This is a prototype story. Tell me what you think.
The Fall of Darth Revan
Everyone knows about the Dark Lord: Darth Revan. But what was under that mask? What was Revan's history? How did he fall under the veil of the Dark side? What about Malak? How did he get his chin replacement? Read on to find out!
Location: Direllia cantina Docking: Spaceport with transport ship Terrain: Run down metropolis with seas Native species: Aliens: Duros, Ithorians, Twi'leks, Grans, Wookies, Weequay, Rodians, Bith, Two Headed FREAKS, Hutt, Mandilorians, Cheewees, Trandoshans, and humans. Dangers: Poison nuna, harsh environment, gangs, murderers, criminals, assassins , mercenaries, bounty KILLERS, and slavers.
"So Ajaski, I hear you have a kid." "Cut the flattery Samson, the maggot is probably dead." "Dead?" "Yeah, dead. Why should I care for that BRAT?" "But where's his mom, YOUR wife?" Upon hearing these words, Ajaski pulled out a small standard issue blaster pistol and put it at Samson's head! "If you say one more word about that I'll blast a fresh hole in you, rip out your guts and feed em' to the nunas!" "But he..." BLAST! In an instant, Samson died. A mechanical voice sounded, "VIOLENCE DETECTED!!!! ACTIVATE DISINTIGRATION TURRETS!!!!!!!" "Sith spit!" Ajaski cursed. He jumped over the bar and ran out the door that said, "FIRE DOOR! ALARM WILL SOUND!! Ajaski ran through the door."FIRE! FIRE! ACTIVATE SECONDARY TURRETS! As Ajaski walked out the alley he thought about the fact that Samson would never know: Ajaski killed his own wife. Little did he know about the pair of brown eyes watching him: Revan.
Years passed Revan was a kid of the streets now. Recently he met some gang Selkath. He became streetwise. People paid BIG money to Ajaski to hire killers for Revan. One day Revan was walking down an alley and came to a dead end. WITH MARKINGS ON IT! Suddenly purple gas, EVERYWHERE. He heard the sound of nunas comming. He turned around and saw a HUGE shadow. Then it multiplied by ten, and came into view. There, he saw ninjas, samuri, Velerpine and Echini alike, bounty killers, bounty hunters, assasions, and still a big shadow. Revan pulled out his own odd vibroblade. Pieces of bamboo made the handle weave, a thick chunk of carbonite was used for the blade, and Rancor skin was the blade side. The shadow was just a man in a black robe: Ajaski. "I swear to Satin I'll kill you this day!" Revan yelled. "Get im' men. Oddly, Revan held out his vibroblade in defence, and all his enmies flew into it and disappeared. All but Ajaski. ''Time to die boy." They swung their blades. Clash! Clang! Both of them were bleeding badly already. "*cough* Weakling. *cough and gag* you are a puppet to my *choke* power." " The only power you'll find is the power you'll get in HELL!" Revan said sternly. "You brat I'll kill you. I hope you can send my reagards to Satin. I hope you become a slave in the fire room! First in line! You'll be a crisp at Satin's table! Ha Ha!'' He ran at Revan and sliced off his ears, cheeks, lips, arms, hands, legs, feet, mouth, top of his head and nearly sliced Revan in half. Revan barely managed to but he pulled out a vile of poison and injected it it into Ajaski's heart. You, you, you, oh! I'll ahhgghh! Kill GRRRRAAHHHHHHHHH! Ajaski fell to the ground dead. Revan limpted over to the medical faucility and met with Zelka Forn. "Revan I... I... I... I don't beleive it! Your'e alive!" ''Barely Doc, barely." "I can see that. Now just get yourself into that bed there and me and my droids will handel the rest. Revan limpted over to the bed and laied down. Zelka injected him with sleeping gas and after that, all Revan saw was darkness. "Alright guys, (Zelka said to his droids) he's out. We must operate very carefully. Zelka saw that Revan's heart and internal organs were damaged. "We have to take them out." Zelka said. "Are you crazy? You'll kill him." Said Gurney as he just walked in the door. (Gurney is Zelka's assistant.) "It's our only choice he'll no dbout die if we don't try. "Then how the heck