Funny ST Stuff -1 reply

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Noghri Blade

A Lord Among Pandas

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15th May 2003

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#1 16 years ago

This is the first in what I hope will be a long line of funny Star Trek stuff. While I may be a trekkie, some things r just too good to not make fun of. Enjoy.

46 Things That NEVER Happen on STAR TREK

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has encountered several times before. 2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right. 3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems. 4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat. 5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay. 6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads. 7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff. 8. A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature called a "fuse". 9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident. 10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial. 11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger. 12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end. 13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some candy. 14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is not connected with the 20th century in some way. 15. Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash. 16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction. 17. The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle. 18. The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day. 19. An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant." 20. A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there. 21. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come". 22. Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so!" 23. Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice." 24. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious. 25. Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position. 26. Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!" 27. When Worf tells the bridge officers that something is entering visual range no one says "on screen". 28. Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails. 29. Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" - then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape). 30. Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a know-it-all, and consequently has to try to make some friends that are his own age for a change. 31. Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful. 32. The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher. 33. Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever. 34. Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot flash and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room. 35. Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine. 36. Data falls in love with the replicator. 37. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode. 38. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive. 39. An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the tale. 40. Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says to him. 41. Kirk's hair remains consistent for more than 1 consecutive episode. 42. Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt (or even, Kirk doesn't get into a fistfight). 43. Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him. 44. Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics. 45. Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by a new weapon/attack by an alien race due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he cannot save the day. 46. The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eyebrow.

If any of u have something like that, post it. If u liked that, I'll post more.




EXiT

7o'nine

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11th April 2002

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#2 16 years ago

hehe, I read something like that before. Funny! :lol:

7




Mr. Matt Advanced Member

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#3 16 years ago

Hahaha, the sad thing is its all true!




Dreadnought[DK] Advanced Member

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#4 16 years ago

24 signs that your captain is a redneckā€¦ - Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month - He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles - He refers to Klingons as "Critters" - He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns" - He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil - He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section - He says "Got your ears on, buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies" - He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen - He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle - He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it - He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage" - He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser - He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens - He paints the starship John Deere green - He refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special" - He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp" - His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale - His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls - He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge - He sets phaser to "Cajun" - He hails other ships with "Greetings, ya'll!" - He thinks of Vulcans as "them really smart fellers". - The confederacy flag is painted under the NCC of the ship. - He tries to outsmart the transporter by hanging onto something real tight.




Noghri Blade

A Lord Among Pandas

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#5 16 years ago

Well, I promised more if I got positive responses, here's another. I'll let u guys handle it for awhile after this.

Trekker vs Trekkie

A Trekker wears a starfleet uniform to a convention because it's fun. A Trekkie wears a starfleet uniform to a convention because she/he has heard that it is in style at the academy.

A Trekker has a Starfleet Academy window sticker on his car. A Trekkie is cramming for the entrance exams.

A Trekker meets Marina Sirtis/Gates McFadden at a convention, tells her how pretty he thinks she is, that it is too bad she is married or he would ask her out. A Trekkie meets Deanna Troi/Dr. Crusher at a convention, tells her how pretty he thinks she is, and asks her if she is still seeing Riker (Picard, some alien patient, et al).

A Trekker loves watching the show, nitpicking and discussing it with friends. A Trekkie loves watching those documentaries filmed aboard the Enterprise.

A Trekker thinks Wil Wheaton was a lucky kid who got to play a kid on Star Trek. A Trekkie thinks that Wesley Crusher was a lucky kid who got to sit on the bridge.

A Trekker thinks that it is a shame that the show is coming to an end. A Trekkie thinks that it is a shame that the crew is being reassigned and the Enterprise is being decomissioned.

A Trekker knows that there are gaping holes in the technology, but ignores them and enjoys the show. A Trekkie can't wait for the price to come down on those home food replicator units.

A Trekker buys pips for the rank s/he wants to be. A Trekkie wonders why he is constantly passed over for promotion.

A Trekker tells his/her new girl/boyfriend that s/he really likes Star Trek. A Trekkie's new girl/boyfriend is an underclassman at the academy.

A Trekker wonders what sex in zero g would be like. A Trekkie wonders what sex would be like.

Like it? I'd like to see some stuff from other people. That redneck one was nice.




Pak_E_Derm

I'm too cool to Post

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#6 16 years ago

actualy, it's the other way around..................




Pak_E_Derm

I'm too cool to Post

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#7 16 years ago

the "lesser" known mottos of the 24th century:

Klingons: *Homer's voice* mmmmmmm............... Meat Bajorans: Our god is better than your god Borg: Ressistance is futi-ful- a waste of time Ferengi: If it moves, tax it, if it dousn't, give it a parking ticket Federation: Space, the big--- thing ---out their Romulans: I think your telling the truth, I need more sleep Cardassians: death to off worlders (leave money) Dominion: want some pot? Tholians: where not Zenophobic, we're just---oh....... Kazon: uh..................... Suliban: so? what if you have clever motto's? we have the ability to bent into a prezel




Pak_E_Derm

I'm too cool to Post

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#8 16 years ago

"A Trekker wonders what sex in zero g would be like. "

actualy, I think everyone wonders about that at least once in their life.........




Dreadnought[DK] Advanced Member

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#9 16 years ago

it would perhaps be a bit uncontrolled afterwards




Noghri Blade

A Lord Among Pandas

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#10 16 years ago

well, water forms a little floating bubble, so would...other things,I guess. Everyone would be running away from it, "Ahhh, its coming towards us, run!"