I ain't too sure... 31 replies

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I didn't make it!

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#1 10 years ago

Usually when I post threads like this, I get an onslaught of replies from all the members slating me and calling me for an idiot because, quite simply, I came here for advice. I've gone past the point of caring about what people think of me, however, so I'm just gonna go ahead and post anyway.

About eight or nine months ago, I started speaking to this lass of Myspace. I won't use her real name for the sake of privacy, so for now we'll call her Alpha. We started out speaking, like, once a week if that but then things became more 'heavy' and we started speaking more and more and we began to get pretty damn close. Then things hit a slight hitch. She found some stuff about me which, quite frankly, put her off me. It concerned myself, her friend and I - and something which was, ironically, posted on here. Anyway, there was a total lack of trust after that and things between us died a little. I didn't give up, though, and eventually I got her back into my good books much to my delight. We got closer than ever and things got somewhat steamy between us. Things progress, and then - we meet up. It goes well, in my eyes, and everything I liked about her over the net I loved in real life. She was gorgeous - everything I expected, and more. We watched a film, had a quick snack, and just talked and got to know each other. This was about four weeks ago.

Coming to the present day - well, last week - and things have taken a U-turn. Again, things between us have gotten somewhat sticky and we're pretty much at a dead-end. I don't want it to be, though. Basically, she discovered something else about me which has put our whole relationship on the line. She doesn't think I want her, and if she does then she probably thinks I'm after her for a quick shag - far from the truth, I assure you. I need to show her how much she means to me, and how badly I want her for more than sex. Asking a forum might seems stupid to you, but to me it's no different to asking someone in real-life. So, yeah, can anyone advise me on how I can convince her I love her?

Spoiler: Show
Love, to you, might be a strong word. Just remember you're not in my position, and although me and this girl have only met once, everything between us just feels right. Wanna rip me for being so stupid? Then do it, I don't care. I just wanna be happy, for once, and this girl makes me happy.



Liquid fire

I pretend I'm cooler than AzH

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#2 10 years ago

Just tell her in a wierd, fun way that you want her for more than sex, that you love her. Start trying to build trust with her. Ask her if she is having any problems , and that she can share those problems with you.

Explain to her that your other loves died out quickly because they were straight to the point and only for sex, and that is why they died out but tell her that you realize what the 2 of you have now is more than that ,and that you would never want it to die out quickly. Express how you did not care about those other women, but if you had sex with her it would mean so so much more.

Tell her you love her and that you would never want anything bad to happen to her or to disgrace her , disrespect her , tell her never. Make her know that she is something different, special in your life, and if she feels the same way about you she will follow your lead. Tell her that you have no shame that she knows about you what she does know, tell her that you want her to know everything about you and you want to know everything about her and that the 2 of you can share and improve on anything in life, tell her you are trying to improve now, finding someone to be serious in life with, some one worth the change. Tell her that she is changing you for the better, women love a man they can change. Tell her that you are not an perfect person but that you want to give you and her a try and with all your heart, that way you face and show the truth to both of you. MAkes you more relyable and socialable, comfrontable for everyone. Tell her that you are growing older now and are looking for a mature but fun , loving relationship and how you feel about her , let on the feelings. Most women do not mind a guy who can show feelings.




JustPlainLucas

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#3 10 years ago

So your mad cause you get called on for making threads?




Ryette

suburban baroness of bud

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#4 10 years ago

Hi there, girl here. I'd like to refute some common misconceptions about women.

briankory;4042982Ask her if she is having any problems , and that she can share those problems with you.

Building a relationship on problems is not the way to go. Maybe with Emonomix, but the standard woman doesn't want to hear bitching all day, and if a man says he does, he's just opened Pandora's box.

Explain to her that your other loves died out quickly because they were straight to the point and only for sex, and that is why they died out but tell her that you realize what the 2 of you have now is more than that ,and that you would never want it to die out quickly. Express how you did not care about those other women, but if you had sex with her it would mean so so much more.