will he live, and look at least good?'' "Simple. The Robe 3000." "Not that Doc no aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! Ha Ha Ha!" Gurney joked. "Shut the traphole Gurney." Zelka's droids carefully installed the black with armor plataing in some spots robe. "Oh no his legs are so fractured that if he takes one more step they'll turn to dust." Oh no Doc don't go there!" Gurney begged. Too late! Zelka had already ripped off Revan's legs and was pulling the tissue, veins, and mussles out of them. Gurney had to run to the toilit! "What a mess." Zelka said. After Gurney came back, Zelka stated to put Revan into a bacta tank. All the liquid turned red! "I... I... I... ooooooohhhhhh!" Gurney fainted. Zelka opened a cabnit and viewed the next part of his to add to Revan: Cyber Boots. They coursed with electricial power, able to send an enmy into a blakout or kill them. Plus, they had ions in them that made a whole room become ecectrified, they were also unbeatable aganist droids. He put them in the tank's droid assistants hands. They began installing the boots. Zelka saw that Revan's hands and arms were bleeding beyond beleife and they were nearly impossible to heal. Zelka reached into his pockets and pulled out: Krackan Gloves. They have a self-healing device and a moniter of the body's functions. Next was the head. Zelka's worst fear had come true: He had to use the Vaccum Mask. It was red with a few patches of silver. He installed it with a hood, a cape, and a breath and talking device. But he almost forgot: Revan was nearly ripped in half! He took bacta gell and reconnected Revan's limbs. Zelka took Revan's "vibroblade" away and replaced it with a double bladed, poison, vibroblade. "Revan! Revan! Revan! Wake up!'' Zelka said. As Revan awoke, he felt anger, anger he never felt before. "This will get bloddy Zelka!" Revan kicked Zelka in the face and stabbed Gurney in the back. Blood flowed from it, a very crimson color. Revan put Zelka's body in a large underground containment unit and rewired the wires to kill Zelka. Revan stepped out and closed the glass doors. Green gas filled the room. Then a bolt of electricty shot at Zelka and killed him. The shock didn't come from the chamber, it came from REVAN! Reagardless, his job was done. Revan went back to the alley where Ajaski ambushed him. There was the wall. Revan heard a voice. "Who... who... who are you?'' Then, a kid came out from behind a dumpster. He had three gray stripes on his head. "I'm Revan." Revan replied sternly. The kid said, "My name is Malak." "Malak... do you know how to get beyond this wall?" "Oh yes I do!" "Open it." "Yes sir." Malak put his hands to the wall and turned them in a countter-clockwise fashion. It looked a lot like a tomb. When they went in, there was purple gas, everywhere. It got very hot and humid in the room. The two walked in, and found another locked door! "This is where always get stuck." Malak said. Wait! There was a computer teminal next to the door. It had the indentation of what looked like Revan's poison vbroblade. He put it in and the door opened! As they walked in, they heard a chant: "The ones who carry death, will see to their power. The ones who give mercy, let them be curshed! There are two sides, the good and the bad, but the black ones, they are niether! They are tyrants! One day, one shall find ultamate power! The other will kill him. All hail the STAR FORGE!!!"
"OK..." Malak trailed off. "I don't think I'll ever get to sleep again!!" Revan said. "Oh, I know you will!" Hissed a dark figure. "Wh-" Revan and Malak didn't have time to finish these words, darkness had befallen their eyes. (The following is a transmission from a Dementor to his master.)
Dementor: "Sir, we have taken two prisnors, along with four others. Dementor Lord: "I have hardly any use for prisioners, just six, blood stained,pearls.
Dementor: "The Tears of All Oceans?" Dementor Lord: "Yes, you needle brain!" Dementor: "What of the prisioners?" Dementor Lord: "Work them, work them until they die!"
