So the depression kicks in, again 34 replies

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crisissuit3

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#1 6 years ago

let me start by saying I'm trying to be a little more active around the forums since I was given a moderator position and I would like to give back to the community. But, I'm finding it difficult to do that.

This past week has been hell for me. I've had midterms, sickness, the pressure of loneliness finally sink in on me. And now I doubt if I'm making the right life choices.

I think the biggest problem is that I'm not an adult but just a kid. I'm so terribly awkward and quiet, and I feel like I can't learn the necessary skills to survive on my own. If it wasn't for the fact my family is only a half hour drive away I would be completely screwed. I'm not brave, and I barely think I'm smart.

That has led me to be pretty lonely, the 3 good friends I thought I had are probably not as good as I thought. (well, maybe 1 is still really good). I find it difficult to trust people so I can't make great relationships and my cowardice ruins any chances for even an acquaintance.

I wanted to reach my goal to become great. To be a great fighter, freerunner, geneticist. But, I feel like I can't reach those, A child can't do any of those things. I've been thinking about dropping out of college to join the military or be an MMA fighter. Those will help me become a real man who is brave and hell if I'm lucky, die on the battlefield. Staying in school, I feel, will just let me be content with my cowardice and I will never be great.




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#2 6 years ago

First off, don't join the military. They will not help you become a "real man." The only one who will help you become a real man is you.

The first thing to realize is that you're not a kid anymore; rather you're just a fresh-adult. You may have a long journey ahead of you, but you're not the first. The next thing to realize is that in order to help yourself, you have to stop hurting yourself. That means you can't beat yourself up emotionally because of a perceived lack of achievement.

Again, you're just starting out. There are literally millions of opportunities for you to excel and advance. If you really are serious about improving yourself, you have to start improving yourself. This isn't an overnight process, and it can be scary at first, but an object that stays in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted on by an outside force; and believe me, you'll encounter a lot of those. But just remember that you can pull through if you work at it everyday. Trust me, I have to just to stay sane.

But you've always got us here at your side, and you can talk to us about anything :)


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



Kilobyte

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#3 6 years ago

You join the military, and they will toughen you up, sure, but I don't think you need to do that. Listen to computernerd there.

As far as being smart is concerned, there is a well guarded secret to being smart. Reading is the key. The more familiar you are with the language, the easier it is to read. The more you have read, the more you recognize the meaning of words. The more you expose yourself to reading material from your target career, the easier it is to navigate that career.

College is only 50% about learning. The other 50% is "networking". Like it or not, you are there to make friends. If you don't make friends at college, you are wasting your time in college.

However, these friends don't necessarily have to be "good" friends. Your the type of person who wants to bond with people, to have close friends, not business friends. Here is a bit of news, the more business friends you have, the more likely you are to find close friends, or good friends.

Think of it this way, you go to a small corner store, they are going to have a limited selection, and probably will not have everything you want. However, if you to a super store, they are more likely to have everything you want.

You my friend, are a connoisseur of friends. Get out there and browse the selection of friends available.




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#4 6 years ago
crisissuit3;5618320let me start by saying I'm trying to be a little more active around the forums since I was given a moderator position and I would like to give back to the community. But, I'm finding it difficult to do that. This past week has been hell for me. I've had midterms, sickness, the pressure of loneliness finally sink in on me. And now I doubt if I'm making the right life choices. I think the biggest problem is that I'm not an adult but just a kid. I'm so terribly awkward and quiet, and I feel like I can't learn the necessary skills to survive on my own. If it wasn't for the fact my family is only a half hour drive away I would be completely screwed. I'm not brave, and I barely think I'm smart. That has led me to be pretty lonely, the 3 good friends I thought I had are probably not as good as I thought. (well, maybe 1 is still really good). I find it difficult to trust people so I can't make great relationships and my cowardice ruins any chances for even an acquaintance. I wanted to reach my goal to become great. To be a great fighter, freerunner, geneticist. But, I feel like I can't reach those, A child can't do any of those things. I've been thinking about dropping out of college to join the military or be an MMA fighter. Those will help me become a real man who is brave and hell if I'm lucky, die on the battlefield. Staying in school, I feel, will just let me be content with my cowardice and I will never be great.[/QUOTE] Look, first off just remember that no matter how shity your life seems to be at the moment, it is never beyond fixing. Don't let self doubt effect you, if you want to do or become something, don't let anything or anyone stop you. Obviously, we've all been a kid. Everybody knows what it's like to have "friends" that aren't really friends, we've all been there. I would also suggest maybe facing your fears and getting out and about. Go socialize. Even if it is hard I believe it helps. I used to be a very quite person, not to the point of uncomfort but shy nonetheless, but when I started to socialize more, I found the more I socialized the easier it became. Here's something else, everybody has also been in a position as a kid when we wanted so despreately to be grown up, or to have a awesome career. I would say that is just part of growing up. Don't let it get to you. Don't doubt yourself, have confidence in your abilities. You'll make it through. [QUOTE=computernerd;5618323]But you've always got us here at your side, and you can talk to us about anything :)

With all due respect I don't think a internet forum should not be the place to turn when something bad happens or someone is having a hard time. I am not belittleing any of your efforts to help ( I believe all of you are sincere) and as I am also offering advice, but I think that is part of the issue. How has our culture degraded to the point where someone like crisissuit can't have a real friend to talk to because of selfishness or egos on that "friends" part.




