Horrible online writing disease 17 replies

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Oblivious

I tawt I taw a puddy tat...

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30th December 2002

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#1 11 years ago

Every so often I get frustrated reading (err, deciphering) forums, so it seemed time to post this up for our amusement and to put a stop to the madness. =p [COLOR=Blue]I take no credit for following, and unfortunately I haven't a source to credit, though I totally concur. This isn't directed at anyone here, though every forum is infested with it.[/COLOR] . .

Who hasn't seen some horrible online writing before? We all have. The writing skills of the average web user is, at best, sitting firmly on the level of "super atrocious". Obviously there is a vast array of the online population that is uneducated to a point that, frankly, I find difficult to even comprehend. Check almost any personal web pages, forums, weblogs, online diaries; and you'll find the English equivalent of crumpled victims in this literary trainwreck called the web. Many thanks to the retarded keyboard pounding apes who can't string together four words without their fingers slipping on the drool all over their keyboards.

So without further ado, I offer you a short list of the biggest online writing mistakes these simians make.

Multiple exclamation points Here's a news flash for you. Adding a few dozen exclamation points after a sentence does not, I repeat, not, give your sentence any more urgency. If anything, they remove the urgency because anyone with half a brain is going to immediately start ignoring you and anything you say. And don't use the same number of exclamation points but just spread them out over a few sentences. It's still a useless waste of my time to look at them and after one, the others mean nothing. Worse yet is when the sentence ends with a bunch of exclamation points and then a few "1"s thrown in for good measure. Man, you gotta love that. What this really means is that the person is a complete dumbass. They are one of those people who can't contain themselves and had to write an impassioned speech immediately while the iron was still hot. It was so hot in fact that they can't even hit the damn keys properly.

Using All Capitals In case you were wondering, using all capital letters for your prose also does not add urgency. All this really does is help potential readers to know which text to completely skip over without reading it. I don't know anyone who actually reads text written in all caps. Do you? Probably not. Why would you? All caps text is a major tip off that the information is useless and there is no reason to waste your time reading it. On second thought, maybe that's a good thing.

Spelling & Grammar As an extra annoyance bonus, any crappy writing will always contain dozens of grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors ... usually per sentence. Way to get your stupid point across, ace. Obviously these dopes can't spell worth a damn in the first place, and apparently they have never heard of a neat invention called "spell check" either. Morons.

Punctuation It's not that hard folks. Do not write without punctuation. Add some punctuation to your text; any punctuation. This will allow people to actually understand your useless message, and isn't that the whole point?

Apostrophes Do you know the difference between "Your" and "You're". Every time I see these used incorrectly (around 95% of the time), I want to reach through my monitor and strangle the moron on the other end. I can't even count the number of times I have seen "Your stupid!" written somewhere. Oh, my, god: the irony. Anyway, "your" means "belonging to you", "you're" is a contraction of the two words "you are" and implies such. So, "You're stupid!" or "Your brain is stupid!" would be two corrected versions of the above sentence, idiot. Next up are "Their", "They're" and "There". "Their" is a pronoun and denotes a person or group of people as in "It's their monkey." "They're" is a contraction of "they are" and implies such as in "They're eating their monkey." "There" denotes a place as in "They're tossing their dead monkey carcass over there." Got it? Good.

Abbreviations & Acronyms. Unless you are simultaneously conversing with several different people in multiple chatrooms via different computers, there is no need to use abbreviations or web acronyms. I'm talking about typing shortcuts like u, 2, r, plz, LOL, OMG, AFAIK, BTW, WTF,and so on. People use them so often for no reason that they lose all meaning. When was the last time you actually Laughed Out Loud when typing LOL. I mean; FFS!

And the worst web spawned English tragedy of all,

1337 5p34|< Otherwise known as leet speak, which itself is slang for "elite speak". Jesus. Even the name itself is an annoyance that must be deciphered. Listen up people, the government is not out to get you. No CIA agents care about you or your lame blog enough to read it. There is no reason to use this indecipherable gobbledygook.

