Fanfiction: Malak's Betrayal -1 reply

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DarthRiccardo

I don't spend enough time here

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13th January 2008

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#1 10 years ago

My version of "Revan's death" Revan is thinking about the attack to the Republic,and he is convinced that he win this war. A soldier say him that the Jedi strike team is penetrate in the ship (i think is the Leviathan),and he doesn't reply to the soldier.The soldier repeat his words;Revan heaves him with the Force and hurls him on a control panel(on a consolle that explodes),so the Dark Lord reply:Then,he turn around and he walks on the bridge,and he is going to the Admiral (i don't know if he has a name);he asks:The other reply,but he is scared from Revan:says Revan,The Admiral and the other soldiers go out from the bridge,and ten Sith apprentices arrive near Revan,that say them:The central Sith reply:And all Sith go from the Jedi.Revan returns at the end of the bridge,and then a few moments,Bastila and other three Jedi kill all Revan's apprentices,and arrive on the bridge.says Bastila to the Dark Lord,that reply:Bastila and the Jedi team take their lightsabers,and Bastila says: Then,there is a combat.....and Malak think:He say an order to destroy the bridge fo the Leviathan.The Jedi die,but Bastila saves Revan,she removes the Revan's mask,lightsaber,and robes,and she go with him(he appears dead) on a spaceshell,and go on Dantooine.




Guest

I didn't make it!

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#2 10 years ago

Look, I'm going to have to quote Church from RvB here. "What... the f***... was that?" For a start, there is nothing even remotely resembling paragraphs and the English has been murdered and shoved into a muddy ditch. Second, Revan says nothing. Play the game, watch the movies and you'll see that he just takes out his sabre. Third, again, if you play the game, you hear Malak say that he'd plotted usurption (is that a word?) before, but just found the Jedi attack convienent. Fourth, what on Earth is a 'spaceshell'? Unless it's what Terry Prachett calls his giant spaceborne turtle in Discworld, that's not a real word. Fifth, "Revan heaves him with the Force and hurls him on a control panel(on a consolle that explodes)" Darth Bandon already did that. Repitition earns you no points. I could go on for much longer, but I can't be bothered. Sorry for the snark, but it's the lack of English that bugged me.




attons_exile

Jaida Rand

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19th October 2007

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#3 10 years ago

Very, very good writing. I'm impressed. I really like how you told the audience how Malak lost his jaw. That was very authentic. The whole thing was exquisite!:bows:




attons_exile

Jaida Rand

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19th October 2007

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#4 10 years ago
DarthRiccardo;4153335My version of "Revan's death" Revan is thinking about the attack to the Republic,and he is convinced that he win this war. A soldier say him that the Jedi strike team is penetrate in the ship (i think is the Leviathan),and he doesn't reply to the soldier.The soldier repeat his words;Revan heaves him with the Force and hurls him on a control panel(on a consolle that explodes),so the Dark Lord reply:Then,he turn around and he walks on the bridge,and he is going to the Admiral (i don't know if he has a name);he asks:The other reply,but he is scared from Revan:says Revan,The Admiral and the other soldiers go out from the bridge,and ten Sith apprentices arrive near Revan,that say them:The central Sith reply:And all Sith go from the Jedi.Revan returns at the end of the bridge,and then a few moments,Bastila and other three Jedi kill all Revan's apprentices,and arrive on the bridge.says Bastila to the Dark Lord,that reply:Bastila and the Jedi team take their lightsabers,and Bastila says: Then,there is a combat.....and Malak think:He say an order to destroy the bridge fo the Leviathan.The Jedi die,but Bastila saves Revan,she removes the Revan's mask,lightsaber,and robes,and she go with him(he appears dead) on a spaceshell,and go on Dantooine.

Wow...that was kind of confusing. And the dialogue didn't sound real....




The Crusader

I think I'm adorable.

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6th November 2007

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#5 10 years ago

That was very very good Jade! I only saw one teenie tiny mistake you made though. Revan was never Bastila's CO, because Bastila didn't fight in the Mandalorian Wars. But I definitely agree with your theory. I believe Revan and Bastila had a mutual relationship at one point. Maybe even more than that.




Guest

I didn't make it!

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#6 10 years ago

Actually, I was basing that assumption off of KotOR II. In the Star Cave on Korriban (I think that's what the hologram of Bastila called it), you see Bastila, Malak and some other Jedi. One of the dialogue options is "Bastila didn't join you until later in the war" or something like that. That's my explanation for it. And in response to your reputation comment (thank you, by the way), yes, there will be more. I'm turning this into an entire series of fics. Here's the very basic synopses that I gave to someone else.

The Malak's Betrayal fic has spawned offshoots. They are all part of a different fic, but I'm writing these in advance. FileFront is the only place I shall ever post them on their own as they will be placed in my Flames of Darkness series when I get to that point. The series is tentatively titled "Paths of Destiny." Here's some small summaries (in Star Wars chronological order): Jolee: Jedi Down (not written) From Jolee meeting his wife all the way to Jolee leaving the Order. Canderous: Planetfall (not written) Canderous attacking Althir. Juhani: Dreams (in progress) From Juhani's mother dying all the way to Revan arriving. Zaalbar: Madclaw (not written) Zaalbar's exile. Mission: These Mean Streets (not written) Mission being taught how to survive by Griff. HK-47: Assassination Protocols (not written) HK-47's first assassination. Bastila: To Die For (not written) From Bastila's thoughts and feelings as Revan returns as a Sith all the way to Bastila leading the Jedi strike team. Revan: Malak's Betrayal (written and posted) Bastila: Under the Stars (not written) From Bastila returning with Revan's body all the way to her making peace with her actions in the death of a friend. Carth: Destruction (not written) The destruction of Telos I am also considering writing fics for Vandar Tokare, Vrook Lamar, Malak, Saul Karath, Xor, Chuundar, Freyyr, Bandon, Uthar Wynn, Yuthara Ban, Rukil, Gendar and Malya, but I haven't got plots for those yet. If you want to help, send in ideas for plots. As you can see, I have two Bastila stories. You can also give ideas for plots for the characters I have already.

When I next play KotOR II, I'll be making a list of more possible fics to place in this series. But as you can see, it's a long series.