Voice of joy and sunshine
26th May 2003
Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school so the nun asked her, "Who was our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny who sat behind her took out a pin and pokes her, making Mary yell "Jesus Christ!"
Very good says the teacher. Mary falls back asleep. So the nun wakes her back up and asks, "Who created the universe?" Little Johnny pokes her with a pin again, making Mary yell, "God Almighty!"
The teacher says very good. And unconvinced that Mary would stay awake, she asks Mary, "What did Eve say to Adam after giving birth?" Little Mary jumped out of her seat and yells, "If you shove that thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it in half and shove it down your throat."
08'aIgnorance is not an excuse
28th November 2003
A yank, a swede and an arab was sitting at a table at the restaurant in the eifel(sp?) tower. The yank ordered a hamburger and threw it out of the railing. When the swede and the arab asked why he did that he replied: "We have so many where I live". The arab ordered a kebab and threw it out of the railing, then he said: "We have so many of those where I live". Then the swede took the arab and threw him out of the railing, the yank screamed: "Why in the hell did you do that?!" nad the swede replied: "We ahve so many where I live".
PS. please excuse my crappy translation.
Lol, you can replace the Swede with a Brit if you like and it would be true =P
i was madder than a limbless ethiopian watching a donut roll down a hill :)
i was more excited than a retard at a chuck e. cheezes :lol: :lol:
On a Monday morning a mother knocks on her son's bedroom door and tells him it's time to get up and go to school.
"I'm not going to school this morning," the son says.
"You gotta get up and go to school", says mother.
"No, I'm not." says the son.
"Yes you are", says the mother.
"No, I'm not, they don't like me and I don't like them." says the son.
"Give me two good reasons why I have to go," says the son. "Number one, you're 55 years old and number two, you're the principle!"
Q. whats the diff. between a grocreay bad and micheal jackson? ........................................ ................................ ........................ ............... ........ ... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A. one is made of plastic while the other you can carry stuff in it :lol: :lol: :lol: (i think i said it wrong oh well)
There is a ship headed to America. On it, there is a Cuban, a German, a Mexican, and an American. The Cuban is puffing a Cuban cigar. When he gets about half done with it, he chicks it over the side. "What are you doing!?" asks the American, "Thats a Cuban cigar! You can't get those in my country!" "Oh dont worry. We've got-a plenty of those in-a my country." The American rolls his eyes and goes back to looking over the edge. The German was drinking some German Vodka. When he got about half done he chucked it over the edge. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!? THATS GERMAN VODKA!!!! YOU CAN'T GET THAT IN MY COUNTRY!!!!" "Oh dont worry. We've got plenty of that in my country." The Amercan stops and thinks. Then he picks up the Mexican . . . .
Dumb Blonde Joke - Death Row in Women's Prison Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…" Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…" Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…" And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!" A YEAR OF BLONDES IN REVIEW:
1. Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.
4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.
6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"
8. Burnt her nose bobbing for french fries.
9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets
11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.
12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.
13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds"
14. After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition complained that the other swimmers were using their arms
15. What goes "vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc? A blonde at a flashing red light
16. Two blondes are trying to get into their car using a coat hanger when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down". [color=black][/color] [color=black][/color] [color=black]A ventriloquist came in to a night club and was on the stage. He had his dummy with him, and was cracking a whole bunch of dumb blonde jokes. A blonde sitting near the front was getting annoyed, so she finally stood up and yelled, "That is disgusting how little credit you are giving us blondes. We are not dumb, and I am very offended!" So the ventriloquist started apologizing to her but she interrupted and said, "You shut-up mister, I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"[/color] [color=black][/color] A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." "No, from all that skipping." [color=black][/color] [color=black]