the guide every man needs 23 replies

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AzH

I'm too cool to Post

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17th September 2003

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#1 15 years ago

stolen from a website: This is a step by step instruction on how to take a successful shit. Um... Women might want to disregard this. Step 1. Grab some good lecture, can't go and take a shit without something to read, can you? So, grab some Donald Duck magazines or something similar, be sure to take more than one cause you're probably going to be in there for hours. I might add that it's best if you try to find some you haven't read yet, since then you won't get bored as quickly, but if you can't find any new ones, just grab some old ones just for the heck of it. For those who insist on reading those so called "books", whatever that is, I can recomend a great book called "Remembrance of Things Past" by Marcel Proust. It will give you hours upon hours of bathroom reading fun. Step 2. Ahh, the second step is by far the most important step. This is the step where you are supposed to inform all the other people in the house/apartment about what you are about to do. We don't want them to barge in on us do we? Well, hell, actually we do the part about informing your friends and family about what you're about to do is only valid if you have a lock on your bathroom door and actually intend to lock it. Otherwise, make sure no one notices, just sneak into the bathroom in a very very extremely sneaky way and pray that someone else will need to use the bathroom. I'll tell you what to do if some one barge in later on. Step 3. You made it to the bathroom, congratulations. There will now follow some quick steps about what you are supposed to do. First of all, pull down your pants and underwear, but that's just blatantly obvious. Now, start fondling your dick till you gain a somewhat full erection. Consider jacking off, decide that it's better to take that shit now. Step 4. Now for the good part, this is when you sit down on the toilet and are about to take a shit. But not yet, you got to hold it. I SAID HOLD IT! Yes, now it's time for the reading, pick up the first of your 5 or more comic magazines and start reading. You got to hold it in until you have atleast finished the first magazine. Why you ask? Well it's obvious, you got to have some time to read. Step 5. Now, finnaly, you've completed the first of your magazines, you're now allowed to release it all into the toilet. Ahhhhh. That feels good, doesn't it? But now for even more toilet fun, remember the erection? I sure hope you managed to keep it up. As everyone knows, you'll have to pee while taking a shit, this erection will create a nice pee fountain allowing you to sprinkle hot urine over the whole bathroom floor. Made a mess, want to clean it up? Heck no, that's not your problem, you know it's there, simply avoid it, but pray to god the next person who enters the bahtroom doesn't manage to figure out what that little pool of liquid is. Step 6. You think you're supposed to whipe now? In that case, you are dead wrong sir. Have you forgotten about that bunch of magazines you brought with you? Ofcourse not. Now is the time to read what's left of them. It is about now that people will start to barge in on you. If that would happen, quickly cover yourself, scream like a girl and shout at them telling them to "get the fuck out". Not only will this person suffer severe mental problems for having to see you nude he will also suffer from severe loss of hearing! And that's not all folks, you can yap at them for weeks about how they do not respect your privacy and how much of an asshole they are for not knocking first. Step 7. So, you've finished all the magazines, you've successfuly managed to avoid that pool of urine and also caused great mental problems for the poor sob that walked in on you? Now stand up and take a good look of what just came out of your body. Are you proud? Take a picture and put it in one of your photobooks with a suitable name such as "Feices I remember" or "Precious bathroom moments". Now you're just about done, just whipe your white pimpled ass and get out of there, leave the magazines for the next person who comes and don't bother to flush the toilet, it's not your problem. Step 8. There is no step 8. But I can now congratulate you, if you've followed my directions you've now taken quite a successful shit. I salute you, oh great bathroom hero.




Sh0wdowN

Skeptic Extraordinaire.

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31st December 2003

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#2 15 years ago
AzHstolen from a website: This is a step by step instruction on how to take a successful shit. Um... Women might want to disregard this. etc...

You stole my diary? :cort:




evildude

I take what n0e says way too seriously

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25th August 2003

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#3 15 years ago
Sh0wdowNYou stole my diary? :cort:

lmao.......to that ^ and the step 1 step 2 thing was dumb




AzH

I'm too cool to Post

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17th September 2003

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#4 15 years ago
evildude41the step 1 step 2 thing was dumb

it wasn't supposed to be the height of intelligence... :rolleyes:




evildude

I take what n0e says way too seriously

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25th August 2003

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#5 15 years ago
AzHit wasn't supposed to be the height of intelligence... :rolleyes:

i know but it was still dumb




AzH

I'm too cool to Post

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17th September 2003

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#6 15 years ago
evildude41i know but it was still dumb

that's fine. read the title, you'll see it doesn't apply to children (aka you).

i assume you still get 'mommy' to wipe your ass. :p




Oompa

Battlefield 2

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14th July 2004

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#7 15 years ago

:lol: Thats some funny sh*t!




Pethegreat Advanced Member

Lord of the Peach

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19th April 2004

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#8 15 years ago
AzH But now for even more toilet fun, remember the erection? I sure hope you managed to keep it up. As everyone knows, you'll have to pee while taking a shit, this erection will create a nice pee fountain allowing you to sprinkle hot urine over the whole bathroom floor. Made a mess, want to clean it up? Heck no, that's not your problem, you know it's there, simply avoid it, but pray to god the next person who enters the bahtroom doesn't manage to figure out what that little pool of liquid is..

^:rofl: I just grunt and get over with it in about 45 seconds. I should do that in a public bathroom some time. BTW: Where is the part where you forget to flush and leave the pile for someone else to flush?




AzH

I'm too cool to Post

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#9 15 years ago
PethegreatBTW: Where is the part where you forget to flush and leave the pile for someone else to flush?

Now you're just about done, just whipe your white pimpled ass and get out of there, leave the magazines for the next person who comes and don't bother to flush the toilet, it's not your problem.




Blank Stare

AE

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24th July 2004

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#10 15 years ago

Ahahaha! that was funny stuff!