In short, if you can't write something that anyone will find worth reading, don't ever write anything. Better yet, go back to school and learn how to do it correctly just in case.




Badha1rday

Nature's best screw up.

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26th July 2005

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#2 11 years ago

Do you Know how many times i have seen that before? Stop butchering the English language! I halp ned meh... Wtf does that mean?!




Junk angel

Huh, sound?

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28th January 2007

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#3 11 years ago
Multiple exclamation points Spelling & Grammar

Found guilty. Those two are my internet sins. :)

But most english forums are relatively fine, due to a relative grammatical simplicity of the english language.

To truly witness linguistic rape, you have to head to some czech forum. Oh the voes, the cruelty shown to the poor language. Dictionaries cry and weep. :)

Other than that, great find :)




xXLoBXx

xF* Clanmember

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23rd May 2007

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#4 11 years ago

Its all msn's fault... Before I had msn I was like any other normal person... But now its just to tempting... I have the "..." sindrome... as you can see I find it hard not to put "..." after pretty much every sentence.




Tango Protocol

Master of my own domain

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18th July 2003

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#5 11 years ago

Oblivious;3767740 Abbreviations & Acronyms. I'm talking about typing shortcuts like u, 2, r, plz, LOL, OMG, AFAIK, BTW, WTF [/quote]

[quote=badhairday;3767772]Do you Know how many times i have seen that before? Stop butchering the English language! I halp ned meh... Wtf does that mean?!

I thought that was funny and I had to point it out. ;)




-Section- VIP Member

Wut?

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12th July 2006

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#6 11 years ago

Spelling...Is my weakness. At least I attempt to keep mine in order =P Its the thought that counts, yes?




Tango Protocol

Master of my own domain

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#7 11 years ago
-Section-;3768812Spelling...Is my weakness. At least I attempt to keep mine in order =P Its the thought that counts, yes?

See there's a difference between trying and not trying. If you said "weekness" I think I'd want to strangle you :P

PS -Section- GET ON IRC!!!!!!!




Jeff Über Admin

I am a mean boss ⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️🅱🅰

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6th April 2000

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#8 11 years ago

Oblivious;3767740Every so often I get frustrated reading (err, deciphering) forums, so it seemed time to post this up for our amusement and to put a stop to the madness. =p [COLOR=Blue]I take no credit for following, and unfortunately I haven't a source to credit, though I totally concur. This isn't directed at anyone here, though every forum is infested with it.[/COLOR] . .

Who hasn't seen some horrible online writing before? We all have. The writing skills of the average web user is, at best, sitting firmly on the level of "super atrocious". Obviously there is a vast array of the online population that is uneducated to a point that, frankly, I find difficult to even comprehend. Check almost any personal web pages, forums, weblogs, online diaries; and you'll find the English equivalent of crumpled victims in this literary trainwreck called the web. Many thanks to the retarded keyboard pounding apes who can't string together four words without their fingers slipping on the drool all over their keyboards.

So without further ado, I offer you a short list of the biggest online writing mistakes these simians make.

Multiple exclamation points Here's a news flash for you. Adding a few dozen exclamation points after a sentence does not, I repeat, not, give your sentence any more urgency. If anything, they remove the urgency because anyone with half a brain is going to immediately start ignoring you and anything you say. And don't use the same number of exclamation points but just spread them out over a few sentences. It's still a useless waste of my time to look at them and after one, the others mean nothing. Worse yet is when the sentence ends with a bunch of exclamation points and then a few "1"s thrown in for good measure. Man, you gotta love that. What this really means is that the person is a complete dumbass. They are one of those people who can't contain themselves and had to write an impassioned speech immediately while the iron was still hot. It was so hot in fact that they can't even hit the damn keys properly.

Using All Capitals In case you were wondering, using all capital letters for your prose also does not add urgency. All this really does is help potential readers to know which text to completely skip over without reading it. I don't know anyone who actually reads text written in all caps. Do you? Probably not. Why would you? All caps text is a major tip off that the information is useless and there is no reason to waste your time reading it. On second thought, maybe that's a good thing.

