I feel as though im disconnected from my family 14 replies

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crisissuit3

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17th August 2007

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#1 10 years ago

well, what really sparked me on thinking about this thread was when my dad came home from a 3 week vacation with his family. and when he came home, it was just. *hugs* "welcome back" and then we act like he never left. then i started to look back on what my relations with my family was like. my conclusion, small talk. thats basically all i could remember was things like, "im home" "hi" "i love you" and stuff like that. also, one of my aunt is about to leave soon and I never talked with her, and whats makes me feel bad is that she's about to leave soon and i havn't done anything with her. or my grandparents, all i can remember doing when my grandfather was still alive was play around while he was on his death bed and as i look back, i tell myself im the most cold hearted bastard that could possibly ever live. i mean, on his death bed, and im just running around with my brother or playing games right in front of him. although, i also understood why i never connected with him, its because we spoke different languages but i still felt like i could have done more. same thing with my grandmother. she still has a long time ago, but we move in a year and, i never knew her well either, and again, she speak the language on my mothers side. so, in a year, we may never see each other again. on my fathers side, my grandmother died when i was too young to remember, so i guess it makes sense, but i did the same thing with my dads father as well, just play around. i even went to his funeral and all i could think about was going home or getting something to eat. hold on while i wipe the tears from my eyes for remembering this... I do the same thing with my dads brothers and sisters, just small talk and its off to something else, like the TV. the only real conversation i remember is with my dads brother, we spent about an hour or 2 talking about random things. thats the only real discussion i ever had with any of my family members. now with the family i live with. my brother and I are somewhat connected, since were brothers and have plenty of fun togethor. my mother. again, just small talk and i see her the most, and its just me on the computer while she cooks or watchs or shows. and my dad is possibly the farthest off of anyone of my family, the only time we really talk is when i have a mental nuke blast and he has to talk to me to calm down. I dont know why, hold on more tears... done, i want to know my family before something happens that i may never get a chance to talk to them again. what make me even feel worst is, will i do this to my kids? or wife? is it the age difference, or what, i just dont know whats keeping me from really being intune with my family.




Admiral Donutz VIP Member

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9th December 2003

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#2 10 years ago

I don't see a real issue.

I only "small talk" with my dad and my mom and her new husband. There isn't a whole lot to be said. You know enough about eachother so that you don't really have much to say unless you experienced something fun like on a holiday and were you summarize the events in 5 minutes to them. I don't think yu will find many people who spent hours talking with their parents?

As for grandparents, I talk more with her (only have a grandmother left) ofcourse since she isn't around me 24/7 (I see her once a week or so) so I update her on things concerning me, other family members etc.

So I wouldn't worry too much, now if nobody ever said a word and your family would basically just be grunting at each other... even when asked "so how is your dad/mom/brother doing, what is (s)he up to these days?" and you grunt in respect and shrug your shoulders... then their migh t be a problem...




NiRv4n4

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26th June 2008

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#3 10 years ago

You are not alone. I absolutely HATE my siblings 80% of the time, and the only time I ever do anything with the younger 2 is play Frisbee outside. Now, my older brother is a real asshole a lot of the time, so I keep my distance. My mom is crazy sometimes, seems like on the edge of a nervous brake down, and I don't EVER talk to my dad at all. But I go just fine. I am quite an antisocial person, I hate society and I think people should be taught a lesson on what living is, or be eradicated. But the main person (or thing :P) I connect with is my miniature dachshund, Skippy. A dachshund is a 'wiener dog', in case you don't know. I just love animals, and my dog may be my favorite living being. And I am NOT joking.




crisissuit3

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#4 10 years ago
Admiral Donutz;4605434I don't see a real issue. I only "small talk" with my dad and my mom and her new husband. There isn't a whole lot to be said. You know enough about eachother so that you don't really have much to say unless you experienced something fun like on a holiday and were you summarize the events in 5 minutes to them. I don't think yu will find many people who spent hours talking with their parents? As for grandparents, I talk more with her (only have a grandmother left) ofcourse since she isn't around me 24/7 (I see her once a week or so) so I update her on things concerning me, other family members etc. So I wouldn't worry too much, now if nobody ever said a word and your family would basically just be grunting at each other... even when asked "so how is your dad/mom/brother doing, what is (s)he up to these days?" and you grunt in respect and shrug your shoulders... then their migh t be a problem...[/quote] i guess that makes sense, but i would like to have a deeper understanding of my family or quality time with them. probably in fact, we all seem a little disconnected, i cant remember the last time we all went somewhere togethor. [quote=NiRv4n4;4605438]You are not alone. I absolutely HATE my siblings 80% of the time, and the only time I ever do anything with the younger 2 is play Frisbee outside. Now, my older brother is a real asshole a lot of the time, so I keep my distance. My mom is crazy sometimes, seems like on the edge of a nervous brake down, and I don't EVER talk to my dad at all. But I go just fine. I am quite an antisocial person, I hate society and I think people should be taught a lesson on what living is, or be eradicated. But the main person (or thing :P) I connect with is my miniature dachshund, Skippy. A dachshund is a 'wiener dog', in case you don't know. I just love animals, and my dog may be my favorite living being. And I am NOT joking.

i love my dog a whole lot too, probably spend more time with her, then with the rest of my family.