My initial reaction would be "yeah, I'm sure you said that to the last one, too." Don't talk about past relationships at all. Ever.

Tell her you love her and that you would never want anything bad to happen to her or to disgrace her , disrespect her , tell her never.

Cheesy. Relationships shouldn't be so dramatic. If you make them simple, problems will be simple, fixes will be simple.

tell her that you want her to know everything about you and you want to know everything about her

Insta-dumped. That's just creepy.

women love a man they can change.

No. Women love a man they can rely on. Stability.

feelings. Most women do not mind a guy who can show feelings.

There's a huge difference between a show of feelings and a bombardment of them. Trust me, when a guy whines more than a girl, it isn't a turn on.




MrFancypants Forum Admin

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#5 10 years ago

You keep talking about her finding out things about you that somehow damage your relationship. Maybe it would be a good idea to tell her about all those "things" in advance so that she can think about it with your explanation in mind instead of someone else's forum-posts? Doesn't seem nice to expect her to trust you without trusting her with some information about yourself in the first place.




Liquid fire

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#6 10 years ago

Ryette;4043018Hi there, girl here. I'd like to refute some common misconceptions about women.

Building a relationship on problems is not the way to go. Maybe with Emonomix, but the standard woman doesn't want to hear bitching all day, and if a man says he does, he's just opened Pandora's box. Everyone has problems, he is a grown man, if he is chosing to be serious with someone they should be able to share problems. They are obvious problems already, if they cant work past them now then its a sign the relationship should not be...we are not talking grade school here . ;)

My initial reaction would be "yeah, I'm sure you said that to the last one, too." Don't talk about past relationships at all. Ever. Why is it a turn off for you, if it is a problem or something that bothers her then it must be comfronted ...it isnt going away , but it can be changed.

Cheesy. Relationships shouldn't be so dramatic. If you make them simple, problems will be simple, fixes will be simple. Life is not simple, life is serious, serious relationships are serious. Insta-dumped. That's just creepy.

It may have been a bit much but it is NOTHING MUCH if he wants a serious relationship .

No. Women love a man they can rely on. Stability. Yes, but they also like a man that they can change, Ive heard this from the best.

There's a huge difference between a show of feelings and a bombardment of them. Trust me, when a guy whines more than a girl, it isn't a turn on.

Who said whining, I said talking, there obviously are problems here. I never said to whine, Im just suggesting he be sensitive to the issues at hand because hurt feelings need some sort of tender care always or you grow up cold or freaked in the head somehow. Relationships are the same, he would be building more walls and scars on the relationship , distanting himself. This is a serious relationship, not grade school type stuff, by the sound of it, even if so its not what he wants it to be.For a mature relationship being inconsiderate of her , and her ability to share experiences and feelings with him would not be very mature, or friendly.Nor would ignoring her feelings now be very mature , now would it ? At any rate she does not trust him, logically if he wants to make this work SERIOUSLY he needs her trust. Therefor I stand behind my advice for further reasoning.




Nemmerle Forum Mod

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#7 10 years ago

Leave it alone. Trust isn’t something you can build in a moment. If someone needs to tell you that you can trust them what measure of credibility are you going to give to that? Generally things swing back onto an even keel just by going about the day to day running of a relationship. If that's not working for you I don't know that there's a magic bullet you can use to fix it that would retain a shred of credibility. Even if you start doing special things for her, that’s probably just going to look like an attempt to get into her pants. At least if she connects it to the idea of you wanting her for a quick shag.




Liquid fire

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#8 10 years ago
Nemmerle;4043376Leave it alone. Trust isn’t something you can build in a moment. If someone needs to tell you that you can trust them what measure of credibility are you going to give to that? Generally things swing back onto an even keel just by going about the day to day running of a relationship. If that's not working for you I don't know that there's a magic bullet you can use to fix it that would retain a shred of credibility. Even if you start doing special things for her, that’s probably just going to look like an attempt to get into her pants. At least if she connects it to the idea of you wanting her for a quick shag.