Spelling & Grammar As an extra annoyance bonus, any crappy writing will always contain dozens of grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors ... usually per sentence. Way to get your stupid point across, ace. Obviously these dopes can't spell worth a damn in the first place, and apparently they have never heard of a neat invention called "spell check" either. Morons.

Punctuation It's not that hard folks. Do not write without punctuation. Add some punctuation to your text; any punctuation. This will allow people to actually understand your useless message, and isn't that the whole point?

Apostrophes Do you know the difference between "Your" and "You're". Every time I see these used incorrectly (around 95% of the time), I want to reach through my monitor and strangle the moron on the other end. I can't even count the number of times I have seen "Your stupid!" written somewhere. Oh, my, god: the irony. Anyway, "your" means "belonging to you", "you're" is a contraction of the two words "you are" and implies such. So, "You're stupid!" or "Your brain is stupid!" would be two corrected versions of the above sentence, idiot. Next up are "Their", "They're" and "There". "Their" is a pronoun and denotes a person or group of people as in "It's their monkey." "They're" is a contraction of "they are" and implies such as in "They're eating their monkey." "There" denotes a place as in "They're tossing their dead monkey carcass over there." Got it? Good.

Abbreviations & Acronyms. Unless you are simultaneously conversing with several different people in multiple chatrooms via different computers, there is no need to use abbreviations or web acronyms. I'm talking about typing shortcuts like u, 2, r, plz, LOL, OMG, AFAIK, BTW, WTF,and so on. People use them so often for no reason that they lose all meaning. When was the last time you actually Laughed Out Loud when typing LOL. I mean; FFS!

And the worst web spawned English tragedy of all,

1337 5p34|< Otherwise known as leet speak, which itself is slang for "elite speak". Jesus. Even the name itself is an annoyance that must be deciphered. Listen up people, the government is not out to get you. No CIA agents care about you or your lame blog enough to read it. There is no reason to use this indecipherable gobbledygook.

In short, if you can't write something that anyone will find worth reading, don't ever write anything. Better yet, go back to school and learn how to do it correctly just in case.

I have one exception to this rule. If you abbreviate multiple words I have no issue with that. WTF, LOL or AFK are just easier things to type.

It's when the little kiddies and people who think aol chat is 'kool' that they physically go out of their way to mistype words, I just want to strangle them until their head pops like a pimple.

These kids type '1337' speak because some of them know that the reason it was invented is so hackers (real hackers, not those DDOS'ing script kiddie morons that use tools made by the real hackers and take credit) could communicate without the authorities knowing what they were discussing. They want people to think they're real hackers. It was useful.. 10 years ago, when no one outside of that community knew what it meant. But now, it's intermixed with kids who just refuse to type with some sense of grammar and even get mad if you try to correct them because "they're not in school, why should they try?" No real hacker uses that code anymore.

I've heard them all, especially after I laugh at them trying to ask me for help. I'm sorry, I consider it a personal insult if you try and ask for help and intentionally write your plea in such dribble that you're making me take the time and try and figure out what you just said. Sorry, I could care less. You don't show me the respect enough to at least make an honest effort at asking for help, I won't show any effort in helping you. In fact, I'll laugh at you and post about you on my blog. (I don't have a blog, but if I did, it would be filled with people asking like that)


Product Manager | GameFront.com




ConstanceJill

Huh yeah, whatever ^^

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6th December 2006

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#9 11 years ago
n0e;3768853I have one exception to this rule. If you abbreviate multiple words I have no issue with that. WTF, LOL or AFK are just easier things to type.

Agreed jap.gif




War Hawk

&#1758; www.thisisnotporn.com &#1758;

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27th January 2004

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#10 11 years ago
Apostrophes Do you know the difference between "Your" and "You're".

He didn't follow his own previous rule about punctuation. That sentence should have ended in a question mark =p




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