Revan awoke on a ship, already at sea, he was tied to a pole, with Malak, and four other kids. "Get up now!" Yelled a...DEMONTOR! "This barge is bound for Sampetra, Riftgard Palace to be exact. Where Slagar the Cruel and Davy Jones ar Kings. Davy Jones is already there, so we need this ship movi'n faster with some slaves! HAHAHAHA! Now move it you lilly-livered slimes! Now! (he said to the six tied to the pole) you are not my slaves, but you are Slagar the Cruel's slaves! Ha Ha Ha! Oh I kill me!" "I wish..." murmed Revan. "Wha? Oh I get it you snot, you want to play it the hard way eh? Huh huh ok..." He pulled out his whip and beat Revan with it. "You are a black with fear, lilly- liverd, footless, ugly, nigro (just kidding) slime!" "Idjit! I'll make an example of you!" He grabbed Revan and took him up to the mainmast and hung him. "Harhar! You'll get pounded by storms, gales, gulls, ganats, and me until your body rots and your bons hang for seagulls!" Malak watched in horror as Revan was bound by sharp rope. "Now let's get down to bisnuiss. I'm Bullflay, you slaver. I give you orders. If I say row faster you row faster If I tell you to slow down, you slow down. If I say stop, you stop. If I say you die you...hmm...I'll let one of you answer it. You there, your name?" "Malak. The answer to your question is thst we die. Yes?" "Yeah...yeah...I like you. You can be Slagar's personal servant. Come now much to do." Revan hung there. The ropes burning his skin. The agaony. He thought that he had not said what he said, he would not be here at all. But he would have his revenge. He will see bodies and heads with blood everywhere. Revenge. What a beautiful word and action. Down to the slave quarters, the slaves spoke. The four others were Sion, Nihulis, Traya, and Atris. "There is no hope of escape!" Argued Sion. "But there is..." muttered Traya. "What's that, did I hear something?" Asked Sion.
"Yes you did you idiot! We can escape from Rifgard palace on Sampetra. It isn't a military installation, so we can keep weapons we find on this ship and store them 'till they throw us in the prison cells. We then break the cell window, scime down with a rope, and sail away with the Seascab, this ship. Atris protestd. "What if there isn't a window in our cell. We also may be separated. They also have the place on 'round the clock security. Nihulis had a sinister smile on his face. "The we'll improvise..." Bullflay took Malak into the ship's throne room where Slagar the Cruel was waiting. He wore a silken, harlequin mask to cover his horribly disfigured face. "Sir, I found a worthy servant." Bullflay said. "You idiot! Are you looking to suck up to me for some wine,ale,grog WHAT?" "J...j...just a prisoner to serve you, n..no reward." "ah, I see, well goodbye with you Bullflay!" He grabbed his cutlass aimed at Bullflay's back and tossed it. It zinged through the air, hitting Bullflay square in the back. "UNNNNNGGGGHHHHH!" He scramed in agony. But he was still alive. Slagar grabbed a bunch of daggers and flung them at Bullflay's torso. "EHHHHHUUUUNNOOOGGEEESSSZZ!!" Next Slagar grabbed a javeline and tossed it at Bullflays stomach. "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" "Hmm....Still alive eh? TAKE HIM OUT ON DECK, GATHER THE CREW AND PRISONERS! I WILL MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF HIM!!!!!" Two crew members named Hlafchop and Plumnose grabbed the wailing Bullflay and held him to the mast pole. They tore his shirt to his bare back and held him there. Slagar came out of the cabin with Malak and a huge, heavy, and spiked whip. He gave it to Malak. "Do it boy, do it now." Storm clouds gathered overhead, soon there was a heavy downpour, with thunder booming and lightning crackling. Malak thought about his choice. He had anger. He needed to let it out. On a living, screaming human being. He pulled the whip back and slammed at Bullflay's back. WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Blood was everywhere on Bullflay, streaming all over him like a fountin. His back was terribly scarred and his blood was like acid. It seeped into his skin and destroyed it. He was being destroyed by himself. All his veins squirted blood all over the ship. He then instantly began to catch fire. His skin and tissue caught aflame and burst open his blood vessels. Any skin he had was ripped off, leving his black heart defeseless. The fire, mixed with the blood cracked his heart in half. Blood squirted all over the ship from his soul. Then, all the fire stopped, and Bullflay had only seconds. In dying words, blood squirted from his mouth. In a very weak voice he said, "One day my spirit will com to kill you Slagar, one day, you will drown in an ocean of blood...'' His corpse then fell into the river of blood around him. His corpse set on fire and burned to a crisp. Slagar lauged out loud "HHAHHHAA! