Im fading, need support 11 replies

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Liquid fire

I pretend I'm cooler than AzH

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10th June 2006

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#1 11 years ago

I have been a hermit for several years now, I only leave for college and crowds there and anywhere almost give me a panic attack. Im pale as a white sheet , and Im afraid to go out into the world.

I am so afraid and I do not know if facing crowds will help cure this. I get faint and my heart races. My friends are long gone now and crowds make me sick.

If I do not get a job Im getting kicked out of my home and they want me to get a job and my grades are failing and Im so disconnect from school , reality , and a job might help me come back down to earth but... :(




super6-4

GF is my bext friend *hugs GF*

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26th July 2004

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#2 11 years ago

yep seems the only thing that would help is to face it and go for it, try not to worry about the people, they dont have to be there if u dont think about it




Aeroflot

I would die without GF

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2nd May 2003

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#3 11 years ago

I used to be in a similar, though less severe, position as Brainkory. In high school I hated to go out and be with people, because my social skills were nil. At that point in my life my lack of a social life wasn't entirely my fault. I used to travel all the time with my parents and so I never settled down to have a bunch of friends. I didn't grow up in a super social environment. When I got to college, I had tons of catching up to do, and I didn't even realize how much catching up I had to do. Just picture a me 5'8", no tan, no muscles, glasses, insanely horrible acne, over sized clothes, and only a handful of friends. Yeah, I was in it bad. I was so ignorant of who I was that if I were to travel back to my sophomore year of high school knowing what I know now, I would probably kill myself. JROTC was the only thing I was good at. I was glad I found it, because I was respected for being a good leader. Kinda weird for a guy with zero social skills.

Until senior year, I used to spend most of my time inside on the computer. I was desperate to have a social life, so I did whatever was necessary, even smoking pot and breaking the law. When I graduated I had my first relationship with a girl and fooled around a bit. That kinda opened new doors for me, though I was still FAR from where I am now.

Freshman year of college opened up a whole new world for me. People cared less and were more laid back. At least I could not be so afraid of what people thought of me, because no one would pick on me. But, otherwise, first semester of freshman year was a continuation of high school. I joined some Christian organizations that my roommate was a part of and that helped me make some friends, but not too many. Second semester was a bit better, but my best friend at college, my roommate, joined a frat, and so he wasn't there all the time to do stuff with. That is when I knew I had to do something. Getting a job was my first goal, and I got it. It wasn't a social life per se, but it exposed me to loads of people.

The summer between freshman year and this year of college was very important for me. I made two good friends the previous semester and we went camping (gay, I know) and they would be important in hooking me up with other people. Also, I traveled to Russia, which helped me get accustomed to big crowds and strange people, and new fashion. I never had a good sense of style, but I got new clothes in Russia and I guess my fashion sense increased. I also began to drink in Russia, since the age is like 18... I think.

This semester is awesome. My good friends I was telling you about have helped me so much. Let me put it this way: I went from 50 Facebook friends my entire Freshman year to 90 the first half of this semester, and I tend to see these people regularly. Going to parties really helped me. I know drinking is bad, but it really does bring you out of the shell you're in. Also, joining a soccer team exposed me to more people and forced me to get in shape. I suck at soccer, but at least now I'm exercising everyday. To add, I've asked two girl out, both unsuccessfully (=p) but one of them I'm going to ask out again (not the one I was talking about in the Spam Forum) because she's a churchy girl and it was Saturday night (she said she had to get to bed early for church and I believed her). We had a great time swing dancing... oh, yeah, I went dancing. Dancing helps. She and I danced all night together.

Yeah, I'm going to stop my pathetic life story right there. Basically, social life is work. I didn't want to go dancing, and I mean I really didn't want to, but I kicked my ass and forced myself to, and I'm glad I did it. Getting out there is what you need to do, but slowly.

Here are some tips for you brainkory:

  • Stay outside. Do something outside. Get a basketball and shoot hoops. Kick a soccer ball. Ummm... run! Run a lot. Do anything to keep yourself away from the inside. This will also help you get some color in your skin.
  • Workout. Start simple by doing push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups. Run regularly. Maybe get into weightlifting later on. Just get in shape, because if all else fails, at least you can look good. Check out this site for different workout plans.
  • Take up some "cool" hobbies. Buy yourself a guitar and practice everyday. There are people on these forums who will help you get started with that. If you don't like music try writing, but write outdoors in a park or somewhere quiet and away from people. "Cool" hobbies really depend on the people. I know writing is considered cool in my circle of friends. Maybe you could try scuba diving, too. One of my friends wants me to do that.
  • Get a job. This will help you get your people skills. Getting a job sucks, but don't quit. I quit my first job on my first day like a sissy. I told myself I would try harder my next job and I've had the job a year now.
  • Don't try to be social too fast or you might have a panic attack like you said. It will take time before you're where you want to be, and where you want to be is totally up to you. I guess where you want to be is in a comfortable life.
  • Don't quit at anything you do. I just learned this myself. Quitting makes you look like a pussy and it also hurts your self-esteem. I suck balls at soccer, and I got laughed at Saturday big time, but I've been trying and trying for months now to get better, and I wanted to quit Saturday, but I didn't. I stuck with it and afterwards I overheard my teammates saying how much I sucked, but they respected me for trying, which I more important to me than playing well. "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. ~ Vince Lombardi"
  • And one last thing, find inspiration. I like to read quotes and I tend to keep them in my head, like that one above ^. Whenever I'm about to quit because someone hurts me, I remember the quote and it inspires me to get back up. Just keep trying at whatever you do. Don't give up.

