Human relationships - singleness? 43 replies

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Penguin_Unit

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8th May 2007

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#1 8 years ago

This didn't feel like it belonged in the Pub. Not serious or philosophical enough. ------- First of all, I'm going to preface this with some of my own experience. I think it's safe to assume most of this forum's surface (i.e. not basement-dwelling) population has probably had a boyfriend or girlfriend at some point in time - I, for one, have not. About as close as I've gotten to kissing a girl anywhere other than on the cheek was being ninja'd on the lips by my friend's hot, lonely sister in a more or less playful and laid-back moment, and I barely even knew it had happened before it was over (thus, I don't really consider myself ever having kissed a girl - someone else did it to me). Now, what I'm wondering is simple: how do you all put up with being lonely, either between relationships or simply by being single rather indefinitely? I have a long-standing and deep interest in girl who I believe has similar feelings for me, albeit a bit suppressed because of her mother's reluctance to let her go out with anyone. Until then, it's going to be a lonely ride, and I have nobody else to take interest in (there are others, yes, but I have numerous reasons for not wanting to try them). What am I supposed to do until then? Being alone, despite having the means to be un-single at any time, is driving me insane. Masturbation to curb my overflowing hormones doesn't help and only leaves me feeling lower afterwards. I can't take anyone else. What do I do? Is there some way I can keep myself mentally stable while I wait seemingly indefinitely for someone that may not come? I can't be any worse off sticking with one person or none in the end - there's not many else that I know of that are worth taking. Patience isn't my greatest strength, though, and this is wearing on me. Alternatively, I could just jump off a nearby cliff and fix the problem that way, but that wouldn't be fun or a great idea.




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#2 8 years ago
Penguin_Unit;5427017This didn't feel like it belonged in the Pub. Not serious or philosophical enough. ------- First of all, I'm going to preface this with some of my own experience. I think it's safe to assume most of this forum's surface (i.e. not basement-dwelling) population has probably had a boyfriend or girlfriend at some point in time - I, for one, have not. About as close as I've gotten to kissing a girl anywhere other than on the cheek was being ninja'd on the lips by my friend's hot, lonely sister in a more or less playful and laid-back moment, and I barely even knew it had happened before it was over (thus, I don't really consider myself ever having kissed a girl - someone else did it to me). Now, what I'm wondering is simple: how do you all put up with being lonely, either between relationships or simply by being single rather indefinitely? I have a long-standing and deep interest in girl who I believe has similar feelings for me, albeit a bit suppressed because of her mother's reluctance to let her go out with anyone. Until then, it's going to be a lonely ride, and I have nobody else to take interest in (there are others, yes, but I have numerous reasons for not wanting to try them). What am I supposed to do until then? Being alone, despite having the means to be un-single at any time, is driving me insane. Masturbation to curb my overflowing hormones doesn't help and only leaves me feeling lower afterwards. I can't take anyone else. What do I do? Is there some way I can keep myself mentally stable while I wait seemingly indefinitely for someone that may not come? I can't be any worse off sticking with one person or none in the end - there's not many else that I know of that are worth taking. Patience isn't my greatest strength, though, and this is wearing on me. Alternatively, I could just jump off a nearby cliff and fix the problem that way, but that wouldn't be fun or a great idea.

I find drinking helps.

But no, seriously, in your situation, do not waste time at all trust me. If you really like her, tell or show her in the best way you know how. But believe me when I say you DO NOT want to waste time just thinking about it, it just makes you feel worse.

Get a good hobby, job, or work out a lot, it'll go a long way. And, of course, good luck :)

EDIT: Also, MAKE SURE she really does like you back, it's really common for guys to mistake signs of politeness for flirting.

This is a good little checklist for signs that she likes you:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_a_girl_likes_you

And again, good luck :)


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Pb2Au

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4th October 2004

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#3 8 years ago

I've been single for most of my college life, because I know exactly which characteristics a girl needs to be attractive to me, and it's better to be single until someone I want to be with comes along than to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I made the mistake of ignoring that and the relationship lasted all of 21 days.

It's lonely during some very rare points, but honestly not too often. I have an insane schedule to begin with, so I don't have time to pine or mope. My advice to you: spend your time developing skills you want to learn. Cooking, foreign languages, dancing, rock-climbing, weight-lifting, anything you're interested in. Throw your time into that. You'll meet new people, potential friends and girlfriends, and you'll be having a fun time and increasing your value as a human being.

Also, try to develop meaningful non-sexual relationships. Half of the fun of a girlfriend is romping around in bed, but the other half is having a human being you can confide in, talk to, and invite over whenever you feel like having human contact. If you have strong, platonic friendships with people you can confide in and run around with, then you won't yearn for that aspect of a relationship, and being single will be that much easier to enjoy.




Nemmerle Forum Mod

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#4 8 years ago

What, waiting for this girl's all you do in your life? Learn a language, practice a sport, take up an instrument. For god's sake stay away from writing poetry though =p

Edit: Pb2Au probably said it better. See his post.