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO TRAITERS!" Revan watched in horror from where he was hung on the mast. He thougt, ''Who would be pure evil enough to do that? But it did seem like the right thing to do. Afterall anyone less powerful then the great ruler dserves that fate. Wait! What am I thinking?! But it still seems like the right thing to do..." As the rain pelted against him, lightning struck him and knocked him out completly. He had a vison. Two figures, like Sith Lords or somthing, were walking in what looked like on observation deck in a space station. There were 99% dead jedi in tanks, where they were held by electricity. The one with three gray stripes on his head asked the heavily robed, armored, and masked figure, "What is so important that you called me here Master Revan? The masked figure said, "You know youare very rude Malak, you need a lesson, but later. see the bodies of these jedi floting in the tanks?" "Yes" "They are jedi, they forever see the galaxy through the force. Let's say that one jedi is like a star in space. That jedi has a Force Bond with another jedi. If one jedi dies, the other will too. Many jedi have more than one bond with other jedi. The bond that one jedi has with one connects the other jedi's bonds to others. So lets say one star explodes, (Thinking of a jedi as a star) the star that had a bond with the other explodes. In a Force Bond one cannot live without the other. So the star that had a bond to the star that exploded blows up, the other bonds it has goes to those stars, destroys them, then the ones they were bonded to explode and so on all it takes is the right concentration of force enegy and the ability to suck life from a jedi, alive or unconcuss drain their life, and the Jedi Order will collapse. Another thing that could happen would be that a jedi turns to the Dark Side and becomes a Sith Lord he learns how to litterally eat his enemys through the Force. He eats the force as well. Soon, when he eats everyone and the force, the force will slowly recharge bringing new people into the glaaxy. But the Sith Lord became so powerful, his power would blind him. He would be unable to sense even the slightest hint of the force. As he ate others and the force, he developed a dependency for it. But he became blinded to it, so he would be unable to have it. Since he became so dependent on it, the only being he could eat would be himself. He would become so desperate, that he would do so. So he would. He would become anhillated by his own power. He would hav been the only living part of the force, had he not done what he did to himeself. He was the only Force Senseitive left in the galaxy. His anhillation would ensure that any Force Senseitives would never ever be seen. You see, if one force senseitive is left, then dies, he triggers a tremor through the force, wich takes the force away from all humans or aliens. They would become weak, poor, and unable to fight off disease. No Jedi or Sith, just very weak humans and aliens. They would be weak because the force helped them survive and be strong." "Master...do you ever get tired of talking?" "Shut up Malak, you don't have to listen to me any longer, but go polish and prime HK-47. Also ask him to rate you. Whatever he says is bound to be humoris, so whatever he calls you, he will call all other living things. Except me ovbiously... He will call me simply by: Master. Get going!" Malak ran off to polish HK. Once he finished, he asked HK to rate him, "Statement: You are at meatbag status." Wha? "Answer: Yes, you are a meatbag." Then all went black. It cleared up on a ship, a Sith Ship. Darth Revan was on the bridge watching a space battle between the Republic and the Sith. Malak crept up behind Revan. He had his lightsaber ready. He got right behind Revan and aimed the saber at his back. he silently ignited it, pulled it up, got ready to stab Revan. Malak began to send thr lightsaber into Revan when Revan turned around, cape swirling, pulled out his sabers,and kicked Malak in the stomach. Malak flew across the room with Revan walking twards him. Malak got up and flung a nice big punch at Revan. With lightning speed, Revan grabbed Malak's fist and cracked it. Malk attempted another punch, with his good fist. Revan grabbed it, and did the same thing. Malak jumped, and prepared to kick Revam with bot legs when Revan grabbed