True Lies 26 replies

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Flash525

The Carbon Comrade

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#1 12 years ago

Hey all! Before I get started, I would firstly like to point out that this thread has nothing to do with the film named "True Lies", I just figured it would be a nice enough title for this thread. Now, the main reason for my starting this thread is to try and determine how to catch out someone who isn't being completely honest with you! We all get it, and I can vouch for everyone when I say nobody has never not told a lie. However there was an 'incident' in my life a couple of weeks ago that I'm still having my doubts about - (I'm not going to deep into it as it's a matter). What it was (put simple) I found / found out something, about a close friend of mine (happens to be female) - But, this friendship I have with her hasn't existed that long, about six or seven months (max) though it grew quick quickly and were pretty good friends now. However, there was some 'issues' that happened (thankfully before I knew her, else the friendship would have came to a sudden stop) - But the past still haunts me, as (although i wasn't a part of it), I knew quite a bit at the time, and since gaining the friendship, have found out more - and must be honest in say I felt somewhat disgusted when I was told some, and other parts I was told I was simply disappointed, though that would be because of our difference of opinion on such matters. Anyhow, getting back to the recent stuff I found out (about three weeks back) many issues went through my mind, and we did talk about it, and I asked her several questions regarding it, and although I would certainly like to believe her, I just can't - I'm also not in a position to question her anymore, nor am I in a position to say 'I don't believe you' - That would complicate matters much more and would (from her perspective) show a lack of trust / belief. Anyway, how can you be sure that someone is not lying to you? - (besides looking into their eyes) - which I didn't do at the time! If she is lying (which on parts I believe she is) - that would (again from her point of view) be telling me what I wanted to hear, but I don't want 'What Id like', I want the truth. Cutting it short (although I've put more, that simply being me expressing opinions and reasons) - I'd like to know your thoughts on how you know if someone is lying to you, and how to go about finding out the truth without hurting a persons feelings too much - There was one point where she was crying due to the circumstances, and that was my fault - which I regret. I don't want to be doing that again! Feedback is much appreciated, though sarcasm and jokes are not, so please don't post them. This is a serious issue to me!




Revenge VIP Member

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#2 12 years ago

I seem to have been born with a knack for spotting lies. I can judge on behaviour, it seems...

One thing is that people are lying after you ask them a question if they look to the top right of their head when thinking about something - this is towards the part of the brain which concocts lies, and the human subconciously looks towards it for answers. If they look to their top left, they are genuinely trying to remember what they were wanting to say, and are probably not lying unless they know this trick and are double-bluffing.

In addition, if someone touches their face when telling you something, they are trying to shield their face because they think it is going red - a sure way to know that they are lying.

If you ask someone a question which they clearly heard, and you have spoken clearly, but they ask you to repeat your question while not looking at you, then they are probably trying to think of a response to the question they heard the first time and are trying to stall you. I do it, so I presume others do it ;)

Some people go red when they lie, but not everyone. Others will play with their hands or suddenly become interested in their fingernails. Everyone is different, so you'll need to know all the tricks in the book to call everyone's bluff.

I used to be (and probably still am) a very good liar, so I guess it's easy for me to spot others lying. Meh.

True Lies is an awesome film.




Flatline_Construct

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#3 12 years ago

[COLOR=DarkGreen]psychology can give you any number of pointers, answers and half-truths about the actions and tell tale signs of people lying, sometimes it's best to just believe what people say, if you felt it was necessary to delve deeper into the life of your friend it's up to you, everyone has a different interpretation of events and memories, people lie to cover up things they're ashamed of, people lie to make themselves seem something they're not, people lie full stop. the difference is what you choose to believe. and what ever happened in the past, is exactly that, the past. people don't have the right to judge or comment on peoples private lives unless they experienced it with them or feel the need to say something. most of my friends have colorfull (shall we say) pasts, some funny, some tragic, some just plain wrong. but they're my friends and it's their decision to do what they want (some of them it wasn't their decision, and being forced into anything is totally wrong) people/society judge, it's human nature. just try and understand everything first. anyway, i'm ok at spotting liars, one guy i know is a pathalogical liar, so he can't help it. trust your gut instinct, and if your instinct says bullshit, call them on it. [/COLOR]