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#5 6 years ago

Have you thought about why you feel the need to be a mans man, brave, and basically a super hero? I mean most guys want to do cool stuff (hell, I wanna try out this freerunning thing, looks fun), but from what I see in your post, your current depression stems directly from wanting to see yourself as brave/manly/awesome. Why is that?




MoreGun89

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#6 6 years ago

crisissuit3;5618320let me start by saying I'm trying to be a little more active around the forums since I was given a moderator position and I would like to give back to the community. But, I'm finding it difficult to do that.

This past week has been hell for me. I've had midterms, sickness, the pressure of loneliness finally sink in on me. And now I doubt if I'm making the right life choices.

I think the biggest problem is that I'm not an adult but just a kid. I'm so terribly awkward and quiet, and I feel like I can't learn the necessary skills to survive on my own. If it wasn't for the fact my family is only a half hour drive away I would be completely screwed. I'm not brave, and I barely think I'm smart.

That has led me to be pretty lonely, the 3 good friends I thought I had are probably not as good as I thought. (well, maybe 1 is still really good). I find it difficult to trust people so I can't make great relationships and my cowardice ruins any chances for even an acquaintance.

I wanted to reach my goal to become great. To be a great fighter, freerunner, geneticist. But, I feel like I can't reach those, A child can't do any of those things. I've been thinking about dropping out of college to join the military or be an MMA fighter. Those will help me become a real man who is brave and hell if I'm lucky, die on the battlefield. Staying in school, I feel, will just let me be content with my cowardice and I will never be great.

Consider this before you get any more harsh on yourself. You have goals and aspirations. Without these, you are less than a child, you're more like a useless sack of flour with weevils in it. So, think, you consider yourself a child, however, in reading the great progress you've been making in your other threads, it sounds to me like you've been trying to attain these goals.

Turning into a man (in our culture) is not something that happens overnight. Becoming a man is accepting your responsibilities, obligations and the consequences that come with them. Becoming a man is someone who tries to attain his goals, even if there need to be more short term goals added for the completion of the long term.

A child is someone who can't quite do all of these things yet, even with help from others. I think that you are working very hard towards becoming a man, but are still in transition, the last stage is that you must consider yourself a man after the prior stipulations.

Trust me, you'll get there :)


Mother Banhammer



crisissuit3

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#7 6 years ago

computernerd;5618323First off, don't join the military. They will not help you become a "real man." The only one who will help you become a real man is you.

The first thing to realize is that you're not a kid anymore; rather you're just a fresh-adult. You may have a long journey ahead of you, but you're not the first. The next thing to realize is that in order to help yourself, you have to stop hurting yourself. That means you can't beat yourself up emotionally because of a perceived lack of achievement.

Again, you're just starting out. There are literally millions of opportunities for you to excel and advance. If you really are serious about improving yourself, you have to start improving yourself. This isn't an overnight process, and it can be scary at first, but an object that stays in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted on by an outside force; and believe me, you'll encounter a lot of those. But just remember that you can pull through if you work at it everyday. Trust me, I have to just to stay sane.

But you've always got us here at your side, and you can talk to us about anything :)[/QUOTE] I can always turn to this place for advice :)

I have tried to improve myself, its the reason why I'm doing a bunch of clubs and research. I just feel like I'm not making progress in any of them.

Monster_user;5618325You join the military, and they will toughen you up, sure, but I don't think you need to do that. Listen to computernerd there.

As far as being smart is concerned, there is a well guarded secret to being smart. Reading is the key. The more familiar you are with the language, the easier it is to read. The more you have read, the more you recognize the meaning of words. The more you expose yourself to reading material from your target career, the easier it is to navigate that career.

College is only 50% about learning. The other 50% is "networking". Like it or not, you are there to make friends. If you don't make friends at college, you are wasting your time in college.

However, these friends don't necessarily have to be "good" friends. Your the type of person who wants to bond with people, to have close friends, not business friends. Here is a bit of news, the more business friends you have, the more likely you are to find close friends, or good friends.

Think of it this way, you go to a small corner store, they are going to have a limited selection, and probably will not have everything you want. However, if you to a super store, they are more likely to have everything you want.

You my friend, are a connoisseur of friends. Get out there and browse the selection of friends available.[/QUOTE] Well, I admit I have barely read anything since I feel as though I barely have the time to. But I'm sure I can find a time to read.

I fear talking to people because I fear judgement. I was teased a lot as a kid because of my missing finger, being fat, and pretty much being good at nothing since I just watched TV as a kid. So I'm always afraid to take the initiative to talk to someone in case I come off as annoying. Hell I don't even know how to hold a good conversation.

