Men must develop their nurturing side 21 replies

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masked_marsoe VIP Member

Heaven's gonna burn your eyes

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16th April 2005

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#1 11 years ago
Men need to look within themselves to find the responses to challenges posed by feminism, writes GEORGE SWEET. In the 1970s, men were being challenged to respond to the dynamic feminism that was alive and moving all around them. They met in small groups all around new Zealand. There is a remnant still trying to find out how to be male. Some try sweat lodges. Others try drumming. Yet others try to restore the warrior-male. Why did the response to feminism fail? The basic reason was that men accepted a false premise. They were asked by women to "find your feminine side". I have news for the men who, like me, tried do to just that: you don't have a feminine side. It's load of old cobblers. What men do have is a gentle, warm, listening, respectful, caring, nurturing, intimate side. This is a male trait, underdeveloped certainly, but it is not essentially a feminine trait any more than go-getting, achieving, power traits are essentially masculine. For centuries, both sexes had been culturally conditioned into roles that are no longer useful. Your dinkum Kiwi bloke was never going to sit in a group with no beer and no fag and search for his feminine side. He did a Crumpy and ran a considerable number of kilometres. Some men went on to develop their nurturing side, and their wives and children have had a better deal. Other men have become victims. A men's hui was reported in just that manner: "We aren't getting a fair go from the Family Court. We die sooner than women. We have more heart attacks than women." The pseudo-victim stance does not answer men's needs. In fact, it further disables them from fulfilling their lives. In counselling some men see how it was, and give up the "victim of court and wife stance". They begin again, recognising that there is much they could do by changing their mindset and their behavioural patterns. In new relationships, many of them do much better. Others hold on to the old behaviours and carry them through three or four more relationships, never realising that it might be their issues that have to be deal with. Patriarchy has done men no favours. It teaches men that confrontation, competition, winning and ruling are of more value than conciliation, sharing, being equals and nurturing self. It has led to a last-ditch resurgence of the macho. Under the headline, "Boys flee `feminised' schools" (Jan 31), The Press reported that boys-only schools were having their highest rolls ever. Led by old school males, their fathers, the boys were going to get a real, male education. This all represents the last death throes of the macho-male culture. It is a fear response – fear of intimacy, of not knowing the answers, of coming second, of the gentle man. Boys are not at risk of being feminised. Today, schools are humanising males after centuries of male cultural dominance, arrogance and violence. There is a long way to go. The media continue to sell men on top – as sportsmen, top earners and top celebrities – as people to emulate. Men still kill each other, and women and children, as the way to settle differences. These men are victims of a conditioning that the hunter-gatherer can and will do whatever he chooses. The victim role continues to disable men. It is not a good alternative. It puts the macho wagons in a circle while they try to pick off the feminists as they ride by, whooping. Men stay trapped there in defensive mode. They stay deprived. Where did that wonderful word "gentleman" come from? Gentle man? It will take focused attention and deep desire to be different, not cosmetically, but deep within – a desire to give our nurturing, intimate, caring, respectful, listening, gentle man equal time with our go-getting, achieving, powerful selves. The patriarchal system will continue to put stumbling blocks in our way. Find a mentor to whom you can pour out your heart. Yes, I know, mate. It sounds as if I am letting the side down, doesn't it? One suggestion: if you don't know how to access the warm, nurturing side of yourself, don't ask a woman how to do it. Ask a man who is already doing it.

Saw it in the paper a couple of days ago, and just now tracked down the online version.

Discuss!




RadioactiveLobster Forum Admin

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#2 11 years ago

The feministion of men is a dangerous thing

They are getting rid of tag, football, etc... because they are "too violent" or cause some sort of harm to a child. The same goes for grown men, they are trying to 'dumb down' so to speak the mans nature.


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Banach

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27th February 2006

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#3 11 years ago

As stupid as masculinating(?) a woman.

'nuff said.




Joe Bonham

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10th December 2005

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#4 11 years ago

Feminism does both. Turns women into man-with-boobs clones, and turns men into pussies.




Reno

The professional.

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22nd March 2006

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#5 11 years ago

What this boils down to is this, be yourself. Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to think. If you want to explore your personal nature, more power to you. There is no such thing as the feminization of the male species.




masked_marsoe VIP Member

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16th April 2005

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#6 11 years ago

articleThey were asked by women to "find your feminine side". I have news for the men who, like me, tried do to just that: you don't have a feminine side.[/QUOTE]That's one of the key points for me.

The victim role continues to disable men. It is not a good alternative. It puts the macho wagons in a circle while they try to pick off the feminists as they ride by, whooping. Men stay trapped there in defensive mode. They stay deprived.

And the other.

[QUOTE=Bob]What this boils down to is this, be yourself. Don't let anyone tell you what to do or how to think. If you want to explore your personal nature, more power to you. There is no such thing as the feminization of the male species.

Not quite, on both counts. There is feminisation of the male species, but it is not the alternative to the macho-man. It is not a male attribute, and has led to such a backlash. It is the victim role.

The point is that we (men) need to look at the social conditioning of men, and the alternatives we have. We all know by now we don't have to be macho-men (feminism's greatest gift to us), and that we are not expected to be anything. But there's a problem in itself, that we are not expected to be anything. We do have roles that we can fill, that we need to fill.

We need to change the attitude that the opposite of macho-man is feminised man, because that is not true. That only leads to the victim role again.




BobDole

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15th November 2003

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#7 11 years ago

nurturing for me involves my left hand




Primarch Vulkan VIP Member

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#8 11 years ago

hey anyone recall were peter (Faimly Guy, "I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar"), were Peter goes to womens camp then learns the pain of child birth and is now effeminate. I for one don't dig too deep into a mans nurturing side. After all aren't we the one who protect the females?


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#9 11 years ago

Whenever my nurturing side get's the best of me I just punch it in the face and tell it to shut the hell up.




Mr. Matt VIP Member

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#10 11 years ago

I hate this whole subject. There is no feminisation, only brainwashing. Some men are violent wankers, some are crying wusses, some are somewhere in-between... and some of us just want beer and nachos, damn it. Why change people? What good could possibly come from me crying over the Titanic movie? None, that's what. So leave me alone! Leave everybody alone, and let them get on with their own lives!