Damn Sonnets! 15 replies

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VFrieden

I don't know what I'm doing

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16th March 2008

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#1 10 years ago

I had to write one (Shakespearean) for AP English.

Spoiler: Show

I heard that a boy died this Saturday.

His hands were gone, as well as his heart's soul.

I know, for I have planned that boy's same play.

And while I hear them mourn, I count the toll.

I'm not what they expected from a son.

I am a disappointment, this I know.

While failing to succeed, I feel undone.

And when I drown tonight, I'll breathe and go.

I'll open my arms and embrace my Hell.

Oh, this white sky I see, a bleeding light,

Reached for me with a message like a bell.

I catch the mute tune; I am pulled upright.

When Saturday arrives, I ask Him, "Why?"

The answer is the same - "You'll heal their cry."

What do you think?


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Inyri Forge VIP Member

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15th March 2005

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#2 10 years ago

I think your school's going to call the counselor. =p




VFrieden

I don't know what I'm doing

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16th March 2008

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#3 10 years ago

Meh, it wouldn't be the first time :cort:


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Red Menace

SCHOFIELD DID 4/30

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10th August 2004

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#4 10 years ago

I think it is really well written. Although, a bit depressing.


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Inyri Forge VIP Member

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#5 10 years ago

The structure and rhyme scheme is right, although the iambic pentameter is shaky in a couple of spots. It'll probably pass inspection for the most part, though.




Yannick

A psychedelic experience.

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16th April 2004

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#6 10 years ago

What is it with high school poetry and depression/suicide?




Vasili

Lurking.

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2nd October 2006

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#7 10 years ago

Teenagers.




*The.Doctor

Trust me, I'm a Doctor

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25th November 2003

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#8 10 years ago

Its pretty good i think.




Junk angel

Huh, sound?

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29th January 2007

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#9 10 years ago
What is it with high school poetry and depression/suicide?

Boredom. The typical - damnit I have to write something and I have no idea what. Let's make something dark and brooding.:P

But yeah I like it. Can't really comment on the structure of it, since the only Shakespeare I've read was a translated one and that uses a different structure.




Serio VIP Member

The Dane

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11th November 2006

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#10 10 years ago
Yannick;4795461What is it with high school poetry and depression/suicide?

Because if you're lucky, you'll get sent to a mental institute and after a month there, you're free from both high school and any mentality problems?




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