My dad is dead. You don't have to be, though! 19 replies

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Mr. Matt Advanced Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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17th June 2002

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#11 3 years ago

I was wrong. I was so wrong. It's me! It's me that's doing it! Everybody that knows me is either dying or turning into a sociopath! My mum's now in hospital with cancer. Four days after my dad was cremated. She will probably die.

That isn't a coincidence. I'm the correlation! Everybody who knows me either goes insane or dies! I've analysed all of the correlative effects, across all of these disparate incidents, and I'm the only commonality. It's too frequent, across too broad a spectrum, to be anything else. I don't understand why, as I didn't think I was a bad person, and I'm pretty sure I'm not radioactive (I have one of those radiation detectors they sell at UK cold war bunkers), but it's the only conclusion to draw from the available evidence.

Don't worry, I won't come here again. I have a plan. But please delete my account, just in case. For your own safety, if nothing else.

Save yourselves. The universe is systematically killing everyone and everything I care about, and you won't be safe. This is not a joke. This is not an overreaction. This is not a cry for help. This is real. Your lives and/or sanity are at stake. Do it.




Superfluous Curmudgeon Advanced Member

AOE2 Addict

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22nd December 2007

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#12 3 years ago

"Mr. Matt"I was wrong. I was so wrong. It's me! It's me that's doing it! Everybody that knows me is either dying or turning into a sociopath! My mum's now in hospital with cancer. Four days after my dad was cremated. She will probably die.

That isn't a coincidence. I'm the correlation! Everybody who knows me either goes insane or dies! I've analysed all of the correlative effects, across all of these disparate incidents, and I'm the only commonality. It's too frequent, across too broad a spectrum, to be anything else. I don't understand why, as I didn't think I was a bad person, and I'm pretty sure I'm not radioactive (I have one of those radiation detectors they sell at UK cold war bunkers), but it's the only conclusion to draw from the available evidence.

Don't worry, I won't come here again. I have a plan. But please delete my account, just in case. For your own safety, if nothing else.

Save yourselves. The universe is systematically killing everyone and everything I care about, and you won't be safe. This is not a joke. This is not an overreaction. This is not a cry for help. This is real. Your lives and/or sanity are at stake. Do it.

You should do everything you can to make your mom comfortable and happy. That's what i think. And I'm not going to tell you what to believe, but I think that conclusion is crazy and defiant of logic. There are so many variables in this world that such a correlation is impossible to confirm with any statistical confidence whatsoever. I don't know you in person but the time I've known you on these forums has been only a good experience. I think one of the things that has brought us together on these forums in recent years has been our own quirks - a lot of us have either diagnosed problems or are socially impaired to the point where it's very difficult to develop good relationships. That's just how we are and it's nice to have a common place to chat. 

I don't know you in real life but it sounds like you've gone through hell and back. I'm not going to tell you to leave or to stay - I've come to the realization that it's both foolish and selfish to do so. What I am telling you to do is to know that we love you. As a person and as a friend. And also that you're not doing us any favors by leaving. But whatever happens, I hope you find peace.  




Nemmerle Forum Moderator

Voice of joy and sunshine

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26th May 2003

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#13 3 years ago

"Mr. Matt"I was wrong. I was so wrong. It's me! It's me that's doing it! Everybody that knows me is either dying or turning into a sociopath! My mum's now in hospital with cancer. Four days after my dad was cremated. She will probably die.

That isn't a coincidence. I'm the correlation! Everybody who knows me either goes insane or dies! I've analysed all of the correlative effects, across all of these disparate incidents, and I'm the only commonality. It's too frequent, across too broad a spectrum, to be anything else. I don't understand why, as I didn't think I was a bad person, and I'm pretty sure I'm not radioactive (I have one of those radiation detectors they sell at UK cold war bunkers), but it's the only conclusion to draw from the available evidence.

Don't worry, I won't come here again. I have a plan. But please delete my account, just in case. For your own safety, if nothing else.

Save yourselves. The universe is systematically killing everyone and everything I care about, and you won't be safe. This is not a joke. This is not an overreaction. This is not a cry for help. This is real. Your lives and/or sanity are at stake. Do it.

Get help, Matt. Seriously. This isn't a healthy way to be thinking.  I'm happy to run the risk that you're cursed in some way and just being around you will somehow fuck my life up - if you want to take action that reduces the risk of things that I'd consider bad from my perspective? Find help. I care about that more than I care about the marginal existential risk you may represent.

You've known hundreds of people over the course of your life so far. School, work. You are the commonality in everything bad that you know about happening to people you care about - sure! Just like everyone else. Every observation create a correlation with the thing observed. And of course you're going to observe the people you care about more and over time the probability of something bad happening to everyone goes up (after a certain point super-exponentially - age is a bitch.) So, caring means that your chances of seeing something bad go up and the chance of those bad things actually happening is going up all the time anyway.

