2003

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#1 13 years ago

What do you call a chav in a box? Innit.

What do you call a chav in a filling cabinet? Sorted.

What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe.

What do you call an Eskimo chav? Innuinnit.

Why are chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

What do you call a chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride.

You're in your car and you see a chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.

What's the difference between a chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

What's the first question at a chav quiz night? "Wot you lookin' at?"

How do you get 100 chavs into a phone box? Paint three stripes on it.

Two chavs in a car without any music…..who's driving? The police.

What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's? A liar.

What do you say to a chav with a job? Can I have a big mac please.

What do you say to a chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand.

What do you call a knife in chaville? Exhibit A.

Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4.

What do you call a 27 year old chavette? Granny.

How many chavs does it take to change a light bulb? One, they'll screw anything.

What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.

How many chavs does it take to clean a floor? None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."

Why did the chav take a shower? He didn’t mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash.

Why did the chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

What do you call a chav at college? The cleaner.

A bus full of chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Society!

How do you stop a chav from drowning? Take your foot off their head.

What's the difference between a chav girl and the Grand Old Duke of York? The Grand Old Duke of York only had ten thousand men…

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Chav male, 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Chavster. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the chav leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing has happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says "Just what did he say to you?" "I'm not sure" the Chav replies. "Something about a job."

Wahts the difference between an onion and a dying chav? Onions make you cry.

What do chavs use a protection during sex? A bus shelter.

What do you call a 12 year old chav girl? Pregnant.

What do you do if you run a chav over? Slip it into reverse just to make sure.

What do you do if you shoot a chav? Reload.

What does a chavette do when she gets up in the morning? She goes home.

What's brown and black and looks great on a chav? A rottweiler.

What's yellow and looks great on a chav? A JCB.

What's the difference between a battery and a chav? A battery has a positive side.

What do you give a chav that’s buried up to his neck in sand? More sand.

How do you make a chav go woof? Douse it in petrol and light it.

How do you stop a chav from laughing? Hit him in the face with an axe.

How do you kill a chav? Wait until its having a drink then slam the toilet lid down.

What's the difference between a chav and the loch ness monster? Sadly, chavs are real.

Judge: What gear were you in at the moment of crashing your Nova? Chav defendant: Reeboks and a Burberry cap.

Chavette is doing the washing up when her 4 year old daughter comes up to her "Mummy, I wondered why your hands are so soft" " 'Kin ell storm" says the chavette. "It's 'cos I'm twelve innit"

What is the similarity between a middle aged chav woman's legs, and The Beatles? They haven't been together since the 70s.

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Trowbridge town park (a chav hot spot)? Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

What's the difference between a chav and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.

What's the difference between a phone battery and a chav just out of prison? The battery will last at least a couple of days before being charged again.

How do you make a chav run faster? Tuck a car stereo under his arm.

A man is on the train, going through a chav-town, when it starts bumping around and bouncing terribly. Eventually, after a few minutes, it becomes smoother again and a guard comes through the carriage. "Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologies but we just ran over a chav." Say the guard. "It must have been a bloody big one!" The man says, "The train bumped around for ages!"….. "Ahh, but we had to chase him over three streets first, sir!"

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded. The fourth one says, "I prefer chavs. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable.

How do you stop a chav spitting? Turn the grill down.

What goes plink plink fizz and will make you feel better? Dropping two chavs into an acid bath.

What do all chavs have in common with clouds? As soon as they F*ck off, it’s a beautiful day.

Why do chav cars have small steering wheels? So the can drive with the handcuffs on.




Yannick

A psychedelic experience.

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16th April 2004

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#2 13 years ago
AzHWhat do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.

:lol:

Nice find.




Flatline_Construct

Tri.Optimum Corporate.Network

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13th July 2005

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#3 13 years ago

[color=DarkGreen]Lots of good chav jokes there, now if we only knew a way to get rid of them in the first place! :)[/color]




DnC

GF's Cognitive Psychologist

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13th April 2004

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#4 13 years ago

Hench, your well safe AzH. Are, I love McDonalds, its munch mate.




00shawm

I don't spend enough time here

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14th July 2005

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#5 13 years ago

hahaha some very good ones here. Maybe some us could go round and shout them at them through a megaphone.




*Soviet.Power

Ex-MøđęRāŧǿr ø₣ Geňęrāł Gāmíňĝ

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31st January 2004

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#6 13 years ago

:lol: brilliant stuff, another nice find

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is color-coded. The fourth one says, "I prefer chavs. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable.

_ROFL.gif




Guest

I didn't make it!

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#7 13 years ago

I liked this one the best. Why did the chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.




Flatline_Construct

Tri.Optimum Corporate.Network

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#8 13 years ago
X-CI liked this one the best. Why did the chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

[color=DarkGreen]It's funny because it's true. Bastards[/color]




Pethegreat VIP Member

Lord of the Peach

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19th April 2004

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#9 13 years ago
What do chavs use a protection during sex? A bus shelter.

:lol: Nice jokes there AzH. I assume we have them somewhere in the US.




Flatline_Construct

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#10 13 years ago
Pethegreat™:lol: Nice jokes there AzH. I assume we have them somewhere in the US.

[color=DarkGreen]NOoooo, the plague is spreading! quick destroy all your burberry meterial now[/color]!