Post Your Favorite Funny Sayings 27 replies

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Undertaker547

Kickin @$$ one forum at a time

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31st July 2007

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#1 11 years ago

Here are mine: Lights on, door open, nobody at home As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar. He's as bent as a butchers hook He's as happy as a Pig in s*** About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box About as subtle as a flying brick She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher. About as interesting as watching paint dry. Uglier than a hatfull of @$$holes As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner This guy is all foam, no beer. As worn out as a cucumber in a convent. About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.




Plebian

Shogun of Vae Victus!!! order.

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15th October 2007

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#2 11 years ago

Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat. Colder then a witches dream. Madder then a skin head watching the jeffersons.




Lone Raven

I have no emotions, I'm sad!

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9th September 2007

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#3 11 years ago

This is too big for its size!

These people are immortal, we must kill then with immortal weapons!

Do not question the questions!

Fall down through the abyss of the infinite!

I have more funny sayings, but I can't remember them right now!:rolleyes:




Commissar MercZ

Notable Loser

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29th January 2005

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#4 11 years ago

It take many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it. ~Confucius




Cap'n Rommel

The Good

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7th August 2004

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#5 11 years ago

Crap And Buttercookies!




Undertaker547

Kickin @$$ one forum at a time

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31st July 2007

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#6 11 years ago

some cool putdowns that mostly i came up with myself: You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...

Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception

I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

I heard when you were a child your Mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway.

I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

You're about as good lookin as a cross between the Elephant Man and a Pitbull Terrier..

You! Off my planet!

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Just out of curiosity, are your parents siblings?

Whilst every girl has the right to be ugly, you seem to have abused that privelige!

You're the kind of man that is a blueprint for building an idiot.

I'd like to leave you with one thought...unfortunately I ain't sure you have anywhere to put it!

Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

And some more quotes: His mouth is a no-go area. It's like kissing the Berlin Wall - Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. - Henry Kissinger

He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard. - Unknown

A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck. - Tom Shale on Robin Williams

If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog. - Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono

God does not play dice with the universe. - Albert Einstien

She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. - Dwight McDonald on Doris Day

If you can't convince them, confuse them. - President Harry S Truman




Anson992

Master Jedi

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15th October 2005

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#7 11 years ago
Undertaker547;4007523 Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.

I'm going to use that next time someone ask me about my photographic memory, because I use it all the time.




UGSAce

Webernet Law Enforcement

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26th July 2005

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#8 11 years ago

Do You Suck Dick?

No Sir!

Bullshit i bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose

haha lol




Undertaker547

Kickin @$$ one forum at a time

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31st July 2007

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#9 11 years ago
Anakin992;4007876I'm going to use that next time someone ask me about my photographic memory, because I use it all the time.

go ahead.any putdowns,quotes, or insults you wanna use go ahead and use em.they are for the public after all. Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - W C Fields

He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker. - S J Perelman on Groucho Marx

Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon. - Abbey Hoffman

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? - Don Rickles

Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese - Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe

The thief of bad gags. - Walter Winchell on Milton Berne

I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born - Ronald Reagan

He's proof that there's life after death. - Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan

The only genius with an IQ of 60. - Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol

He's so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund. - Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier

She's so stupid she returns bowling balls because they've got holes in them. - Joan Rivers on Bo Derek




Benzin

AAAAARGH!

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30th December 2006

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#10 11 years ago

That man can do anything, if only he could do it right.