Fracture;5618326Look, first off just remember that no matter how shity your life seems to be at the moment, it is never beyond fixing. Don't let self doubt effect you, if you want to do or become something, don't let anything or anyone stop you. Obviously, we've all been a kid. Everybody knows what it's like to have "friends" that aren't really friends, we've all been there. I would also suggest maybe facing your fears and getting out and about. Go socialize. Even if it is hard I believe it helps. I used to be a very quite person, not to the point of uncomfort but shy nonetheless, but when I started to socialize more, I found the more I socialized the easier it became. Here's something else, everybody has also been in a position as a kid when we wanted so despreately to be grown up, or to have a awesome career. I would say that is just part of growing up. Don't let it get to you. Don't doubt yourself, have confidence in your abilities. You'll make it through.

With all due respect I don't think a internet forum should not be the place to turn when something bad happens or someone is having a hard time. I am not belittleing any of your efforts to help ( I believe all of you are sincere) and as I am also offering advice, but I think that is part of the issue. How has our culture degraded to the point where someone like crisissuit can't have a real friend to talk to because of selfishness or egos on that "friends" part.

My entire life I've had very few friends and even then none of them I could never get very close to. Growing up as a military brat I could never know someone for longer than a few years. While a lot of people I know have been friends since they were 2 or something like that. I find the forums a lot easier to open up to mainly because there are more and wiser people here than me or anyone else I would know. and the whole anonymous thing.

[QUOTE=Obankobi;5618327]Have you thought about why you feel the need to be a mans man, brave, and basically a super hero? I mean most guys want to do cool stuff (hell, I wanna try out this freerunning thing, looks fun), but from what I see in your post, your current depression stems directly from wanting to see yourself as brave/manly/awesome. Why is that?

Media entertainment. TV and video games mostly. The great hero slays the dragon, is praised, gets the princess, and lives happily ever after sums it up greatly. Also I've had friends who could do a lot of awesome things. My old friend from high school could do a front flip after a few weeks of trying while I still can't land a good one after several months (and with a crash pad, he just used sand and grass). I see him and pretty much how much of a badass and how he gets a girlfriend whenever he wants.

Also a guy at my church who is military is one of the kindest, coolest guys you could ever meet and I see how everyone respects him. Its what I want, to be respected and to teach/help others.

[QUOTE=MoreGun89;5618329]Consider this before you get any more harsh on yourself. You have goals and aspirations. Without these, you are less than a child, you're more like a useless sack of flour with weevils in it. So, think, you consider yourself a child, however, in reading the great progress you've been making in your other threads, it sounds to me like you've been trying to attain these goals.

Turning into a man (in our culture) is not something that happens overnight. Becoming a man is accepting your responsibilities, obligations and the consequences that come with them. Becoming a man is someone who tries to attain his goals, even if there need to be more short term goals added for the completion of the long term.

A child is someone who can't quite do all of these things yet, even with help from others. I think that you are working very hard towards becoming a man, but are still in transition, the last stage is that you must consider yourself a man after the prior stipulations.

Trust me, you'll get there :)

I'm a very impatient person. I just can't wait for the next day to come so I could basically torture myself to become a better person.




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#8 6 years ago

crisissuit3;5618337Media entertainment. TV and video games mostly. The great hero slays the dragon, is praised, gets the princess, and lives happily ever after sums it up greatly. Also I've had friends who could do a lot of awesome things.[/QUOTE]

Sadly life isn't like that as I've come to discover. Good people can go through a lot of dark things without so much as a thumbs up from the people around him.

crisissuit3;5618337My old friend from high school could do a front flip after a few weeks of trying while I still can't land a good one after several months (and with a crash pad, he just used sand and grass). I see him and pretty much how much of a badass and how he gets a girlfriend whenever he wants.[/QUOTE]

He can get girlfriends whenever he wants? Awesome. So why can't he keep them? Doesn't seem like such of a badass when you look at it that way.

[QUOTE=crisissuit3;5618337]Also a guy at my church who is military is one of the kindest, coolest guys you could ever meet and I see how everyone respects him. Its what I want, to be respected and to teach/help others.

Have you started helping others? Respect has to be earned.

[QUOTE=crisissuit3;5618337]I'm a very impatient person. I just can't wait for the next day to come so I could basically torture myself to become a better person.

Most people our age are pretty impatient.




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#9 6 years ago
crisissuit3;5618337Also a guy at my church who is military is one of the kindest, coolest guys you could ever meet and I see how everyone respects him. Its what I want, to be respected and to teach/help others.

The best way to get respect is very simple: BE YOURSELF. Simple? Yes. Easy? No.

I know what it is your feeling though, but the most important thing to remember is that the world doesn't need more Rambos or Chuck Norrises; it needs more Crisissuit3's :D

You don't have to be somebody else, you just have to be you, and the respect will come.


"I'd shush her zephyr." ~ Zephyr.



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#10 6 years ago

Sage advice: Just be you. Don't try to live up to others. You will never be able to because you're not them. You're you. Everyone faces a point where they have to decide who they are and how to be that person. It sounds like you're in the thick of it. You'll figure it all out. Don't ignore it and drift, as some do, but don't stress too much either.