Friendship and all that 2 replies

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Andron Taps Forum Mod

Faktrl is Best Pony

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10th September 2007

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#1 2 years ago

So when you get right down to it, I really don't have that many friends.  Now what I mean by that is people that live within 20 miles of myself.  Pretty much all the friends I grew up with I haven't spoken to mainly because they were church friends :p

But it got me thinking about the mechanics of friendship.  Because at school there's limitless opportunity to be friends with someone, and I've had times when I'll be friendly to a classmate and maybe we'll from some sort of relationship that mainly involves studying together, but ultimately it ends there.  It's such a strange thing, because a lot of people consider you a friend if you work with them or if you see them occasionally and talk to them.  However, I don't see it that way.  To me they're just another person I have to occupy the same space with because well...we both work there.  So I'm wondering, what are your thoughts on friendship?

"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.

Lindale Forum Mod

Mister Angry Rules Guy

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#2 2 years ago

One rule of thumb for men is that 90% of any given man's friends are from his job, usually co-workers.

Even then, there are two levels of knowing someone.

The first is work chemistry. You two may not have any personal chemistry, so you may not be friends outside work. But you make great job partners because you have good work chemistry, so you do still enjoy working together.

The second is personal chemistry. This is where you get to know someone well enough that you do enjoy going for a beer together after work. Personally, I think these relationships should ALWAYS start from the work chemistry. Otherwise, you may have a great video game friend, but he is useless if you want to actually get work done. Your friends need to always begin at the point of being good job partners, then evolve into being go out for beers partners.

That said, you should be going into a job with the mindset that you are to do a job. If, somewhere along the way, you do end up making a friend or two, goody. But for the first few months, they are are only to be treated as co-workers.


Nemmerle Forum Mod

Voice of joy and sunshine

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#3 2 years ago

I tend to think of friends as people whose company you seek because you enjoy it, outside of any transactional benefit to yourself. That's not to say there can't be a transactional benefit, but if you wouldn't know them without what they do for you? They're not your friend, for all that you might be friendly.

Similarly, you can't be friends with people you screw over. Whilst you can be friends with people at work, you both need to know what you're getting into and be okay with it. Otherwise you may end up in a position where you know something that the company is going to do that is against their interests, and you'll be in the position of either screwing them or screwing the company. Your range of good choices then is small. You both need to know where your first loyalty lies - and I would tend to be of the opinion that it lies with the person you've accepted money from to serve their interests. Otherwise you're being dishonest, which a friend shouldn't ask of you but someone who's merely being friendly may.