That's not abnormal.

A fair portion of my family are dead. My grandfather, my other grandfather, my grandmother, my other grandmother's insane, my uncle's dead, my cousin's gone under an involuntary psych hold and has a history of mental illness and was briefly homeless... and let's not even start on the glaring mental health deficits of my immediate family. And you know what? Even with that aside, most of the people I know who seem to be genuinely decent smart folks? They're all deeply damaged in some way or another.

Am I cursed too? No. None of that has anything to do with me. Just as the misfortunes that befall those around you have little if anything to do with you. It just looks that way because you're seeing a small slice of the people you've interacted with over the course of your life.

It's possible that there is some correlative effect that also applies to you. If the people around you seem to be arseholes... maybe your social skills aren't great at filtering for arseholes. One of the areas of improvement in my own life of late has been actually reading body language and phrasing things in a less brutal way (... that one may not be going so well ... ) and the quality of relationships surrounding me improves somewhat. In that case there is a causal factor at work. It's possible that your family has fucked up genetics - or that there's some social effect where people with defective genes are more likely to marry people with defective genes and reproduce together. All those things are possible. But you can't just observe a spurious correlate and be like, 'Oh, I'm cursed!'

That's not healthy.

Talk to someone, find a therapist, talk to your GP. Get help for pity's sake.




MoreGun89

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28th July 2004

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#14 3 years ago
"Nemmerle"

"Mr. Matt"I was wrong. I was so wrong. It's me! It's me that's doing it! Everybody that knows me is either dying or turning into a sociopath! My mum's now in hospital with cancer. Four days after my dad was cremated. She will probably die.

That isn't a coincidence. I'm the correlation! Everybody who knows me either goes insane or dies! I've analysed all of the correlative effects, across all of these disparate incidents, and I'm the only commonality. It's too frequent, across too broad a spectrum, to be anything else. I don't understand why, as I didn't think I was a bad person, and I'm pretty sure I'm not radioactive (I have one of those radiation detectors they sell at UK cold war bunkers), but it's the only conclusion to draw from the available evidence.

Don't worry, I won't come here again. I have a plan. But please delete my account, just in case. For your own safety, if nothing else.

Save yourselves. The universe is systematically killing everyone and everything I care about, and you won't be safe. This is not a joke. This is not an overreaction. This is not a cry for help. This is real. Your lives and/or sanity are at stake. Do it.

Get help, Matt. Seriously. This isn't a healthy way to be thinking.  I'm happy to run the risk that you're cursed in some way and just being around you will somehow fuck my life up - if you want to take action that reduces the risk of things that I'd consider bad from my perspective? Find help. I care about that more than I care about the marginal existential risk you may represent.

You've known hundreds of people over the course of your life so far. School, work. You are the commonality in everything bad that you know about happening to people you care about - sure! Just like everyone else. Every observation create a correlation with the thing observed. And of course you're going to observe the people you care about more and over time the probability of something bad happening to everyone goes up (after a certain point super-exponentially - age is a bitch.) So, caring means that your chances of seeing something bad go up and the chance of those bad things actually happening is going up all the time anyway.

That's not abnormal.

A fair portion of my family are dead. My grandfather, my other grandfather, my grandmother, my other grandmother's insane, my uncle's dead, my cousin's gone under an involuntary psych hold and has a history of mental illness and was briefly homeless... and let's not even start on the glaring mental health deficits of my immediate family. And you know what? Even with that aside, most of the people I know who seem to be genuinely decent smart folks? They're all deeply damaged in some way or another.

Am I cursed too? No. None of that has anything to do with me. Just as the misfortunes that befall those around you have little if anything to do with you. It just looks that way because you're seeing a small slice of the people you've interacted with over the course of your life.

It's possible that there is some correlative effect that also applies to you. If the people around you seem to be arseholes... maybe your social skills aren't great at filtering for arseholes. One of the areas of improvement in my own life of late has been actually reading body language and phrasing things in a less brutal way (... that one may not be going so well ... ) and the quality of relationships surrounding me improves somewhat. In that case there is a causal factor at work. It's possible that your family has fucked up genetics - or that there's some social effect where people with defective genes are more likely to marry people with defective genes and reproduce together. All those things are possible. But you can't just observe a spurious correlate and be like, 'Oh, I'm cursed!'

That's not healthy.

Talk to someone, find a therapist, talk to your GP. Get help for pity's sake.

So much this!  Nem, you always break it down so well.

