Voice of joy and sunshine
26th May 2003
God I love email. I mentioned AzH's toilet thread to one of my friends and they sent a few back. I happened to like this one best.
How To Shower Like A Woman:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat. 4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins 6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. 9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off). 11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. 12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel, 16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found. 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How To Shower Like A Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo" sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your dick in the mirror, scratch your balls and smell your fingers for one last whiff. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one) 6. Wash your face 7. Wash your armpits 8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. 9. Wash your privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar. 11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner) 12. Make a shampoo Mohawk. 13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. 14. Pee in the shower. 15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hang out of the tub the whole time. 16. Partial dry off. 17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire dick size. 18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. 19. Leave bathroom and fan light on. 20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your dick, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her. 21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed
Ged 17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire dick size.
Too bad some people can't do that :( *cough* everyone except me *cough*
I like the man one, it's in complete contrast to the womans :lol:
No! I'm Spamacus!
17th June 2003
Back when I made joke signatures I was contemplating whether or not to make that into one. :p
:lol: Best thing I've read on this forum in a long while, thanks Ged and Ged's friends.
:rofl: oh man, that was hilarious. I think I will read it again just because its so funny!
I would die without GF
29th November 2003
At the end of each shower, one is too clean the other is a filthy mess. :p
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror . Admire the size of your dick in the mirror
So true *sheds a tear*
how to shower like a tomboy!!
1.take off clothes throw them into pile in the middle of the floor 2.turn on shower 3.get in shower 4.wash hair with some cheap shampoo 5.wash urself with some kinda liquid soap 6.wash face 7.step out after turning off shower 8.dry off tho not completely 9.put on clothes 10.leave clothes and stuff on floor for later picking up 11.leave bathroom
o yeah you guys know you love my shower schedule :P