Words always have meaning, when sincere you can tell ,when acted upon ,words,they can be trusted, Waiting around never got anyone anywhere but alone .




Liquid fire

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#9 10 years ago

^^^^^ It is good advice to keep things moving as a normal relationship I do not recommend taking the cold, silent type of approach. I recommend realism, and also fun. If you want a serious relationship then be real enough about it for one, but have a medium, when taking advice, take what sounds like you the most. What you most relate to , because it will be the most natural for you, and sucesssful, content advice, as you will be content with your self for following it. Therefor , without assuming you consider this, do not take all my advice so seriously , just take the best parts of it, customize it and mediate it into something that works best for you. Same for all this advice of course. All good advice here.

I do suggest , if wanting a serious relationship , that you do share things with her but also you must have fun and continue on normally as nemmerie has said. The question is what is normal now? What was it then ?

Some sort of relationship has been bruised, do you know what sort. Was a serious sort of relationship ? hahaahahah AHAHAHAHA what was normal ? hhohohoho hohoh hohoh hohohooo hooo hoh

Monkeys on a tree singing singing....

weeeeeeeee

hahahaha

Sorry I had to get that out ^^^^^

Compromise to balance your priorities and goals in life.




Nemmerle Forum Mod

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#10 10 years ago
briankory;4043397Words always have meaning, when sincere you can tell ,when acted upon ,words,they can be trusted, Waiting around never got anyone anywhere but alone .

The meaning a word has depends upon your social interactions as much as it does the language you are speaking. Words are auditory symbols, they stand for greater concepts. When I talk of a computer I'm not giving you a computer I'm just presenting a common symbol. We know their meaning because we learn it and then relate it to our social situation. The problem with this is that it means the deeper meaning of words changes dependant upon your social interactions with those around you. Like Gandalf says: 'What a lot of things you do use Good morning for!' The value and meaning of a word is socially defined, it works on a system of rules and trust. When you say 'I love you' do you mean that you love them, or that you want to fuck them, or that you want to pretend that you love them, or that you love their body, or their mind, or do you mean that you don't love them at all and are infact being sarcastic?

How someone looks at this is dependant upon the degree of trust they can put in your social role playing to follow the patterns of accepted behaviour within their specific cultural group. People find it very difficult to trust those that step outside of those patterns, those unlike them, because those people are difficult to predict. Trust is not as some would say an unconditional thing; it is an estimation of someone's behaviour based upon your perceptions of their capabilities and social background. This is one of the reasons that modern society has evolved the way it has in Western countries, we cannot know everyone we meet and so we minimise the majority of our social interaction to a very shallow rule based behaviour. But I digress.

You say you could back your words up with acts. That falls into the same potential pitfall. Because especially with abstract concepts like love you're using the action as a symbol of that thing and as we've just covered symbolism is a container for subjective meanings that change dependant upon social interactions. If I give you a hundred pound note you'll put a value in that act, if I give it to a tribe in the rainforest they'll probably wonder why I'm giving them a bit of worthless paper and put comparatively little value in the act. The same values can of course work in reverse; there have been stories of more backwards tribes worshipping Coca-Cola cans that have been left behind.

Once trust has been lost, once a person has stepped outside of the accepted patterns of behaviour, it's impossible to tell the meaning behind a person's actions. When they give you a hundred pounds is it because it's a present or because they think you're a moderately expensive fuck who they can buy? As I said there isn't a magic bullet to fix things. If you don't conform to an accepted behavioural pattern for that situation that makes you reasonably predictable then the symbolism of your other actions cannot be trusted. Now what I'm suggesting isn't doing nothing; it's conforming to already established and predictable patterns of behaviour, preferably ones that display the same value system. I might be wrong, all social situations have a lot of variables, but when I’ve managed to piss a girl off restoring the relationship to an even keel was basically conforming to predictable patterns of behaviour in order to restore trust.