Life According to 'Two Cows' 25 replies

Please wait...

NiteStryker

Biggest F-ing A-hole 2010

215,560 XP

24th April 2003

0 Uploads

18,771 Posts

0 Threads

#1 14 years ago

Saw this on someones sig, prompted me to look for more, and I have found em!

Examples of life using '2 Cows'

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

RUSSIAN: You have 2 cows. You count agian and you have 5 cows. You count agian and have 57 cows. You stop counting and open another bottle of vodka.

TALIBAN: You have 2 cows, but jail them for their tails being too short. They escape and die in the Afghan mountains. You blame the godless American infidels.




Darkness Knight 15

Zerstörung.

50 XP

15th May 2003

0 Uploads

4,262 Posts

0 Threads

#2 14 years ago

Ensign Riles's signature... Nice list...




Nov.SmackDown

GF Pwns Me!

50 XP

29th July 2004

0 Uploads

49 Posts

0 Threads

#3 14 years ago

HAHAHAHA!!!! That's great!! :lol: :lol: :lol:




NiteStryker

Biggest F-ing A-hole 2010

215,560 XP

24th April 2003

0 Uploads

18,771 Posts

0 Threads

#4 14 years ago

its alotta funny crap up there :lol:




AegenemmnoN VIP Member

The cream of the crop

228,590 XP

19th August 2003

0 Uploads

21,534 Posts

0 Threads

#5 14 years ago

i want to have those on a T-shirt.. its a beautiful list.




Nov.SmackDown

GF Pwns Me!

50 XP

29th July 2004

0 Uploads

49 Posts

0 Threads

#6 14 years ago

You're gonna need one big T-shirt. :D




NiteStryker

Biggest F-ing A-hole 2010

215,560 XP

24th April 2003

0 Uploads

18,771 Posts

0 Threads

#7 14 years ago

or a small font




AegenemmnoN VIP Member

The cream of the crop

228,590 XP

19th August 2003

0 Uploads

21,534 Posts

0 Threads

#8 14 years ago

you know, there ARE are a front and back on a shirt. ;)




Nov.SmackDown

GF Pwns Me!

50 XP

29th July 2004

0 Uploads

49 Posts

0 Threads

#9 14 years ago

Whatever. roll%20eyes%20%28sarcastic%29.gif




El Hombre del Fuego

The Three of Swords

50 XP

11th August 2003

0 Uploads

1,676 Posts

0 Threads

#10 14 years ago

Nice... But Ensign Riles's signature highlighted all the best ones.