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#5 8 years ago
Pb2Au;5427097It's lonely during some very rare points, but honestly not too often. I have an insane schedule to begin with, so I don't have time to pine or mope. My advice to you: spend your time developing skills you want to learn. Cooking, foreign languages, dancing, rock-climbing, weight-lifting, anything you're interested in. Throw your time into that. You'll meet new people, potential friends and girlfriends, and you'll be having a fun time and increasing your value as a human being.

^Absolutely this.

Also, it is definitely better to actually stay single til you find that special someone who is 'the girl of your dreams' so to speak. Relationships for the sake of experience or whatnot is frankly just ridiculous and most likely you will both end up hurt.

So, I guess adding to my previous post, also make sure you get to know her well first, don't wait to be in a relationship and then get to know her, that can be a very bad mistake.


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Destroyer25

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#6 8 years ago

For starters, if there's a girl you like and you think she likes you back. Go ask her, out, and be confident. Girls won't wait around for ever unless they really really like you. So just go ask her out, act cool, and if you want some help regarding specifically how, you and me can do some tactical planning.

Now regarding your question about loneliness. Some people aren't affected simply by their busy schedule or their realization that all the girls they know are complete skanks. But if that doesn't apply to you, then there are things you can do. As others have said, get a hobby, something that you really like doing that will keep you busy. If you are actively engaged in something on a regular basis that you enjoy doing then you won't be jacking off thinking about girls you wanna bang. :lulz:

Albeit I'm in a very happy relationship, but my thing is history. So when I'm not doing school work I'm playing historical RTS', wargaming, reading up on it, and teaching others. It keeps me busy, so busy my girlfriend gets mad some time. :D

So you need to find something that you like that will keep you busy. This can either be a short term solution or a long term one. You don't even need to worry about this if you just ask this girl out, but if not then just find something to fill the gap. You'll find that special someone soon enough.




Penguin_Unit

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#7 8 years ago
computernerd;5427071I find drinking helps. But no, seriously, in your situation, do not waste time at all trust me. If you really like her, tell or show her in the best way you know how. But believe me when I say you DO NOT want to waste time just thinking about it, it just makes you feel worse.

The ball is in her court, so to speak (I know you had dirty thoughts when you read that). I've gone out of my way and beyond anything reasonably expected of me to know I do care, I do like her, and what not. I'm not just waiting for a stork to come by and drop me a present. Trust me, she knows. I might've had her already except that her mother has her somewhat sheltered (which isn't unreasonable, in my opinion). I'm willing to wait if that's what it takes.

Get a good hobby, job, or work out a lot, it'll go a long way. And, of course, good luck :)

Well, I do airsoft, if that counts. Don't know how I'd ever explain that without scaring her off, though...:uhoh:

EDIT: Also, MAKE SURE she really does like you back, it's really common for guys to mistake signs of politeness for flirting.

She does. I have no doubt in my mind.

This is a good little checklist for signs that she likes you: Answers.com - How do you know if a girl likes you

Yeah, I've looked up and read a lot of those. Even some first-hand opinions from girls have only further cemented my conclusion. If I had to guess, the poor thing is lovesick. All I/we have to do is wait...

And again, good luck :)

Thanks.




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#8 8 years ago
Penguin_Unit;5427177The ball is in her court, so to speak (I know you had dirty thoughts when you read that).

Not at all, I may be a psychopath, but I'm not a pervert ;)

I've gone out of my way and beyond anything reasonably expected of me to know I do care, I do like her, and what not.

For instance?

I'm not just waiting for a stork to come by and drop me a present. Trust me, she knows. I might've had her already except that her mother has her somewhat sheltered (which isn't unreasonable, in my opinion). I'm willing to wait if that's what it takes.

Find something that you both can do together that isn't like dating, example: going to the library and studying together, playing a sport together, or just plain hang out and talk about random stuff. You get the satisfaction of being together and you probably won't have her mother breathing down your neck (unless she's one of those dangerously over-bearing types).

She does. I have no doubt in my mind.

Yeah, I've looked up and read a lot of those. Even some first-hand opinions from girls have only further cemented my conclusion.

Excellent, then definitely ask her to hang out with you :)

Thanks.

You're welcome :)

And gewd fortune to you ;)


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Granyaski VIP Member

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#9 8 years ago

Right-Here comes the first right wing, slightly dickish cocky post of the lot (I may as well warm this thread up for Nite :p) This is all my opinion and from own experiences/"beliefs".

First things first- you like this girl, you say she likes you. obvious answer GO FOR IT. it's so cliched but you don't want to think back at it. If her Mum is protective either talk to her or SCREW HER! If you've known her for ages and are good friends I'm sure her mum would prefer you to be with her rather than some other dude.

Heres the slightly dickish part- Don't dwell too much on one girl-yes I know you may love her to bits but if you honestly don't think it's going to happen-it won't happen. if your young(don't know your age sorry) it's not going to be a high chance that you will be together, obviously I'm stereotyping but that generally happens.