Flash525

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#4 12 years ago
RevenI seem to have been born with a knack for spotting lies. I can judge on behaviour, it seems...[/quote]This, I envy you for!
RevenIn addition, if someone touches their face when telling you something, they are trying to shield their face because they think it is going red - a sure way to know that they are lying. Some people go red when they lie, but not everyone. Others will play with their hands or suddenly become interested in their fingernails. Everyone is different, so you'll need to know all the tricks in the book to call everyone's bluff.[/quote]Not face, but at the time of my 'questioning' she was looking down with the occasional glance I believe but most of it wasn't at me, that much I can vouch for. She also may have fiddled about, I can't honestly remember, at the time I was more interested in the answers than what she was doing. Would this be pointing in the direction of a lie do you think?
RevenI used to be (and probably still am) a very good liar, so I guess it's easy for me to spot others lying.[/quote]Again, I envy you on this subject.
Flatline_Constructsometimes it's best to just believe what people say[/quote]As much as I'd like to, it's simply not possible! It just goes over my mind from time to time and questions arise.
Flatline_Constructpeople lie to cover up things they're ashamed of[/quote]This would fit perfectly - if doing so for her past (though it is related), thus, lying to cover up the fact that my suspicions are correct may help her, but it isn't giving out the trust and what not that a true friendship should have. [quote=Flatline_Construct]the difference is what you choose to believe.
I know what I'd like to believe, but her past is still there, and it always will be, so whenever I think 'ok', maybe she is being honest with me' her past pops up and says 'remember what she was like then'. [quote=Flatline_Construct]what ever happened in the past, is exactly that, the past. people don't have the right to judge or comment on peoples private lives unless they experienced it with them or feel the need to say something.
In the past yes, though, she is extremely flirty among others, this is one of the reasons I don't believe her, considering her past as well here. As a friend, it is your business if it's going to affect the relationship. [quote=Flatline_Construct]most of my friends have colorfull (shall we say) pasts, some funny, some tragic, some just plain wrong. but they're my friends and it's their decision to do what they want (some of them it wasn't their decision, and being forced into anything is totally wrong)
Your friends yes, and you stick by them whatever, though you seem to know about their past, and as I know about my friends, it is the present that is on mind at the moment, this is what I want to know, this is what I currently care about. Whether my suspicions are correct or wrong, at least I'd know the truth. [quote=Flatline_Construct]just try and understand everything first.
Regarding the past, there is nothing to understand, she has admitted herself she saw it as wrong, but views it as an 'on the spot decision'. It's that 'type' of person that you'd have to understand in order to roll it into one. The past is like that, whereas now is suppose to be different (considering she has meant to have changed). [quote=Flatline_Construct]trust your gut instinct, and if your instinct says bullshit, call them on it.

All very well, but that leaves me back at square one. Anyhow, I thank the both of you for your feedback on this matter, anymore you have to add is more than welcome - as is anything from any other members / staff here. :)[/COLOR]




Revenge VIP Member

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#5 12 years ago

If the person doesn't want to look at your face they are either not very self-confident, very embarrassed or a liar.




The Joelteon7

The cake is a lie.There is no cake.

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#6 12 years ago

First of all, whilst I agree to some extent with the "past in the past" idea, I, may be 3 years younger but still experience past occurances, so to speak. What do I mean by this you ask? Things they said happened in the past, promised not to do and...whoop bang! we're back to square one. On my policy, I don't have friends if I can't trust them or if the circumstance calls for that not to be required, so my view should be taken at a pinch to within your limits of my own...I hope this makes sense, it just about does to me. To tell when someone is lying, let's see now: 1) Sarcasm. Big give away. If they later say it was a joke or whatever, you must then question "well then why did you do THAT as a joke?". 2) Yes, the fiddling/eye movement thing is common, noticeable within a lot of people I know of. 3) Tendency to change the subject is a huge give away. Moving off something provides a question for you to ask mentally: Why are they moving away? 4) Details. This one is hard to spot off of memory so you have to either be listening extremely well or have very good memory. How details are the sentences? To what depth/meaning do they go into? Who's mentioned? Specific names, dates (this one is less likely opposed to recalling names)? 5) Sheer trust in that person. I'm guessing what they told you at least was of imporance to them and they felt as if they could trust you that much to tell you, in that case, trust them equally back BUT, if other's know of this and she makes it out to be special...well... So, my cynical view on things. Personally, females and me go together like a house on fire...with fire resistanct walls. Burn everything down except the supports...so, you get the drift. Still, I can tell a good liar when required and have done so in the past with some..."pleasing" results as well as being able to spin my own web every so often. Anyhow, this isn't about me, it's about you. I hope these helps you to some extent. Joel.




