How NOT to cook a turkey!!! -1 reply

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Ignacio

Slap leather, varmint!!!

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7th October 2003

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#1 15 years ago

Help Lines Hear Thanksgiving Horror Tales

Fri Nov 19, 6:29 PM ET addtomyyahoo3.gif U.S. National - AP

By BETSY TAYLOR, Associated Press Writer

ST. LOUIS - Concerned about cooking that Thanksgiving turkey? Just keep in mind that if you don't slice the bird with a chain saw, stomp on it to make it fit in a pan or lose it in a snowdrift, you'll already be doing better than some other Americans.

Cooks who have questions about how to prepare the seasonal feast have long been able to call help lines, offered by turkey producers, schools or others looking to provide assistance. But sometimes, the turkey traumas on Thanksgiving have even the experts stumped.

Mary Clingman serves as director of the Butterball Turkey Talk Line in Downers Grove, Ill. It expects to take more than 100,000 inquiries through Christmas.

Some past callers stand out.

"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.

Another caller cut a turkey in half with a chain saw, then worried that oil on the saw might have transferred onto the turkey. A woman in Colorado who left her turkey outside to keep it frozen realized she couldn't find it when more snow fell.

And one phone call began: "You don't know anything about kitty litter, do you?" Clingman said a woman called after her husband poured kitty litter on the bottom of a new grill in hopes of absorbing drippings. Fortunately, the grill hadn't been lit yet, so the turkey was pulled off and cooked more conventionally, she said.

Kathy Bernard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture (news - web sites)'s Meat and Poultry Hotline in Beltsville, Md., said a caller last year wanted to make her bird inside a roasting bag, but didn't have one, so had improvised.

"She pulled a dry cleaning bag off her husband's suit, and it melted onto the bird," Bernard said.

Chris Whaley, a spokeswoman for Perdue in Salisbury, Md., said people should keep in mind that the Thanksgiving meal can be as simple or as complicated as they'd like it to be.

"I do believe it's reassuring to know not everyone's done it perfectly over the years," she said.

____

Butterball Turkey Talk Line: 1-800-288-8372

USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline: 1-800-535-4555

Perdue Consumer Help Line: 1-800-473-7383




Hfx-Rebel Advanced Member

AzH owns my ass

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15th March 2004

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#2 15 years ago

HAHAHA...good one's iggy!! ...i can relate to the chainsaw one...




DEADEYE

Wild west mod of RTCW

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23rd April 2003

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#3 15 years ago

thats a cool way to baste the bird iggy :deal: .....give it the message!!!:lol:




Hacko

Adios

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24th March 2003

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#4 15 years ago

How about cooking the turkey using the trashcan method.:)

trashturk1.jpg And no, thats not me in the picture.:rolleyes: :D




BITE_ME!!

=WW=, WolfTactics

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7th December 2003

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#5 15 years ago

Here are some good pics for ya:




nimo333

NIMO and NIMO333

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2nd October 2004

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#6 15 years ago

Screw turkey, I'm cooking a human for thanksgiving.




adibou

I'm very active here, eh?

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11th February 2004

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#7 15 years ago
nimo333Screw turkey, I'm cooking a human for thanksgiving.

How do you do it ? :uhm: I mean How to cook a human?:lookaround:




BITE_ME!!

=WW=, WolfTactics

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7th December 2003

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#8 15 years ago

This joke came from my younger brother John (so did the pic) A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?" Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!!




DEADEYE

Wild west mod of RTCW

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23rd April 2003

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#9 15 years ago

[color=darkred]dave ya gotta try EMU ..MATE !!! :nodding: get ur buit ute out run em down ..rapp them in paper bark .:naughty: .they do you until xmas ... mighty tuff drum stix dave LMAO :p :lol: [/color] hope yall had a great thanks giving really