If it's not going to happen find someone else. Getting over someone is hard(I know as will many other people) but it is do-able. Don't listen to people saying "go to a party". Find someone your own way! But-NEVER SET YOUR STANDARDS TOO HIGH. I know thats harsh but the worst thing you could do is fall in love with someone who is better looking and more liekly to leave you, judging by how you've never kissed a girl, you first GF/girl/whatever will most likely cause you emotions to completely explode causing you to get very attached VERY fast. BE critical about yourself. Be realistic, don't think what if's etc. Think as if you were watching someone's elses life then make the decision. No point wasting time, emotion and tears for nothing.

PS-Someones onw experience will be COMPLETELY different from yours no matter how similar they sound. So don't try and copy people too much when trying to get a girl. You have to do it your own way.

I'm a nice guy(I think.....)




Flash525

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#10 8 years ago

Well, I guess it was only a matter of time before someone came out with this question, though I do ponder, what exactly are you after an answer for?

- Your Situation with this Girl - How to take your mind off the fact that you are Single?

Penguin_Unit;5427017I think it's safe to assume most of this forum's surface (i.e. not basement-dwelling) population has probably had a boyfriend or girlfriend at some point in time - I, for one, have not.[/quote]Judging from the thread (here: http://forums.filefront.com/general-discussion/430723-when-did-you-have-your-first-real-gf-bf.html) it seems like a fair portion of 'us' are in the same boat as you. :)

Penguin_Unit;5427017Now, what I'm wondering is simple: how do you all put up with being lonely, either between relationships or simply by being single rather indefinitely? I have a long-standing and deep interest in girl who I believe has similar feelings for me, albeit a bit suppressed because of her mother's reluctance to let her go out with anyone. Until then, it's going to be a lonely ride, and I have nobody else to take interest in (there are others, yes, but I have numerous reasons for not wanting to try them). What am I supposed to do until then? Being alone, despite having the means to be un-single at any time, is driving me insane. Masturbation to curb my overflowing hormones doesn't help and only leaves me feeling lower afterwards. I can't take anyone else. What do I do? Is there some way I can keep myself mentally stable while I wait seemingly indefinitely for someone that may not come? I can't be any worse off sticking with one person or none in the end - there's not many else that I know of that are worth taking. Patience isn't my greatest strength, though, and this is wearing on me.

I'd say I sympathise with your condition, because I do. I know first hand how you feel, though I try not to let it get to me.

My time at Junior School (4/5 through to 9/10/11) I had many friends of different genders. Typically though, at that age, it's irrelevant. Going into Senior School (11/12 - 15/16) my friends consisted of guys. The few girls I was interested in when at school either didn't show interest back, or I hadn't made any attempt to find out; suffice to say, I didn't know about those that didn't know that I liked them.

Moving on through College, again, there were maybe one or two girls I liked there, in addition to a small number when at my first part-time workplace. Only one of them became aware of this though, and a brief friendship came around, though it didn't get past talking on MSN and when we saw each other (brief) during College.

Since College, I've all but given up to be truthful. I could say that I didn't try hard enough throughout school and college, but looking back on it, I wasn't really that bothered about relationships when back in school, and when at college, was studying computing; not really your typical 'female subject'. I've had a few female friends over the years, one or two now, though I don't see them as more than friends.

The way to 'get through it' is to keep busy. The worst thing to happen is when you're reminded of those relationships that are happening. It's typically when I go out clubbing, you tend to see a fair few couples together, or generally people making out ect, often pondering along the lines of "what are they doing right that I am not". This usually hits me the next day after I've woken up, if at all. The trick here I find, is to make sure you get more involved with those you are out with, so you don't notice so much.

I'm not much of a clubber, I don't hit the dance floor either, I tend to stand back and observe; hence how I notice these things. I avoid clubs now as best I can, typically saving them for birthdays and such; not that I tend to go out much more 'on the town' anyway. Those friends I tend to see either don't have the money to do so, are in relationships / have kids, or just 'don't fancy it'. Works wonders for me.

The key though, is to keep busy, and avoid things that may 'remind' you of your status. Romantic Comedies, Dating Websites (they sound great, but if you don't get any luck on there, you're really going to feel shit about yourself), Conversations of the 'erotic' kind; I work in a Factory (shit job), and a fair number of the guys in there are always talking about Sex. Hard to avoid, but I get by.

Tried giving masturbation a miss too? Just a thought, but if you masturbate, you're essentially giving yourself a brief reminder that you're still single, and haven't got the girlfriend / wife pulling and tugging instead. :uhm:

In my area, a fair number of the girls you casually see out and about appear to be skanks. Something I'm not the least bit interested in. I'd prefer a nice strong relationship instead of a one night stand, or a 'fuck buddy' as they're commonly known. Luckily, most of my close mates are the same in that regard, some because of choice, and some because (alike us) they don't seem to get any attention.

I think everyone else has covered the rest anyway. Don't beat yourself up about it though. :) [QUOTE=Penguin_Unit;5427017]Alternatively, I could just jump off a nearby cliff and fix the problem that way, but that wouldn't be fun or a great idea.

Bad idea this. Were you to kill yourself, you may miss out on an opportunity that was an additional five minutes away. :)