Everyone's grief and stress are very different and having so many people close to you have issues or to have passed in such a short time period, it is very, very difficult and straining.  What you need to do now, first and foremost is make sure you are taking care of yourself, remember to eat and try to eat decently if you can, brush your teeth, wash your face, spend the time that you can with your loved ones, and if you are having trouble there is no shame in talking with a counselor and picking up some coping techniques in a safe place.

I'm not going to lie, losses hurt.  I haven't talked much about earlier this year, but let's just say, while I'm fortunate to still have my folks, there have been many people who are family or close enough to seem like family, who didn't make it.  To the point where on a recent business trip, I literally stopped to smell the roses instead of working the grief away.  I had to go back to my car and have a cry at one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.  It takes time to process and fully grok the emotional aspects, but it needs to happen at your own pace, and sometimes a counselor can help you deal with it in a much more healthy and controlled manner.

This went off the rails a little, but the important thing is you must be there at least somewhat for yourself to be there for others, and that the only thing you should logically be able to blame yourself for, no matter if they are frustrated or confused, is that you are being present and caring for the people around you.  They need you more than ever for support.  Make sure your mom knows you love her and care for her, even if it's just being there to make sure her toes are covered or if you're smuggling in French fries, or singing her favorite song.

You're a good dude, Mr.  Matt, and don't you forget it!


Mother Banhammer



Emperor Benedictine

You can't fire me, I quit

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16th April 2005

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#15 3 years ago

"Mr. Matt"I was wrong. I was so wrong. It's me! It's me that's doing it! Everybody that knows me is either dying or turning into a sociopath! My mum's now in hospital with cancer. Four days after my dad was cremated. She will probably die.

That isn't a coincidence. I'm the correlation! Everybody who knows me either goes insane or dies! I've analysed all of the correlative effects, across all of these disparate incidents, and I'm the only commonality. It's too frequent, across too broad a spectrum, to be anything else. I don't understand why, as I didn't think I was a bad person, and I'm pretty sure I'm not radioactive (I have one of those radiation detectors they sell at UK cold war bunkers), but it's the only conclusion to draw from the available evidence.

Don't worry, I won't come here again. I have a plan. But please delete my account, just in case. For your own safety, if nothing else.

Save yourselves. The universe is systematically killing everyone and everything I care about, and you won't be safe. This is not a joke. This is not an overreaction. This is not a cry for help. This is real. Your lives and/or sanity are at stake. Do it.

Sorry to say, but based on what I know of the universe, I don't think deleting your account is going to save anyone.

I sincerely hope that your mother's situation will improve and that she will have the support of people that care about her in the days ahead.




Adrian Ţepeş Forum Moderator

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#16 3 years ago

Matt, I've been obsessive-compulsive as long as I can remember.  Growing up and not knowing what it was I suffered from I used to think that every thing I did would result in someone being hurt.  Whether it was flicking a light-switch or using my left hand to take a drink as opposed to my right hand I thought someone would suffer because of it.  But you need to know, as I did and still do, that it's not your fault.  Things happen.  I know that sometimes it seems like every little thing we do has the butterfly effect.  But we can't carry that weight on us.  No one deserves to feel that way.  We're only human, and we can't be expected to carry the weight of every living person on our shoulders.  I know you.  You're a good man.  And it was nothing you did that caused your pain or your family's pain.  You care so much for your family, so how could someone who cares so much be responsible for anything other than anything positive?  

Don't let this hurt your heart.  You have given so much, and you don't deserve to carry this burden.  We love you, man.  And your family loves you too.  And if nothing else, we love you so much.  Please, get some help.  You deserve at least some peace of mind.  And that's all any of us can ever hope for.  


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Lindæl Forum Moderator

Mister Angry Rules Guy

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#17 3 years ago

You are thinking about this completely the wrong way.

* Over the time of my life, six of my dogs have died from whatever cause. * Both sets of grandparents have died.

Death is simply what happens. Death has nothing to do with any anyone, least of all you. Death is simply the natural evolution of life. Everything must end eventually, as must everyone eventually end.


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Mr. Matt Advanced Member

#BanRadioActiveLobster

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#18 3 years ago

I'm sorry, folks. I've not exactly approached recent developments from a position of strength, and I guess things finally got the better of me. Again.

I appreciate the support, but I'd rather pretend that this little outburst never happened at all. Stiff upper lip, and all that. 




Lindæl Forum Moderator

Mister Angry Rules Guy

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#19 3 years ago

So, shall I lock this thread, and we forget it ever happened?


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Mikey Super Administrator

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#20 3 years ago

"Mr. Matt"I'm sorry, folks. I've not exactly approached recent developments from a position of strength, and I guess things finally got the better of me. Again.

I appreciate the support, but I'd rather pretend that this little outburst never happened at all. Stiff upper lip, and all that. 

Love you.


Mikey - GameFront.com - Lead Developer



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