out, and broke Malak's legs. Revan then used the force to push Malak into the wall. Revan heard a crack. Good. Revan had crushed Malak's skull. Malak rushed at Revan. Revan disappeared and reappeared behind Malak. Revan pinched Malak's neck, then slammed him into the wall. Revan walked to the blue lit circle with the Sith insignea circle in the center of the bridge. A robotic female voice announced on the ship comm system: Emergency! Power shortage! First priority objects offline. Only two objects remain in function: The glow circle, and the control panels. Engines offline! Bridge sealed. Warning! Evacuate immeditly! Evac..." With power off, no comm system. Revan ignited his two sabers. They were known as the legendary sabers. They both had Nexetor and Sigil crystles for extra damage. The color on one was a reddish- orange. The other, was a bliuish-green. "Get up and fight Malak." Malak got up walked to the circle and ignited his saber. Just a simple red. Revan moved first, he jumped up and began a deadly areial attack Malak got seriously injured from the sabers. Malak moved next, sprinting right at him. Revan moved to the side to dodge it but got hit. How did Malak do that? Did he know where he would dodge to? Did he change his angle that quickly? Revan sprinted at Malak and turned his sabers so that the hilts were facing Malak. Wham! The hilts hit Malak in the neck. Revan pushed the hilts in harder. He very quickly turned the sabers and shoved the blades into Malak's stomach. Revan ripped them out grabbed Malak's head and slammed him into a control panel. Revan pressed harder. Malak escaped, ran behind Revan and slammed him into the panel. He got up walked to the main platform. Malak grabbed Revan's cape and tripped him. Malak was clumsy and fell with him. Malak was on top of Revan. Revan punched him in the face. Malak punched him. They rolled on the floor, punching and kicking each other. They eventually both got up. Revan threw his saber at the window. C--C-C-C-C-C-CRACK! The window broke. Both combattants flew out. Revan could breath, because he had a robotic device for it. Malak had to use a force power: Breath Control. Rvan launched a grappling hook at the ship. He reeled himself in, with Malak doing the same. A fuel ship flew overhead and stopped. It's engins concked out. A figter shot at the fuel tank and blew it up. Fire and fuel began to pour down on Revan and Malak as they fought. Clash! Clang! They were in a saber lock. Revan pushed hard enoug to knock Malak flat. But Malak beat him in the lock! How strange. Revan pulled out his keys, put the ship on autopiolt jumped up, ran to the edge of the ship, and jumped off. As he was falling, Revan saw Malak jump after him. Soon, they were level. Again they banged their sabers, falling into space. Revan's ship changed course, and got under Revan and Malak. Revan fell through the fuel pipe along with Malak. They were on a walkway, above a waterfall and whirlpool of bubbling green liquid. Revan charged Malak with great speed. UNK! Malak flew across the walkway. He slammed into a button. "Deactivating walkways in 60 seconds." Malak got up and attacked Revan. Revan blocked it simply. Malk recovered and they clashed the sabers. "10...Die Revan...9...You will die Malak...8...clash...7...calng...6...5...4...3...2...1...0 DEACTIVATING WALKWAYS! Revan jumped up, and grabbed on of the girders. Malak jumped with him. They dueled again. As they battled, their grips loosened and eventually, they fell. They plummeted down into the fuel whirlpool. Splash! They twirlled around and around and got knocked out. When they awoke, they were in a small pipe. They got up and battled again. The fuel became a browish- green color. It began rising. Revan and Malak continued battling. Revan took a quick swipe and cut off Malak's chin. Blood squirted like a volcano from his wound. Revan cut a hole through the wall and found an arivent he jumped in, with Malak behind him. He punched out a grate and jumped down the hanger! Yes! Malak jumped after him, and then froze him in a stassis. Malak jumped into a fighter and zoomed off. Revan escaped the stassis and ran to the bridge. As soon as he settled in he heard some footsteps behind him. He turned around, and saw the jedi Bastila Shan, Seasse Tinn, Gordon Givsun, and Mitchelle Diodanna. With them them, was Rebublic Capt. Dianna Onasi. Bastila approched, "Revan.""Ah...dear Bastila, you have finally come, please, join me for dinner, will you?" "No, are you a friggen idiot?" "Oh I see, well,..." And then a dark jedi jumped down, and killed all the jedi but Bastila. "You will join me for