Flash525

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#7 12 years ago
RevenIf the person doesn't want to look at your face they are either not very self-confident, very embarrassed or a liar.[/quote]She has a lot of confidence, so it isn't that. It's one (or both) of the other two, embarrassed due to one issue - which would (and did) leave her really red and embarrassed - at the point of me finding out, though, that was the first time I spoke to her face to face since, so it may have been that, but then we have the other which is her lying...
Joelteon7First of all, whilst I agree to some extent with the "past in the past" idea, I, may be 3 years younger but still experience past occurances, so to speak. What do I mean by this you ask? Things they said happened in the past, promised not to do and...whoop bang! we're back to square one. On my policy, I don't have friends if I can't trust them or if the circumstance calls for that not to be required, so my view should be taken at a pinch to within your limits of my own...I hope this makes sense, it just about does to me.[/quote]To be completely honest with you Joel, I'm slightly baffled by this... The second paragraph is more understandable that the first though, if you do get the time, could you please go over those in more detail and in a bigger / better understanding?
Joelteon72) Yes, the fiddling/eye movement thing is common, noticeable within a lot of people I know of. 3) Tendency to change the subject is a huge give away. Moving off something provides a question for you to ask mentally: Why are they moving away? 5) Sheer trust in that person. I'm guessing what they told you at least was of imporance to them and they felt as if they could trust you that much to tell you, in that case, trust them equally back BUT, if other's know of this and she makes it out to be special...well...
These three came up. The fiddling I've already mentioned, the changing of the subject I believe did occur, at one point I 'got the blame' then it went swiftly back to her, so, it was only the one incident, so maybe pass this one by. As for the trust! I trust her yes, and I'm told (by her) that she trusts me, although that is again something I question. Regarding who knows what. Her past is widely spread (all my college class and hers know about it) - as do others! The more recent occurrence (if she is telling the truth) only me and her know, though, if lying, plenty more know about it. Though, I cannot check with them as I do not have the necessary contact. [quote=Joelteon7]I can tell a good liar when required and have done so in the past with some...
I can tell a bad liar, but those that are good is beyond me. [quote=Joelteon7]Anyhow, this isn't about me, it's about you. I hope these helps you to some extent.

Anything and everything (genuine) said in this thread, by all and any member will be of help to me :) - thanks for your views anyhow! :) Again, more feedback is welcomed (it always will be until this gets sorted out)!




nowhereman

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#8 12 years ago

Look for signs of discomfort look into there eyes a guilty person will likely look away, if they move around there hiding somthing, if they cover there mouth they are likely hiding the truth, make awkward silences someone who is guilty hates that. i have a whole manual on this.




The Joelteon7

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#9 12 years ago

Hmmm, yes, let's see, more understandable, no problemo:

First of all, whilst I agree to some extent with the "past in the past" idea, I, may be 3 years younger but still experience past occurances, so to speak. What do I mean by this you ask? Things they said happened in the past, promised not to do and...whoop bang! we're back to square one.

Whilst I understand the concept of "what was in the past should stay in the past", happenings with friends and other people have taught me to throw this to the wind. In some cases, it's true - people do leave their issues in the past but others dredge it back up when people, including themselves, may have forgotten.

On my policy, I don't have friends if I can't trust them or if the circumstance calls for that not to be required, so my view should be taken at a pinch to within your limits of my own...I hope this makes sense, it just about does to me.

My policy on making and keeping freinds is squarely based on trust. How well I can trust them determines when or how long for I'm with them for etc etc. With this in mind, accept these views as far as you're willing to except them - I do not except you to like all of them as my view on these things and keeping friends seem's to be somewhat unique. I hope that helps you understand the point I was making at the beginnign, if not, ask again and I'll be happy to correct it. I'll also have a little think tomorrow afternoon, I'll have timing and be amongst the right company to think of answers...




Flash525

The Carbon Comrade

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#10 12 years ago
nowheremanLook for signs of discomfort look into there eyes a guilty person will likely look away[/quote]This I have heard before, it's a shame I didn't get to try it out. I was more concerned with what she had to say.
nowheremanmake awkward silences someone who is guilty hates that. i have a whole manual on this.[/quote]There were my 'silent' moments when I didn't know what to say, this didn't seem to bother her that much, she either went silent too or just carried on talking. Anyhow, any chance (when you get some free time) you could copy it, or maybe put up some of the more important views?
Joelteon7Whilst I understand the concept of "what was in the past should stay in the past", happenings with friends and other people have taught me to throw this to the wind. In some cases, it's true - people do leave their issues in the past but others dredge it back up when people, including themselves, may have forgotten.[/quote]Much more understandable, and thankyou :) - Though I do fear her past has come back, just in a small dose. [quote=Joelteon7]My policy on making and keeping freinds is squarely based on trust. How well I can trust them determines when or how long for I'm with them for etc etc. With this in mind, accept these views as far as you're willing to except them
I agree with you on the fact that trust means a lot! I'm going to have to put some hard thought into my trust of her... [quote=Joelteon7]I hope that helps you understand the point I was making
It does, and thankyou! :) [quote=Joelteon7]I'll also have a little think tomorrow afternoon, I'll have timing and be amongst the right company to think of answers...

Thanks in advance, I shall read it tomorrow, I've got to get off the net now! Thanks for all the feedback guys :)