Star Trek Exploration -1 reply

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Kenjar

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#1 12 years ago

Hi all, as I threatened I've started writing a series of short stories set in the star trek universe. This is my first test draft, please let me know what you think, and if you have an e-book reader that doesn't understand this format please let me know what you can read so I can have uploads put up on my website for it.




Stark98

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#2 12 years ago

well its good! some mistakes of names but thats easily for changing. Take another name for the captain, a american name like John or just something else but not ishmael... In battle it doesnt sounds great!




FileTrekker Über Admin

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#3 12 years ago

Numero Uno, John Isn't an American name, It's a general English name, and also, Captain Ishmael is a great name IMO. Regardless, it's the story, not how omfgz how coool the name sounds in an action sequence.


Danny King | Community Manager | GameFront.com



Kenjar

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#4 12 years ago

So far we've had a young, white American (Kirk), an older French man (Picard), a black man (Sisko), and a Woman (Janeway), I deliberately chose Middle-Eastern names for the captain and his wife. I'm trying to keep on the good old Star Trek tridition of "all races and creeds working together". Given the current tentions between the US and Iran, and the previous and ongoing unpleasantness of Iraq, I'd like to help send out a message in favor of sanity. This was the test version, just 2000 words to see if people where actually going to read it, and if it was worth persuing. I'll spend the next few days writing the full part 1 story and will upload it. Sorry for any errors I might have made with names, I'll try to keep an eye out for them in the future.




Psychokenesis

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#5 12 years ago

I've read you story/prologue

THE SHIP I'll be honest I don't like the ship. In truth I don't like any story (almost any) that introduces a new ship into trek. It says the ones we have aren't good enough. But mostly like most Star Trek fan fictions it becomes about the new starship than the characters.

The Writing: I like your writing...You seem foreign to the language but you did a great job expressing the characters.

Just don't make the mistake that we all know who these characters are. Write as though Janeway and Reggie have never been seen or heard of before. Don't assume we know how their supposed to behave or what they look like.

I think you did a good job I'd put you above average. It didn't bore me. The writing wasn't endless and there seemed to be some mirth to the story...

6/10 keep working on it. Visit Simonsays.com to talk to real Trek Authors about their latest stories...

Seven and Chakotay are no long together.




Kenjar

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#6 12 years ago
Just don't make the mistake that we all know who these characters are.

Thanks, however I will disagree with you on that point. I think anyone who is willing to read Fan Fiction in the first place, and especially Star Trek fan fiction, would have a good idea who the major players are. However, if I where attempting to sell these stories commerically, I would almost certainly have done what you suggested. I started off with Janeway and co simply in an attempt to draw readers in. Much in the same way each pilot (except enterprise) episode either had a meeting with a previous member of the previous series cast. Data was seen walking with Leord Mccoy, Sisko had a bad relationship with Picard, and Voyager launched from DS9 into the badlands.

6/10 keep working on it. Visit Simonsays.com to talk to real Trek Authors about their latest stories...

The last Trek Book I read was "Titan, taking wing" which is why Tuvok is no where to be seen. As far as I know he's 200,000 light years in another galaxy (Orginial plot for the second book, eh? lol) I've not read any other books recently. I think the last time I read a trek book as back when voyager had just started.

Seven and Chakotay are no long together.

When did that happen? I know in the final episode "ENDGAME" Seven attempted to break up, but Chakotay refused to accept it.

It says the ones we have aren't good enough.

If you mean, "offical paramount ships" yes, I don't think they are quite good enough for the final mission this crew will go on. If however you mean "what the community of model maker had produced" well there's all sorts of problems with gaining permissions, and at the moment I wanted to write, I didn't want to wait for e-mails that can take weeks.

I like your writing...You seem foreign to the language but you did a great job expressing the characters.

Umm, thanks. I'm not foreign, but it was written at 23:17 to perhaps I wasn't at my best. :-), but that's what rewrites are for. Mind you, my typing mistakes and spelling errors are pretty common place, I usually read a story through two or three times before I upload it, I have to admit that this draft was just uploaded without being checked. I just wanted to test the waters. Thanks for your input, I like to see someone with definate views on the subject. I'll try and keep my quaility of writing up, however I'm doing this for fun, and as a break from another (non-trek) novel I'm writing, which at the moment is reworking a draft (which gets tiresome). I hope you enjoy the rest of the series, I'll stick them up on http://www.dcforeman.co.uk (my own website) along with any other writings. And I'll post them to the BC forums.




Stark98

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#7 12 years ago

mmmh of those names oke john(dont know which country it is) i just thought that if people read the story and they hear the name ishmael, that they are saying aah no not a guy like that or blablbla... Great story but remember voyager is the best of starfleet so is the captain that is going to take voyager over a good one?




Kenjar

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#8 12 years ago

Voyager, according to the future Janeway, is a meusiam. No there is a completely new starship and crew, you'll see why later on. I've already written another three pages. Hopefully I'll have the first draft out sometime tomorrow.




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#9 12 years ago
i just thought that if people read the story and they hear the name ishmael, that they are saying aah no not a guy like that or blablbla...

A guy like what? Are you racist, Sir?


Danny King | Community Manager | GameFront.com



Stark98

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#10 12 years ago
A guy like what? Are you racist, Sir?

NO!!!! but I say some people are indeed as you call it a racist! and if they read it and hear the name... But i like the name! You may take the name for sure but i just wanted to say it... PS: its not sir, its warrant officer :D