dinner." "Fine...idiot... But what shall YOU do with Capt.Onasi?" "Oh, the lady will be held in a security cell, like you, after dinner!" Revan cuffed Bastila and took her to the dining room. "Take a seat, dear Bastila, I shall go speak with le cook. Revan walked into le kitchen (the cook is French) found the cook and explained in a whisper what he wished for him to do. "Alright, make Bastila's meal with all kinds of poisons, and for good measure, add some hot sauce. See this? This is a nanite detonator. As you can see, it looks like a grenade. Open it up, and pour the contents into Bastila's super alcoholic wine." "Yiss of course misure! But sucrebleu and screred! Do you wan to kill er? HMMMMM....?" Revan slapped him and whispered sternley, "Now you listen here you filthy french Mamma's boy! You shut your idiot traphole, or so help me, I'll rip out your tounge and eyeballs and make you eat em!" "Yiss of course missur! Wee wee!" Revan walked to the table and sat down. Instantly, the waiter came out with two cups of wine. He gave Revan his and Bastila hers, and then, all was dark. Then came the final part of the dream. Revan was standing at the bridge, wearing the gloves of JC Denton and Paul Denton. Bastila approached him. "I feel your presence Bastila. Want to end this? Come kill me." As Bastila approached Malak shot from his flagship, the Leviathan and shut down the ships shields. Bastila was right behind Revan when the strangest thing happened. Revan froze, literally. He was screaming. A fully trained force scream. But this was no force scream. This was Revan, screaming in pain. Lightning shot from his frozen body, all over the room. Revan icy body suddenly cracked into shards. As each shard flew across the room, they each began to glow red and black. They rebuilt in the form of Revan's body, and for a split second, Revan was able to speak, normally, for his mask had been anhillated. He reached out, almost as if trying to grab Bastila. In the true Dark Lords final moments, he screamed, "HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The shards then once again pulled apart, and formed a black hole, Bastila could see inside, there were crossbones, dripping with blood. The skull spoke, "The man named Revan shall be cast forth into Hell!" The skull disappeared, and then, Bastila saw the most terrifying thing in her life. Hell. It was ablaze with fire, people burning and screaming. Laughter sounded throught this evil land. People begged for mercy, while whips cracked like lightning bolts. Revan, in the black hole was bing dragged into Satan's domain. His robes were all torn, his body badly scarred and bleeding. His skin was burned and cracked. His face was no face, it was a bare skull. Vines hung down from the top of the hole Revan was being dragged into. Revan grabbed at these vines, but they began to crack. Sith Lords flew out of the portal, ignoring Bastila, they laughed at Revan's fate. Bastila screamed, "SSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A mechanical voice sounded, "Ship destruction in ten...nine..." Bastila concentrated all her power on the portal, got Revan out and closed it. Revan lay there dead. Bastila grabbed his body and darted out of the room. "three...two...one...zero..." With a whir of fire and electricity, the ship blew up. Bastila made it to the escape pods just in time. She launched hers, and plotted a course for Dantooine. Then, all was black. The younger Revan regained conciseness. After his dream, he hoped this was not his destiny. If it was, he vowed to escape it.
Hope you liked it!
15th March 2005
Oh good lord. Ninjas and dementors? I thought this was a Star Wars story.
Well our good Lord has a sense of humor. I'm sure he doesn't mind some dementors and ninjas and a Star Wars stoty.....
15th March 2005
I'm sure he doesn't. You weren't really trying to impress him though, were you?
LOLZ. I was trying to see what he would do. Ig he hated my story and comments, he'd zap me with a bolt of lightning. If hie liked em', he'd make something good happen to me. Or he could be "meh" middle of the road.
And yes, God has a sense of humor! He made beans and pop to have a certain thing that activates certain bodily functions quite over-zealously. LOLLOLOZ!
2nd September 2007
Um Zelka Forn was on taris and Revan was taken away from his family and sent to the Jedi Order and I doubt a little kid will have poision
Well... You are right, but hey, how else will I move this along?
15th March 2005
Tulak Hord;4019364Well... You are right, but hey, how else will I move this along?
You could always try writing something that fits the facts.