I hope you will learn something from this post.




Atrusino

Ewiges Leben, Wolf des Südens

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24th February 2007

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#4 11 years ago

I'd start or get involved in a weekly group of some sort and work from there.. I had a friend who wouldn't leave his house.. Got him to ym weekly gaming group to meet a few people.. After a few weeks we started havin lunch at the mall and after that it wasn't hard to get him out in the open.. He's still a bit uneasy, but that cures with time. Just start small with 3-4 people and go from there.




N88TR

Old school pimp

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10th February 2004

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#5 11 years ago

briankory;4017464I have been a hermit for several years now, I only leave for college and crowds there and anywhere almost give me a panic attack. Im pale as a white sheet , and Im afraid to go out into the world.

I am so afraid and I do not know if facing crowds will help cure this. I get faint and my heart races. My friends are long gone now and crowds make me sick.

If I do not get a job Im getting kicked out of my home and they want me to get a job and my grades are failing and Im so disconnect from school , reality , and a job might help me come back down to earth but... :(

So are you hiding on the internet? The "cyber" crowds don't scare you?




Liquid fire

I pretend I'm cooler than AzH

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10th June 2006

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#6 11 years ago

No, only what is very real can scare me the rest can be left for fantasys , and I can handle most of those. hahaah.




Guest

I didn't make it!

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#7 11 years ago

uhh, join the moose club? that could help




Aeroflot

I would die without GF

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2nd May 2003

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#8 11 years ago
briankory;4019267No, only what is very real can scare me the rest can be left for fantasys , and I can handle most of those. hahaah.

Man, I remember being afraid of crowds. The worst thing ever was when I was in JROTC and had to command 160 cadets at a time. 160 judgmental high schoolers were listening to my every word, paying attention to how I pronounce my words, and listening to me screw up orders. The more I thought about the worse I felt. I felt I had to be perfect and every little mistake echoed in my head forever.

I finally told myself I'm only human and not perfect. Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. ~Salvador Dali I kept telling myself that until I believed it. Once I realized that, I knew that nothing I could do would protect me from criticism from other people, but that was ok, because no one else is prefect. We're all equal. When I knew I wasn't perfect and no one else was, I began to actually love imperfection, as weird as that sounds. It's kinda like listening to a CD of Red Hot Chili Peppers and then comparing that to the live version. I mean, the CD sounds so much better, but the live version has its own character and quirks. I forgave Anthony Kiedis for bad singing. =) And that's another thing you have to do: forgive. You have to forgive yourself for your mistakes and forgive others for theirs. One of my favorite quotes about making mistakes is this:

Mistakes, obviously, show us what needs improving. Without mistakes, how would we know what we had to work on? ~Peter McWilliams

Just think of mistakes as little lessons, and the more you make, the more you learn. Some things in life can be told to you and you can believe them. Other things have to be experienced in order to understand. I sort of look forward to making mistakes, because I await the lesson to be learned. I don't make mistakes on purpose, obviously.

This all ties into being in crowds, I promise. =) To sum everything up: screw what other people think and do whatever.




Kilobyte

What does the Fox say?

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23rd November 2002

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#9 11 years ago
n88tr;4018778So are you hiding on the internet? The "cyber" crowds don't scare you?

Nope. Because you are remote from those cyber crowds. If a person gets a bad rep, they can easily go elsewhere, and create a new identity.

It is much more difficult to move, or create a new identity in real life. This is one of the biggest reasons behind that fear. If you mess up, it will be remembered for a long time. Kids tend to remember little mistakes.

Getting a Job was the best thing that helped me. I had to have confidence, and I was able to put forth that air of confidence.

Another thing that helped, was this one incident on the playground. I was the new kid, came in half-way through the school year. Nobody knew anything about me. Half the school yard grouped around me, wanting to know who I was. I ducked around the corner, and stayed there. I thought about what I had done, and realized why they had gathered around. My fear slowly faded, and I considered going back out. I decided not to, not that time, but next time I would go back out.

I knew then that I didn't have to face the crowd. I only had to, if I wanted to. From then on, I wanted to.




Liquid fire

I pretend I'm cooler than AzH

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10th June 2006

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#10 11 years ago

Thank you everyone and aeroflotte I have had the strenght to get past most my problems, hell hahaha I make an emo thread every weak, this issue however is still a bother. If I ever need to pm you I will because you kindly said I could. I appreciate that. All this advice is great everyone, Im going to read it more closely and keep moving forward with as much as I can take along.




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