Admiral Donutz VIP Member

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#5 10 years ago
crisissuit3;4605455i guess that makes sense, but i would like to have a deeper understanding of my family or quality time with them. probably in fact, we all seem a little disconnected, i cant remember the last time we all went somewhere togethor.

In that case you could suggest to go somewhere together that all of you should find enjoyable. A trip to a musuem, park, themepark, sight seeing somewhere or what not. A year or two back my dad, brother and I went on a short vacation to Germany and France and we had great fun camping together. And it was cheap on my wallet... =p but that was just a secundairy extra (I might eb Dutch but that doesn't mean I'm an absolute money sucker to greedy to spent my money on anything :lol: ).




crisissuit3

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#6 10 years ago
Admiral Donutz;4605460In that case you could suggest to go somewhere together that all of you should find enjoyable. A trip to a musuem, park, themepark, sight seeing somewhere or what not. A year or two back my dad, brother and I went on a short vacation to Germany and France and we had great fun camping together. And it was cheap on my wallet... =p but that was just a secundairy extra (I might eb Dutch but that doesn't mean I'm an absolute money sucker to greedy to spent my money on anything :lol: ).

Time is not really on our side, with my brother doing soccor and swimming, me with intense homework and cross country. we may be able to find some quality time, like a holiday. but what about my aunts and uncles?




N88TR

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10th February 2004

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#7 10 years ago

crisissuit3;4605420well, what really sparked me on thinking about this thread was when my dad came home from a 3 week vacation with his family. and when he came home, it was just. *hugs* "welcome back" and then we act like he never left. then i started to look back on what my relations with my family was like. my conclusion, small talk. thats basically all i could remember was things like, "im home" "hi" "i love you" and stuff like that. also, one of my aunt is about to leave soon and I never talked with her, and whats makes me feel bad is that she's about to leave soon and i havn't done anything with her. or my grandparents, all i can remember doing when my grandfather was still alive was play around while he was on his death bed and as i look back, i tell myself im the most cold hearted bastard that could possibly ever live. i mean, on his death bed, and im just running around with my brother or playing games right in front of him. although, i also understood why i never connected with him, its because we spoke different languages but i still felt like i could have done more. same thing with my grandmother. she still has a long time ago, but we move in a year and, i never knew her well either, and again, she speak the language on my mothers side. so, in a year, we may never see each other again. on my fathers side, my grandmother died when i was too young to remember, so i guess it makes sense, but i did the same thing with my dads father as well, just play around. i even went to his funeral and all i could think about was going home or getting something to eat. hold on while i wipe the tears from my eyes for remembering this... I do the same thing with my dads brothers and sisters, just small talk and its off to something else, like the TV. the only real conversation i remember is with my dads brother, we spent about an hour or 2 talking about random things. thats the only real discussion i ever had with any of my family members. now with the family i live with. my brother and I are somewhat connected, since were brothers and have plenty of fun togethor. my mother. again, just small talk and i see her the most, and its just me on the computer while she cooks or watchs or shows. and my dad is possibly the farthest off of anyone of my family, the only time we really talk is when i have a mental nuke blast and he has to talk to me to calm down. I dont know why, hold on more tears... done, i want to know my family before something happens that i may never get a chance to talk to them again. what make me even feel worst is, will i do this to my kids? or wife? is it the age difference, or what, i just dont know whats keeping me from really being intune with my family.[/quote]

If you feel the need to express more emotion do so! Hugs, kisses, oh my, let it out.

My family is like yours, we don't have a heck of a lot of emotion [I myself have little empathy for others unless they are genuinely in pain or confusion, even then it's a coin toss. I consider myself pretty ruthless.] in our house. I come back from 4 weeks at college and my dad's watching tv. He looks up at me and smiles and turns back to the glowing box. My mom nods at me, my younger brother ignores me. Many times in life you have to find your own pleasure, your own activities.

[quote=Admiral Donutz;4605434]I don't see a real issue.

I only "small talk" with my dad and my mom and her new husband. There isn't a whole lot to be said. You know enough about eachother so that you don't really have much to say unless you experienced something fun like on a holiday and were you summarize the events in 5 minutes to them. I don't think yu will find many people who spent hours talking with their parents?

As for grandparents, I talk more with her (only have a grandmother left) ofcourse since she isn't around me 24/7 (I see her once a week or so) so I update her on things concerning me, other family members etc.

So I wouldn't worry too much, now if nobody ever said a word and your family would basically just be grunting at each other... even when asked "so how is your dad/mom/brother doing, what is (s)he up to these days?" and you grunt in respect and shrug your shoulders... then their migh t be a problem...

I see it as a real issue, but it's not something very serious I don't think. There doesn't seem to be a lack of communication at his house [as you were suggesting], and that was something I was thinking about while reading his post.

I might also, reaching maybe, take this all as an act for you to will yourself to move on, out of the house, spread your oats and claim your own future in the wider world. Just a thought.




Badha1rday

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27th July 2005

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#8 10 years ago

Small talk is normal. Families hate each other. It's the natural way of existance. You have to hate relativs in some way, or the family will fall apart.




Dot Com

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26th June 2000

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#9 10 years ago

Suck it up. It's life.

I don't have a lot of social support from school and friends...so I just deal with it one way or another. I suggest you do the same.




Mr. Pedantic

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8th October 2006

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#10 10 years ago

I don't see the problem here.

If you want more closeness in your family, you have to do something about that yourself. Just telling us won't do anything.




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