Mental Disorders Have Destroyed My Academic Career. 37 replies

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Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

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15th September 2004

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#1 10 years ago

Over 2 1/2 years ago, I wrote a thread about how happy I was to be accepted to graduate school. Now I get to write about the opposite and give out some fun facts in return.

I have 2 mental disorders not including ADD that used to not affect school. I've had them for 8 years and they never affected school. That changed a few weeks ago.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder suddenly decided to affect my school life via making classes way too annoying to attend. What happens is that I now focus on small irritants in class such as coughing, sneezing, heavy breathing, sniffing, mild talking, etc. Anything the teacher can't hear is fair game. One incident is well not enough to get me extremely anxious, but a number of them will add up to a decent amount of anxiety, and class usually consists of a decent amount. I wish I could ignore them, but I can't. It's not as easy for me.

Anyway, this "classroom irritation" problem started around Late August or Early September. At first, it was nothing, but as days went on, the anxiety built up. Rest from classes helped to relieve it, but if I ever rested, I usually would fall behind in work. Eventually, about the last full week of September, I came to the conclusion that if I continued to attend classes, I would build up so much anxiety that I would snap or have an outburst and most likely yell at someone in class, and in this day and age, that is a bad thing because I would be labeled as violent. Another possibility was me becoming too depressed to do any work and flunking out. It was that Wednesday (9/25) that I decided to stop attending classes.

Since then, I've met with my adviser and the Graduate Advisory Panel for the Department of Meteorology to come up with a plan to make the best out of this disaster. We have decided upon taking just one class this semester and doing research, but after that, I take a leave of absence. This means that I take a break from school until my classroom irritation problem vanishes (and it will). Unfortunately, you don't get paid during leaves of absence. This means that I'll have to get a job, which is a bitch, and when I say it's a bitch, I mean job hunting.

Thus, though I'm not totally out of the program, I see my Ph.D. dream all but nearly destroyed. It really pisses me off, but I can't do anything but type it out here and let you all know about it. =p

At least September is over. Last September was potentially one of the worst ones of my life, and for more reasons than this.

Ugh...




Pethegreat VIP Member

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19th April 2004

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#2 10 years ago

Your up at Penn State right? There is enough alcohol up there to solve your classroom related problems.

I am lucky. I only have a semi-bad course load. I am considering some sort of graduate school, although I doubt I would get my PhD. I would like to have a masters degree in chem engineering and a bachelors/masters in chemistry.

Good luck getting things sorted out.




NiRv4n4

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26th June 2008

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#3 10 years ago

Well, you are not alone. I am pretty sure I have Social Anxiety Disorder, and perhaps OCD, however I have yet to get diagnosed. I get incredibly irritated, and it doesn't help that my schoolmates are already irritating enough without a disorder. What I believe to be the best quote ever, "If a man gives his best, what else is there?". So, basically, give school your best shot, and if you end up not getting a doctorate, it isn't your fault. It is your parent's fault! They gave you the bad genes! :p




Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

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#4 10 years ago

Peth, beer doesn't sound like a bad idea right now :beer: I don't know. It wasn't schoolwork that caused this, though that was a bitch in itself and would have worn me out, but I wouldn't have quit.

NiRv4n4, look up the disorders and see if you match the symptoms. I would say look for online tests, but I don't know the validity of quick tests (the only accredited one I took online said that I only had mild OCD HAHAHAHAHAHA! - probably because I rarely have compulsions - this was also the only online test I took period).

I am giving school all that I can, but this brick wall is in the way and I can't kill myself working under extra anxiety or be marked the next Virginia Tech Incident possibility (not a certainty) because of my inevitable outburst.

Trust me, I want to get back in classes. Tried Tuesday and I was going to try today, but the anxiety remains.

No, I won't blame my parents for my inherited mental illnesses, but my kids may blame me for theirs (If I have kids).




Mr. Pedantic

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8th October 2006

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#5 10 years ago

That sucks. What sort of job are you going to get? Because it seems that if you can't stand a classroom, how are you going to stand being in a working environment?




Penguin_Unit

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8th May 2007

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#6 10 years ago

I'm not unlike that. But I don't have a problem. I had to just suck it up...




RadioactiveLobster Forum Admin

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#7 10 years ago

Sorry to hear that. I do hope all goes well for you.

Perhaps a good storm chase to get your nerves off things...


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Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

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#8 10 years ago

Mr. Pedantic;4610369That sucks. What sort of job are you going to get? Because it seems that if you can't stand a classroom, how are you going to stand being in a working environment?[/QUOTE]

MP3 Player (or iPod). It was something I could not use in the classroom because if I did, I would look bad and I could not hear the teacher. That's been my solution to audible annoyances for quite a while. Unfortunately, I lost my iPod last month.

Penguin_Unit;4610383I'm not unlike that. But I don't have a problem. I had to just suck it up...

I tried, but like I said, if I had continued, I would have exploded or become severely depressed and do no schoolwork. It's not easy when your mind works against you.

[QUOTE=S.T.A.L.K.E.R.;4610414]Sorry to hear that. I do hope all goes well for you.

Perhaps a good storm chase to get your nerves off things...

Definitely. If another Cat 3 hurricane pops up, I'm there.

I thought about heading to Maine last week and just sitting there while my hurricane was passing by, but there wasn't anything spectacular about Hurricane Kyle and it (and the fun left side) were going to hit Canada anyway.




Lyon

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#9 10 years ago

That sounds like it really sucks. Dunno what I'd do if that happened to me. Hope things work out for you though.




Nittany Tiger Forum Mod

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#10 10 years ago

I thought of something and I should be happy that I'm not in this situation.

As stated before, I only have 1/2 of OCD (the obsessive part). Things would be worse off if I had both ends, and I know that there are people out there that are in school that have to try to hide both obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions, and that second part may not be easy. It would definitely interfere with school.

Those people have it horribly. I know because I saw a show in psychology class maybe in high school where a grad student had full OCD. He had an attack and locked himself in his bathroom for weeks.

This was just a thought. I just wanted to lean attention towards those that have full-blown OCD and try to get through grad school or through daily life period.

A SIDE NOTE: I blame GAD for this shit more than OCD.